Under Pressure
by Ruby Rosetta Red
Summary: What if Bobby Goren was a father? This is my first 'longer' CI fic. BA friendship only. GorenOC. Please read and rate, i welcome all reviews, especially if they're constructive. Epilogue up.NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** _The characters of Bobby Goren, Alex Eames et al connected to Criminal Intent, belong to Dick Wolf and attached people. The characters of Nicky Goren, Mrs Johnson, Jane Green and Kate Jones et al are mine. I do not pretend to know how the American education system works, being a Brit. I am the parent of an autistic son, the same age as i have made Nicky. Everything about Nicky is based on my son's personality and characteristics. Every autistic child is different, has different quirks, personalities, habits and abilities. Please forgive any factual errors. One day, after dealing with a bad day with my son, i watched an ep of CI and wondered, how would Bobby cope being the father of an autistic son? This is my interpretation. A longer fic, a work in progress. And for the record, Nicole Wallace is not his mother, i named him, then i realised but by then the name had stuck. See what you think. Reviews appreciated. _

**Under Pressure**

Nicky hated to be rushed. Everything had to be done in a certain order and in a certain way otherwise he would become unsettled and have to begin again. Bobby learned this fact early on and had lost count of how many times he had been late for work as a result. Because it was Nicky, they cut him some slack.

"Ready to go Nicky?" They were seated at the breakfast table. Bobby had watched him eat his cereal as he'd sipped at his coffee. His cereal bowl was bright red, made of plastic and he'd had it for as long as Bobby could remember. He only ate his cereal from this red bowl. Nicky raised his head at his father's voice and looked at him fleetingly. It was the briefest of connections but when their eyes did meet, he was certain the boy knew who he was, knew that they shared both a biological and genetic connection.

"Ready. Eames coming?" His pedantic, almost toneless speech, lilting just at the end as a question was something he'd been taught in speech therapy and it was a rehearsed response. Bobby smiled absently to himself.

"Yeah. Eames coming soon" he confirmed. As many times as Alex had asked Nicky to call her by her first name, he almost stubbornly stuck to calling her by her surname. Then the buzzer went.

"Eames here" Nicky announced and Bobby got to his feet.

"Right on time. Could you put your bowl in the drainer?" he asked him. He went to the front door and opened it. Sure enough Alex Eames stood there.

"Ready to go?" Bobby looked over his shoulder and listened at the same time. He heard Nicky dump his bowl into the drainer as he'd requested and turn the faucet on briefly to rinse. He looked back at Alex and smiled briefly.

"Just about. Did you drink your juice Nicky?" he called. He heard the sound of a plastic cup, also red, being put back down on the table.

"All gone" he called back. Bobby waited and smiled when his son appeared, wearing his waterproof jacket, unzipped, and his backpack in his hand. There was a glimmer of a smile on his face as he stood and patiently waited for his father to zip up his coat and take his backpack from him.

"Hey Nicky. Ready to go?" Alex asked him. The boy was growing fast, not quite thirteen and already was taller than she was.

"Hey Eames. Yes. School time" he responded. He stood on tiptoe and rocked backwards and forwards briefly.

"Then let's get going" Bobby added.

"Let's go!" Nicky crowed joyfully and both adults smiled.

Nicky skipped ahead as they made their way out of the apartment building. It made an incongruous sight; Nicky Goren was all arms and legs and didn't look at all child like. As a result he frequently attracted attention. Nicky was oblivious to it and Bobby had learned to grow an extra thick skin.

"Nicky" he called as they headed out on the street. Traffic rushed by at a hurried pace and Bobby didn't want him to get too close. It wouldn't be the first time he'd chased after him as he'd made a run for it. More than once a car had missed him by millimetres and Bobby had rescued him, his heart pounding in his chest. This time Nicky paused and waited for his dad to catch up and he walked beside him, with the same swagger, the same loping stride.

Alex waited patiently as Bobby made sure that his son was securely fastened in the back seat of the SUV. The radio played quietly in the background. He liked to listen to music and could name any tune, any musician from the opening bars alone. It was a game Bobby played with him regularly and Nicky was never wrong. Nicky also had extraordinarily sensitive hearing, everything had to be at a tolerable level for him because any loud noise made him anxious and set him on edge and it always took Bobby a while to settle him down. His school was across town and Nicky loved going there. Alex listened to them play guess that tune with half an ear as they went there. She remembered just how hard Bobby had fought to get him a place at the school. The fees were expensive, almost crippling; almost but not quite. He worked hard to make sure Nicky got the therapy, the help that he needed.

Bobby turned in his seat as Nicky's school came into view. Nicky was looking out of the window, the fingers of his left hand fluttering and twisting slightly. Not for the first time he wondered what was going through his mind. His boy. His entire world. The first he'd known of his existence had been a visit from his caseworker. Nicky was five years old at the time and in foster care. His mother had told her that her son's father was a New York City Police Detective by the name of Robert Goren. Robert Goren had been stunned speechless. She had been a rare one-night stand and he had been insistent on contraception, so being informed that he was a father had been mind blowing.

A DNA test had proved conclusively that Nicky was his son. It had been a formality because the moment Bobby saw the little boy, he'd known. The line of his jaw, the arch of his eyebrows, the thick dark curls and the deep brown eyes. It was like looking into a mirror. He was a Goren all right. Bobby also quickly discovered why his mother had given up on him. Nicky was autistic.

"We're here," Bobby told him as Alex slowed the SUV. Nicky turned his head and flicked a glance his father's way before unfastening his seatbelt. Bobby did likewise and looked at Alex.

"I'll be back shortly"

"Take your time. Bye Nicky. Have a good day"

"Bye Eames" Nicky replied as he climbed out of the back seat, already forgotten by him. She smiled to herself, so like his father.

Bobby walked with his son into school. Walking side by side, the Goren boys attracted attention. Women stared after Bobby, taking in his height and his dark good looks. Nicky too made an arresting sight. It was another tragedy in his young life. He would grow up to be a very handsome young man but he would be completely unaware of it, as he was of life around him. Nicky's pace quickened as they got closer to his classroom. Bobby watched as he unzipped his jacket and began to shrug it off. Bobby leaned forwards and caught it before it dropped to the floor and then followed him inside. The class was small; there were four other boys in attendance. Usually there were six in total.

"Good morning Detective. Nicky" Nicky turned his head and looked at Jane, his teacher. A smile crossed his face.

"Morning Jane" he replied. Bobby watched him make a beeline for the library of picture books. It was another similarity. Nicky's own picture book collection at home was extensive. Borders and Barnes and Noble were their second homes, all the staff knew them on sight. Jane looked at Bobby and accepted Nicky's backpack from him.

"Any problems?" she asked him. Bobby looked at her and he shook his head.

"He's been fine. Happy" Jane looked away and at Nicky.

"I can tell. He's very settled right now. Will Mrs Johnson be collecting him as usual this afternoon?"

"Yeah. Any problems in the meantime, please call me" Jane nodded and then watched the detective go to his son.

For a moment Bobby watched Nicky flip through the pages of the book, saw his eyes flicker over the familiar pictures, his fingers smoothing over the words before flicking in their complicated little pattern. Those fingers traced imaginary patterns in the air and Bobby learned to gauge his moods by how quickly those fingers flitted. The faster they went, the more stimulated he was. Right now they were going their usual speed.

"I have to go now Nicky" he told him in a quiet voice. Nicky didn't react to him but Bobby knew that he'd heard him all the same.

"Mrs Johnson will pick you up at home time and I'll see you at dinner time"

"Home time. Dinner time" Nicky parroted. Bobby reached across and ran his hand through his son's unruly curls.

"Love you buddy" he murmured and then pressed a kiss on the side of his head. Nicky tolerated quick kisses, brief hugs, anything more made him stiffen up and pull away.

"Love you buddy" he mimicked. Bobby straightened up, still looking at him. Leaving him here was always such a wrench but Nicky loved it here and the staff were fantastic with him. He turned to one of the classroom assistants and handed her Nicky's jacket.

Alex saw the melancholy in her partner's eyes as he fastened his seatbelt.

"Nicky settle in okay?" she asked as she started the engine. He glanced at him.

"Oh yeah" he replied. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

_Bobby always said that he would never be a father. He wouldn't inflict any prospective child with such a genetic liability as his. His mother had battled with schizophrenia, he remembered those battles and still wore the scars. Then there was Nicky and with him had come the curveball that was autism, an entirely new concept to deal with, grasp at and try to understand. And he tried to understand. Why Nicky insisted on the same breakfast bowl every single morning, why the outside world overwhelmed him to the point that he just shut down. It was as though he was unable or just unwilling to deal with the sensory overload and like an overwhelmed circuit, he would just completely close down. Bobby was certain that Nicky's autism was genetic. He didn't know for sure because he'd been five years old when he'd come to him and he'd had no idea of his illnesses or immunisations before then, whether he'd reacted to them or not. It was just something inside of him that told him that all of this was connected somehow. He was curious but at the same time he didn't really care. Nicky was his son and he loved him unconditionally. Knowing whether his autism was genetic or not wasn't going to change him or cure him. Bobby loved him and was fiercely proud of him and that was all that mattered. _

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Bobby opened his eyes and looked at his partner.

"Some. Nicky went to sleep around two this morning and was awake a little after seven"

"I thought he was a good sleeper?"

"He can be, but sometimes he finds it very hard to switch off and when he's like that we can be up for a while" _Sounds familiar_ Alex thought.

"And that happened last night?" Bobby just nodded.

"I know it's none of my business…but have you looked into respite care? You need a break once in a while"

"He's my son. My responsibility and I can count on one hand how many people I can trust with him, or who he trusts. It's not going to happen"

"And what will you do when exhaustion finally hits and you literally can't go on?" Alex responded.

"It's not going to happen. I will cope. I have to" his tone left her without a doubt that he was done on the subject.

Two identical faces stared back at him. Bobby gazed at the photograph on his desk. Alex had taken it. They had been sitting side by side in the conference room. Mrs Johnson had dropped him off on her way to her doctor's appointment and he had sat with him with his picture books whilst Bobby had completed his paperwork. He looked at his son's smile, the way his eyes seemed to disappear into his face. It wasn't a true smile, but it was Nicky's interpretation of a smile all the same. Bobby sighed and leaned back in his seat. Alex meant well, he knew that but the thought of someone else taking physical care of his son just didn't sit well with him.

He swore that he spent more time doing paperwork than solving crimes sometimes. It was a necessary evil if there was to be a conviction. There would be hell to pay if one wasn't achieved because the t's weren't crossed and the i's weren't dotted correctly. His phone rang and he answered it almost absently, his mind still on the paperwork.

"Goren"

"Detective Goren…this is Jane Green" Instantly the paperwork was forgotten.

"Miss Green. Is Nicky okay?" he saw Eames's head go up.

"Nicky is fine Detective but Mrs Johnson failed to pick him up" Automatically Bobby checked his watch. It was after four.

"Have you tried her cell phone?"

"We've tried all the numbers supplied detective and there's no reply" Eames watched Bobby stand up.

"I'll be there as soon as I can to collect him" he promised and hung up. He looked at Alex.

"His sitter failed to pick him up" he frowned " she never forgets. She calls me if she can't make it" he muttered almost to himself. Alex watched him go and retrieve his coat and slip it on. When he turned, he saw Alex on the phone. She hung up and stood up, retrieving her jacket from the back of her chair.

"I put a call out for a local uniform to check her apartment"

"What are you doing?"

"Coming with you. Nicky prefers the SUV to a cab anyway" Bobby sighed. She was right and Nicky was always much more co-operative if he knew he was going to get a ride in the SUV.

"Alright. Clear it with the Captain. I'll have to bring him back here with me for a little while to get that stuff finished" he indicated the folders on his desk.

"I can cover that" Bobby looked at her and shook his head.

"You have enough to do. Nicky will be okay with his picture books for a little while" he replied.

"Give me a minute" and Bobby watched her hurry across the bullpen and disappear into Deakins' office. He pulled his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and called Mrs Johnson's number.

He disconnected when Alex returned.

"No reply?" Bobby shook his head as they both headed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_Thank you so much for the reviews. I was nervous sharing this fic so the positiveness of those reviews is greatly appreciated. Plot-wise, I'm not sure whether there actually is a metal detector at 1PP, for the purpose of this fic, there is. Again, reviews and comments appreciated. :) _

* * *

_**Two**_

Nicky was the only kid left in the classroom by the time Bobby and Alex arrived. He sat at his workstation and he was rocking backwards and forwards in his seat. Bobby felt his stomach plunge to his boots. He looked at Jane.

"He's been doing that since I called you. He's distressed Mrs Johnson isn't here to pick him up as normal" she explained quietly.

"I'll try talking to him" he assured her and went towards him.

Nicky had his arms wrapped tightly around his own body, his chin was on his chest and he was making a moaning sound in his throat.

"Hey Nicky…" Bobby greeted gently. He laid a hand on his shoulder and Nicky almost ricocheted off his chair. He yanked himself away. Bobby regarded him and took a deep breath.

"No! Go away!" Nicky yelled and Bobby flinched. He leaned a little closer to him, carefully as not to crowd him.

"Nicky. I'm here. Dad is here" he started again.

"Want Mrs Johnson!" Nicky demanded. Bobby knelt down by his chair.

"Mrs Johnson couldn't come today Nicky, that's why I'm here. Don't you want to come with me? Alex is here with the SUV" Nicky glanced at him at the mention of the SUV.

"Eames… Eames car. I like Eames car" he muttered. He twisted his fingers into his hair and pulled.

"No Nicky. Don't do that" Bobby urged and reached for his wrist, to pry his hands out of his hair. Nicky was capable of ripping handfuls of hair out of his head and he looked as though that was what he was about to do. As soon as Bobby touched his wrist, Nicky reacted. He let out an almost inhuman roar and staggered to his feet, knocking over his chair and his father in the process. He tore across the room, sending anything in his path flying in all directions. He slammed himself up against the classroom door with a heart-stopping thud. Alex watched with wide eyes as Bobby got to his feet and advanced towards his son. As Nicky threw himself against the door again, Jane also went towards him, calling his name.

"I have this. Please" Bobby interrupted. Jane looked at him and then took a step away. Alex did likewise and watched Bobby go towards him. He slid in between his son and the door so that Nicky collided with him instead. Automatically Bobby put his arms around him. He talked to him in a low, soothing voice, Alex couldn't hear what it was he was saying to him but whatever it was, it was beginning to work. Nicky began to settle, to calm down again and finally he leaned against his father and allowed him to comfort him. It was almost heartbreaking the way Bobby held him and stroked his hair. Alex swallowed against the huge lump in her throat. She watched them both straighten. Nicky's eyes were red and tear stained and Bobby was shell-shocked, it had obviously been a bad tantrum.

"Eames SUV now" Nicky announced.

"Coat on first Nicky" Bobby reminded him and at the same time his cell phone began to ring. Nicky seemed to physically flinch. Alex went towards him.

"Want some help with your jacket?" she asked him. Nicky flicked a glance at her and then nodded.

"Yes please Eames"

Bobby had gone pale by the time he'd ended his conversation. Alex sent an enquiring look at him and he shook his head but whatever it was, it wasn't good news.

He was distracted during their trip back to Major Case. He tried to hide it by playing guess the tune with Nicky but Alex had worked with him long enough to see that something was bothering him.

Nicky loved the metal detector that they had to walk through to gain access to One Police Plaza and would've walked through it several times if his father had allowed him, as it was, three times was enough and Nicky giggled mischievously every time he heard the bleeper go off. He hung his visitor's pass around his neck and flicked at it, watching the way the laminated surface caught the light and flashed.

Thankfully the Bullpen was relatively quiet. Bobby checked the conference room. It was empty. He ushered his son inside and helped him off with his jacket and to a seat. Soon he was engrossed in his picture books, his plastic bottle of juice on the table beside them. Bobby slipped out of the room but remained close enough to maintain visual contact. Alex came towards him.

"It wasn't good news was it?"

"Two cops found her in her apartment. Looks like a heart attack" Alex's eyes widened.

"She's dead?" Bobby just nodded and then looked over his shoulder at his son.

"Nicky adores her and I have no idea how I'm going to tell him what's happened or even if he'll understand" Alex looked through the glass at Nicky who was leaning over, inspecting a page of one of his picture books, both hands flittering and twirling with almost inhumane delicacy. She looked up at him.

"You can only be honest with him Bobby. He's going to figure out something is wrong quicker than you realise" Bobby looked over his shoulder.

"It's going to be tough, he adored her. She's the only mother figure he's had for the last eight years"

The last time he'd checked in on Nicky, he had been sound asleep, lying face down, his head turned away, his duvet half over him, half on the floor. The rage tantrum he'd had at school had taken a lot out of him. He had told him about Mrs Johnson but wasn't sure whether he understood or not. Of course he wouldn't understand, how could anyone understand a constant in someone's life suddenly not being there anymore. Bobby sighed and sank back in his seat and stared up at the ceiling. He was absolutely exhausted, he couldn't move even if he wanted to. A glance at his watch told him that it was just after ten. With some luck Nicky would sleep through til dawn and maybe even let him sleep too. He rubbed at his eyes and got to his feet. He spent a few minutes picking up Nicky's discarded books and straightening up the living room in general before he had to admit defeat and he headed off to bed.

A cold hand on his face woke him from an unusually sound sleep.

"Daddy. Wake up. Bathroom" Nicky stood over him and for a second Bobby blinked in befuddlement. Then he kicked back his blankets and got out of bed.

"Go on buddy, you know what to do" he told him. His digital alarm clock told him it was just after two thirty. Four hours sleep. Perhaps he could persuade him to try and sleep for a few more hours. A six thirty awakening he could handle more than a two thirty one. He went into Nicky's bedroom and turned up the light. Nicky's bed was soaking. Bobby sighed and rubbed at his face. He began to strip down the bed.

At three in the morning he was helping Nicky to shower, clean pyjamas were laid out in his bedroom. He'd have to make a trip to the Laundromat very, very soon, he was running out of clean sheets. Nicky didn't like the shower all that much but Bobby didn't have the energy to run the tub for him. Not again. He leaned into the shower cubicle and directed the showerhead against Nicky's body and sluiced away the soap coating his thin body. Then he switched it off.

"Come on. Time to get out" he held out a hand and Nicky took it and allowed himself to be led out of the cubicle. Bobby picked up the towel and wrapped it around him, rubbing him energetically.

Back in his bedroom, Bobby helped him change into his clean pyjamas and urged him back into bed. He drew his duvet up to his chin. He watched his son's eyes drift closed and then open again. He looked at him for a moment and Bobby looked back at him. A sleepy smile crossed his face and those deep brown eyes of his closed and stayed closed. Bobby sat on the side of his bed and watched him sleep for a while before heading off to his own room.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Again, many thanks for the great reviews, they are very much appreciated. The character of Kate Jones is my own :) _

_**Three**_

He wasn't sure whether taking Nicky to the funeral service was a good idea. But on the other hand he wanted to give him the opportunity to say goodbye, if he could. Sometimes he thought his son understood more than he let on, other times he wasn't so sure. He'd talked it over with Jane Green and she seemed to think that it was a feasible idea so here he was. He'd given up on trying to get Nicky to wear a shirt; he hated anything with a collar to begin with so it was a non-starter. Eventually Nicky had agreed to wear a long sleeved white cotton t-shirt with dark coloured trousers. He looked neat and respectful.

Bobby straightened his tie and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He hated funerals; the last one he had attended had been his father's, not long before Nicky had come into his life. He was glad his father had never met his grandson; God only knew the vile things he'd have in store for him regarding his disability. He hadn't coped with his wife's schizophrenia; he wouldn't have liked to have known his opinions on autism. He had taken Nicky to Carmel Ridge to visit his grandmother on occasion but the place set him on edge. He played up from the moment he set foot in the place til the moment it was time to leave. And his mother had more or less been oblivious to the existence of her only grandchild anyway. After that Mrs Johnson watched him whilst Bobby visited. Now he would have to start taking him along again. He sighed.

"Daddy very smart" Nicky commented. Bobby looked at him and smiled in bemusement. Nicky was admiring himself in the mirror. He sat down beside him and watched his son pull funny faces. He made him laugh sometimes; laugh so hard that his sides would ache. It beat crying until he threw up. He glanced at his watch.

"Come on buddy. If we need to get to the church, we need to go now. Need to go to the bathroom?" Nicky shook his head, his curls bouncing vigorously.

"Sure?" Nicky was examining his reflection again.

"Sure"

"Let's go then" he held out a hand and watched Nicky take it.

At the church Bobby made sure they sat at the back just in case they needed to make a quick exit. Nicky was restless, rocking a little in his seat, leaning across his father to look at the coffin and then straightening up again.

"You okay?" Bobby asked him.

"Want Mrs Johnson" Bobby put his hand on his son's back and gently stroked it.

"We talked about that remember? We're saying goodbye to her today"

"Don't want to!" Nicky replied defiantly and a few heads turned their way. Bobby shifted in the pew so that he was looking straight at him.

"Want to go outside?" he suggested. Nicky shook his head.

"After the service, how about we go to Barnes and Noble huh?" he watched his son's eyes light up at the promise of more books. He nodded clumsily.

"We need to be quiet now and listen to the priest. Can you do that?" Another nod and Bobby patted his shoulder.

"That's my boy," he murmured.

It was after the burial and the mourners were beginning to disperse. Bobby looked at his son, and felt pride at how he had acted. He'd been calm and collected and had watched what was going on around him with a familiar kind of detachment. He hadn't run from the graveside as he'd half expected that he would and he hadn't started yelling and shouting. Maybe it was the promise of the trip to Barnes and Noble that had done it, Bobby honestly didn't know. Together they approached Roseanne, Mrs Johnson's daughter. She smiled softly upon seeing them.

"Hello Bobby. Hello Nicky"

"Hi Roseanne" Nicky responded and leaned in for a familiar quick hug. Bobby approached her and did the same, watching her face as he drew back.

"Hi Roseanne. How are you doing?" he asked quietly. Roseanne looked at him and he could still see the remnants of shock behind her moss green eyes.

"I still can't believe it's happened," she admitted shakily. Bobby reached out and touched her shoulder.

"Neither can we. We'll miss her very much" he replied. He watched her look at Nicky who was watching the way the sun slanted through the leaves on the trees, casting shadows on the ground.

"Poor Nicky. He'll miss her most of all won't he?" Bobby nodded. Then Roseanne's eyes widened as a thought occurred to her.

"It puts you in a terrible bind doesn't it? You don't have anyone to take care of him after school!" she exclaimed and Nicky glanced at her briefly before returning to his scrutinisation of the leaf shadows on the ground.

"I don't want you to worry about that. We'll find somebody else" Roseanne's expression became tragic.

"I can help if you like?" but Bobby shook his head.

"It's okay, but thanks all the same. Do you need help with anything?" she shook her head.

"Thank you for coming. Both of you. I know she saw you both as family" Bobby looked away briefly.

"She was very kind…very gracious" he replied. And he would miss her a hell of a lot.

Monday morning and Bobby took his son to school as usual. For the next week or so he'd juggle his schedule so that he would finish in time to collect Nicky from school. Then he'd have to begin the difficult task of finding a replacement for Mrs Johnson. He didn't even know how he was going to do that. Nicky had been subdued this morning, even though after the funeral service, he'd taken him to Barnes and Noble and they'd gone to the park. He knew there was something different was going on.

Jane was talking to someone Bobby hadn't seen before. She looked to be in her mid thirties, tall with shoulder length light blonde hair. Nicky saw her at the same time and stopped in his tracks, his trip to the book shelves temporarily forgotten. He stared at her wide-eyed and it took Bobby a second to fully realise that Nicky was staring at someone. Eye contact wasn't his strong suit. Jane turned and smiled at Bobby and then noticed Nicky's expression. She looked at him and then at her companion and she looked at Bobby in surprise. Then to his astonishment Nicky went over to her.

"Hair. Pretty" he murmured. The woman crouched down a little.

"You like my hair?" Bobby watched him reach out and touch it. He waited for him to grab a handful and yank but surprisingly enough, he didn't. He ran his fingers through the silvery strands almost transfixed and he kinda got why. She was lovely to look at.

"Nicky likes pretty hair" he murmured. The woman smiled and slowly straightened up.

"Detective. I'd like you to meet my new assistant. Kate Jones, meet Detective Goren, he's Nicky's father" Kate held out a hand.

"Detective Goren. It's a pleasure to meet you," she told him. Bobby blinked.

"Uh. Likewise. Please call me Robert…or Bobby" he took her hand and shook it. He could barely take his eyes off her, felt an attraction to her like a punch in the gut. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt something like that. Or if he had ever felt like that before, it was disconcerting to say the least. Kate smiled at him.

The lure of the bookcase was too strong for Nicky to resist for long and Kate watched him make a beeline for it. Jane had explained to her that Nicky loved his books and loved to read any opportunity that he got. She turned her head and looked at his father. He was watching his son and there was no mistaking the love he felt for him in his eyes. Jane had also explained to her that he was a single father, very dedicated to his son and would move heaven and earth if necessary for him. She wondered whether Nicky's mother was involved in her son's life. It was unusual for the single parent to be the father. Usually the father was the one with the inability to cope with a disabled child and left first opportunity he got. Again Jane didn't go into details but Kate was left with the distinct impression that the detective had been the one left to carry the can. She watched him say goodbye to his son before striding back towards the classroom entrance. He made an interesting sight, he was tall, if she had to guess, over six feet three inches with wide shoulders and huge hands and long, long legs. As if aware he was being observed, he turned his head and looked at her and she saw that there was a sadness in those dark brown eyes of his.

" Finally. I thought I was going to have to send in a search party" Alex commented as Bobby slipped into the passenger seat of her SUV.

"Sorry. There's a new teaching assistant in his class," he explained.

"Didn't Nicky like him or her?"

"Her. And yes he did. Took me by surprise"

"I can imagine. Any magic secret?" Bobby glanced at her.

"She has really blonde hair, I think that's what captivated him"

"Just Nicky?" Alex teased and Bobby flushed slightly but didn't respond. She just smiled to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ Many thanks again for the positive reviews. They are always appreciated :)_

_**Four**_

Bobby quickly got into the swing of things at work. Alex noticed that he'd lost none of his single-minded devotion to the job since becoming Nicky's only remaining parent. She enjoyed working with him now as much as she did when they were first assigned as partners. She liked how he thought, his work ethic and his dedication to his son. A lesser man would've crumbled but not Bobby Goren.

"Don't you have to be somewhere?" Bobby looked blankly at her. She tapped her wrist and watched the penny drop. He glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath.

Kate lifted her head when she heard the running footsteps race down the corridor. She glanced down at Nicky.

"I think your daddy has arrived," she told him. Half an hour late but better late than never. Nicky glanced up at her.

"Daddy. Now read book," he commanded, slapping a hand on the page. Kate smiled briefly.

"Demanding aren't you?" she murmured and continued to read.

Bobby skidded to a half in the doorway of the classroom and dragged air into starved lungs. He expected to see his son sitting and rocking at his workstation. Instead he saw him sitting with Kate, leaning against a bright red beanbag and she was quietly reading to him. He was leaning against her, occasionally lifting his face up to hers, and watching her mouth moving. Bobby was astounded, struck speechless at his son's behaviour and the speed of his acceptance. Kate looked up at that point and Bobby suddenly felt self conscious at being caught staring.

"Look who's here" he heard her tell Nicky. He raised his head and looked at him. A smile flashed across his face.

"I'm so sorry I'm late. I lost track of time" he apologised as he entered the classroom. Nicky got to his feet.

"Dad!" he exclaimed and loped towards him. He wrapped his arms around Bobby's chest and hugged him before going to get his coat and backpack. Bobby stared after him in absolute amazement, his heart pounding, his throat threatening to seize up completely

"He doesn't do that often?" Bobby turned and looked at Kate as she came to stand beside him. He coughed a little and then paused briefly.

"Try never. Everything is on Nicky's terms and that includes showing affection. He tolerates it if it's quick and fleeting. Anything more and he panics" he explained.

"Sometimes there are breakthroughs. It gives us hope"

"Us?" she glanced at him. Then she smiled softly.

"My younger brother is autistic, profoundly autistic. Every breakthrough was a blessing for us" she told him.

"What's his name?"

"Michael. He's thirty now" she responded, watching as Nicky came towards them, his jacket unzipped. Kate watched the detective lean over and zip it up for him.

"Well it explains your affinity with my son," he told her as he straightened up and looked at her again. Kate shrugged.

"Nicky is very sweet," she agreed.

"He likes your hair" he watched her touch it self-consciously.

"I noticed" It was then that Nicky tugged the sleeve of Bobby's coat.

"Time to go now daddy" he informed him.

"One second Nicky" he stared into Kate's eyes. They were deep blue in colour, almost startling actually.

"Now" Nicky demanded, tugging his sleeve again. Bobby glanced at him. The look he sent Kate was apologetic.

"We have to go now. Uh…thank you for staying behind with him and again I apologise for my tardiness"

"That's alright" she smiled at him and turned her attention to his son.

"Bye Nicky. See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow" he echoed.

Kate watched them walk down the corridor towards the school exit. They were two alone against the world. Nicky walked ahead of his father, arms held out from his body, fingers flapping, his stride looking awkward and ungainly. She folded her arms. Nicky had definitely gotten most of his looks from his father; the resemblance was downright startling. When the detective had shook her hand this morning, she swore she felt an awareness tingle through her. She wondered whether he had felt it too? The attraction that she'd felt upon meeting him had caught her off guard; she prided herself on her professionalism above everything else. And the detective hadn't even done anything…not deliberately anyway. She turned and went back into the classroom and tided away the book she'd been reading to Nicky before retrieving her jacket and bag from the little cubby that was a break room for the staff and allowed them to store their essentials in. She shrugged on her jacket and looped her bag over her shoulder.

"Where Eames?" Nicky demanded as they stood on the kerb.

"Eames is still at work. We have to get a cab home" he watched his son's expression darken with a familiarity that sent pangs of dread spiking through him.

"No cab. Eames car!" he demanded.

"It's not possible today buddy, I'm sorry" Nicky began to rock backwards and forwards on his heels a familiar moan building up in the back of his throat.

"Aw crap" Bobby cursed beneath his breath. He retrieved his cell phone from his jacket pocket and stared at it for a moment. If Nicky kicked off now there would be no way they would get a cab, no way a cabbie would stop for them, it wasn't as though it hadn't happened before.

"Nicky" he reached for his sleeve but he pulled his arm away. Nicky then lunged forwards, for all intents and purposes about to make a run for it across a busy road. Bobby's eyes widened in panic.

"Nicky! No!" he grabbed the back of his jacket and hauled him backwards. Then he turned him to face him.

"Don't _ever_ run like that again!" he barked. Nicky's face crumpled in distress and that made him feel even worse.

"I'm sorry buddy…dad's sorry" he sighed. Nicky leaned against his father's shoulder.

"Problem detective?" Bobby briefly closed his eyes on hearing Kate's enquiring voice. Nicky heard her too and he straightened up, wiping at the tears smearing his cheeks. Both of them turned and Kate frowned at Nicky's distress.

"What happened?" she asked, coming closer to them. Bobby shifted uncomfortably.

"He tried to run across the road, I had to stop him," he explained without going into too much detail.

"Nicky wants Eames car. No cab!" he exclaimed. Kate looked enquiringly at his father.

"Eames is my partner. Detective Alex Eames. Together we bring Nicky to school every morning. He loves the SUV she drives," he explained. Kate slowly nodded.

"He isn't crazy about cabs?" Bobby shook his head.

"I think its because they're yellow. He's not a fan of yellow," he added. Kate looked at them in turn.

"Well I don't drive a SUV and it's not yellow but maybe I could give you gentlemen a lift to where you need to be?" she suggested. She watched Bobby's eyes widen and he began to shake his head.

"That's not necessary, we'll get a cab," the way he looked at his son told Kate all she needed to know. He'd endure another tantrum if it got him home.

"Nonsense Detective. I'm just parked over here" she looked at Nicky and then back to Bobby. She could see that he was very uncomfortable.

"Honestly, I really don't mind and if Nicky is agreeable then it kills two birds with one stone" she explained. He sighed raggedly and then nodded.

"Okay. Just this one time. Thank you" he looked at his son.

"What do you say Nicky? Want to ride in Miss Jones' car tonight?" Nicky flicked a glance at him and nodded. Bobby looked back at Kate.

"Then I guess that settles it. Thank you"

"My car is over here," she told him, her cheeks staining a light pink that she hoped he couldn't see from this distance. Bobby and Nicky followed and internally Bobby hoped it wasn't a mini because if it was, he was in deep trouble.

Fortunately it wasn't. It looked like a smaller version of Eames's car and Nicky's eyes lit up as he looked at it. The car was also red.

The drive across town didn't take very long. Bobby kept half an eye on Nicky, who was staring around himself, taking it all in with little flickering glances, programming it all into his brain.

"How long have you been a policeman Detective Goren?" Kate's voice was quiet. Bobby looked at her.

"A long time now. I work in Major Case. High profile cases, if it affects the Mayors office then usually we're involved...things like that," he shrugged.

"With Eames" Nicky piped up. Bobby glanced at him, a half smile on his face.

"Yeah. With Eames" Kate glanced at Nicky through the rear view mirror.

"You like Eames Nicky?" she asked him. There was a brief silence. Bobby was about to remind him that Kate had asked him a question

"Yeah" he replied and Kate smiled softly.

Kate followed his directions to their apartment building and as they were pulling up outside, Bobby's cell phone began to ring. He sent Kate an apologetic look as he retrieved it from his jacket pocket.

"Goren" Kate watched a frown wrinkle his brow as he listened intently to the conversation on the other end of the line.

"Now? Eames… You know I still haven't arranged for a new babysitter" she heard him sigh in irritation.

"Okay…okay… I understand" Kate touched his arm and he looked sharply at her.

"If it's an emergency, I can watch Nicky for you" she suggested. He stared at her, his brain ticking over.

"Just a minute" he told the caller, Eames if she wasn't mistaken. He put his hand over the phone receiver and looked at her.

"I can't do this to you on your first day, you've done too much already"

"Nicky seems to be comfortable with me, you obviously have an emergency…I'm available to help you out" he sighed and stared at her some more. Then he sighed deeply.

"Just this one time, okay?" she nodded. He removed his hand from the receiver.

"I'll be there as soon as I can" he told them and broke the connection. His expression was relieved as he pocketed his phone again.

"I do appreciate your help. Normally this didn't used to be a problem, if I was called out on a case then his babysitter was always available"

"And she isn't?" Bobby's expression became sombre.

"She passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. Mrs Johnson, she used to live in our building and she used to collect Nicky from school and watch him til I got back or if I was called away then she'd sit with him til I got back, even if it was really late at night"

"She sounded like an amazing woman" Kate commented. Bobby nodded.

"She was. Nicky adored her" Kate glanced at his son through the rear view mirror.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Five**_

The detective's apartment was surprisingly spacious. Kate stepped over the threshold almost cautiously, taking in her surroundings. The living room was the largest room. It was also sparsely furnished with a black leather sofa, a couple of matching armchairs and a big screen TV and entertainment system. There were framed black and white photographs on one wall. Kate advanced towards them and saw that they were of Nicky, and taken at various times between the ages of five and the present. The black and white shots picked out the darkness of his eyes and his hair. There was one picture of Bobby and his son. Bobby was looking up at the camera whereas Nicky looked away. The resemblance was right there. Bobby looked a little tired but proud all the same. She wondered who had taken the picture.

"Ah. The rogues gallery" Bobby commented quietly from beside her and Kate jumped out of her skin because she hadn't heard him approach. She looked up at him.

"They're very good pictures. I like the one of you both together" Bobby looked at it and smiled nostalgically.

"That was taken last summer…we got invited to my partner's family barbecue for the Fourth of July and her dad took that shot. He thought I'd like it"

"It's a wonderful shot," she agreed. Bobby nodded. Then he seemed to remember that he had to be somewhere else. He looked at Kate.

"I need to show you where stuff is, explain the rules, the routine…follow me" Obediently Kate did just that. They went into the kitchen. She watched Bobby open the refrigerator which was packed pretty full.

"Nicky eats at six. His beaker for his juice and his plate are both red. That's his favourite colour"

"Does he have a special diet?" she watched him shake his head.

"Not really. What he likes is what's good for him…chicken, fish, veggies. He drinks fruit juice…orange, pineapple or apple. Under no circumstances is he to have soda or candy though he will ask for both but he expects to be told no"

"It's part of his routine?" Bobby nodded.

"But it doesn't mean that you can't. Feel free to help yourself to anything and I mean anything. I really appreciate you doing this for me" he flashed a smile at her that made her heart bump in her chest.

"What about a bedtime routine?"

"Bath at seven thirty, bed around eight fifteen. He likes being read to and he'll choose the book and then its lights out by nine, no later. I should be back home by then though" he frowned slightly.

"Don't worry if you're not" he took a card out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. She looked at it. It said 'Robert O. Goren' she looked up at him.

"What does the 'O' stand for?" the question burst out of her before she had the chance to control it. For a second he looked at her in confusion. Then he blinked

"Owen. It stands for Owen. It was my grandmother's maiden name" he replied. Kate slowly nodded.

"Nothing embarrassing then?" she glanced up at him and he realised that she was gently teasing him and he smiled back, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

"No…nothing like that" he looked at his watch.

"I have to say goodbye to Nicky" and he turned and left. Kate followed at a slower pace. There were no signs of neglect or deprivation here. The detective had his daily routine with his son planned to the last moment it would seem. It was the sign of a dedicated man; dedicated to his work and to his disabled son.

Nicky was bouncing around his room, a DVD of the latest Disney movie playing in the background. Kate stood in the doorway and watched Bobby go inside. Nicky seemed to know instinctively that his father was about to head into work again. She couldn't hear what he was saying to him but Nicky seemed to understand. He nodded several times and then eventually exchanged a quick hug with his father before he began bouncing around again. Bobby straightened up and walked slowly out of his son's room. He stood in the entrance with Kate and turned and looked at him. He was dancing around with surprising grace and agility, wrists and hands twisting and twirling.

"He usually spends about an hour doing this. I guess it's his way of decompressing" Bobby exclaimed.

"Michael used to do something similar and in short bursts. Once it was out of his system he'd revert to being very quiet and withdrawn," Kate replied. Bobby glanced at her.

"Who looks after him?" he enquired curiously. She looked up at him.

"He's in a home as such. He's with people like himself and he's very well cared for, he loves it"

"Your parents don't look after him?"

"They did until about five years ago. Then it all got too much for them, they couldn't cope with his rage tantrums any more and after a lot of soul searching they sent him to where he is now but they visit him as often as possible"

"And you do too?" she smiled at him.

"At least once a week" Bobby smiled back. Then he saw that she still carried his card.

"You should get me at either of those numbers. The first one is my work number, the second is my cell number," he explained, using one long finger to point them out. Kate regarded them and nodded.

"Any problems, call me. If you find that you can't handle Nicky then I need to know…straight away" Kate glanced briefly at Nicky and then back at the detective.

"I will…but I think we'll be okay" he looked into her eyes.

"I hope so too and I hope to be back before late" Kate nodded. Bobby began to walk to the front door.

"Like I said before, don't worry…just do your job" she told him softly. He nodded and stared at her for another long moment. His cell phone began to ring again.

"Go. We'll be fine," she urged. He nodded again and stepped outside, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket. He walked away, talking to whoever it was on the other end of the line.

Kate had a meal prepared for Nicky for dead on six just as Bobby had said. By this time Nicky was sitting on the sofa, watching a cartoon on the big screen TV. To look at him, he looked like any other pre-teen, the only thing that gave him away were the constant, almost compulsive movement of his hands and fingers.

"Nicky. Dinner is ready," she told him gently. Without looking at her or even acknowledging her presence, he slipped off the sofa and padded into the kitchen. His feet were bare; apparently his socks and shoes were the first things to come off once he returned back home. She had left his dinner on a kitchen bench, she wanted to see where he sat to eat first rather than put the plate on the table and God forbid, be at the wrong place. She didn't know him entirely well enough to judge his reactions or how strongly he would or could react to whatever disturbed him. He sat down at the table and she placed the plate in front of him, along with a cup of apple juice. She had heated herself some soup and sat opposite him to eat it. Nicky ate quickly and almost compulsively. Not for him was the savouring of something for its flavour or texture, to Nicky, he ate because he was hungry. He quickly cleared his plate and thankfully there were no disagreements. He then seemed to realise that Kate was eating and he watched the bowl almost curiously, flicking unsure glances at her here and there.

"It's soup Nicky. Would you like to try some?" Kate enquired. He seemed to think about it, with a frown on his face that was so like his father's that it was unsettling. Then he shook his head.

"No thank you" he replied in a singsong voice.

"Are you sure? It's really delicious," she added. Again he shook his head, sending those dark curls bouncing.

"Sure. No thank you" he replied.

"You want something for dessert?" She watched his eyes light up.

"Choc'late?" he suggested hopefully.

"I'm sorry Nicky, but your dad said no to chocolate. How about some yoghurt?" the boy nodded quickly.

"Yes please" Kate slipped off her chair and went to the huge refrigerator.

"What flavour would you like?" she asked him, opening the door and perusing the several different flavours lined up.

"Strawberry" he replied almost happily and Kate selected the required flavour. She placed the yoghurt in front of him and watched as he peeled the lid off.

It was very late by the time Bobby let himself in. He had checked his phone constantly all evening, almost expecting her to call and tell him that she couldn't cope with taking care of him. The phone call hadn't come. He'd missed Nicky's bedtime and felt guilty for being later than he'd promised.

He tiptoed into the living room. Kate was reclined on the sofa, watching a news channel, the volume turned down low.

"Hey" Bobby greeted and she turned her head his way and smiled at him. He watched her unfurl her legs from under her. He came further in and put a leather binder onto the coffee table. He shrugged off his coat and his jacket. He wore a mid blue shirt, a striped tie hanging loosely around his neck. She watched him loosen it completely and pull it free from the collar which he draped over the back of an armchair.

"Any problems?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

"None" she replied. Bobby paused as he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. He looked at her in surprise.

"Really?" Her smile returned.

"Really. He's been great. Ate all his dinner, asked for chocolate like you said and no, I didn't give him any. Helped me clean the dishes and then we watched TV before bath and bedtime. He does love his cartoons doesn't he?" Bobby smiled.

"Yeah. All the old favourites, Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes, the Road Runner… they make him laugh though I don't know whether he understands what's going on"

"I think it's the fact that they chase each other around and move so quickly," she added. Bobby slowly nodded.

"Maybe. When he was little, he loved Thomas the Tank Engine. A lot of autistic kids do"

"Because the faces don't move, only the eyes, which makes it easier for them to know what's going on without the added difficulty of trying to read facial expressions" she commented.

"Well in the concept of time he's almost a teenager but to him it's irrelevant. If he wants to watch Thomas the Tank Engine or Tom and Jerry then that's fine by him. He may be almost a teenager but once in a while he likes to revert to watching a Thomas DVD. He doesn't have the ...social skills or... programming to understand that technically he's outgrown them" Bobby replied and he watched as she got to her feet and walked towards him.

"Would you like me to heat you something? You look exhausted" he looked away.

"No. Kate you've done so much for me…for us... in such a short space of time. You must want to go home, I don't want to keep you" she looked at him.

"It's been fun. And there's nothing waiting for me except an empty apartment. Have you eaten or would you like a cup of coffee instead?" she walked past him and into the kitchen. He paused for a second and then followed.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **_Many, many thanks for the great reviews, it's really encouraging :) I did mean to mention that in the previous chapter, saying the 'O' in Bobby's middle name stood for Owen is just my interpretation, it's not canon. The updates may be a tad slower after the next chapter but i will keep updating. Thanks again :)_

_**Six**_

His kitchen was clean, dishes washed and arranged neatly on the drainer. She'd also made a fresh pot of coffee. Bobby could barely get his head around it all. She went towards the coffee pot and looked at him enquiringly.

"Coffee detective?" he walked towards her.

"Call me Bobby. And I should be getting that for you" he stood beside her and then leaned over to open the cupboard by her head where he extracted two mugs. He placed them on the bench beside her and she watched him pour coffee into them both, nudging one of the cups towards her. She picked it up and wrapped her hands around it and took an experimental sip. Bobby picked up his cup and moved away from her. She turned more fully so that her back was against the bench and watched him. He really did look tired. His hair was rumpled and there were deep shadows beneath his eyes. Her heart twinged with sympathy. He was doing this all alone. He had no wife, he held down a pretty demanding job that obligated all of his attention and then there was Nicky. She wondered how he did it and stayed sane. By a hair's breadth she'd guess. She glanced at her watch then and her eyes widened. She straightened up, placing her mug back on the bench.

"I really should be going, I didn't realise it was so late" she murmured.

"That was my fault. I should apologise" she glanced at him and shook her head.

"We already covered that. I was glad to be able to help out. And that reminds me. Do you have a pen?" She watched him look around the kitchen and then head towards a drawer and open it. He took out a pen and as luck would have it, a note pad too.

"Need this too?" he enquired, indicating the notepad. She glanced at him.

"What? You're psychic too? Yeah" she went towards him as he put both onto the kitchen table and he watched her pick them up. She scribbled down two numbers. The second one was a cell phone number. She ripped the paper from its bed and handed it to him.

"My home and cell numbers. I want you to call me if you find yourself in need of someone to watch Nicky again" he frowned and looked at her "or even if you just need a friendly ear, or shoulder or whatever" she added. His look became more intense as if he was more than tempted. A frisson of something shot through her.

"Thanks. I'm going to start looking for a new sitter soon" he told her. She shrugged with pretended nonchalance.

"Well, maybe til then, should you need a sitter then I'd be happy to fill in. The friendship part is for as long as you need it, if you think you need it" she tacked on. She got the feeling he did a lot of this alone by preference. Well she wanted to remind him that he truly wasn't ever alone. He nodded slowly. He watched her glance down at her bare feet and shoot him a rueful look.

"I'd better find my shoes first" she murmured and left him alone in the kitchen.

A minute or two later and she was by the front door wearing her jacket and shoes, her bag slung over one shoulder. Bobby met her there and she looked up at him.

"I hope you'll take me up on my offer of help Bobby. I'd really like to" he just nodded. She scanned his face.

"Go get some sleep. If Nicky is anything like Michael then he's an early riser"

"Habitually" he confirmed. Kate sent him a quick smile.

"I could walk you to your car?" he suggested. She just shook her head.

"Go check on Nicky. I'll probably see you in the morning when you drop him off" he nodded.

"See you then"

"Thanks again Kate" he murmured. Another faint smile and she was gone. Presently Bobby closed the door and locked it. He exhaled loudly and went to check on his son.

* * *

Bobby stared at the piece of paper for the longest minute. He had carried it around in his folder ever since she'd written it down. Once in a while he slipped it out and stared at it, much as he was doing now. He hadn't needed her to sit with Nicky again, work had settled down quite quickly and he'd even managed to show up on time to take him home but the hunting for a new sitter was proving to be disastrous. Nicky hated every single one of them. It both frustrated and scared him but he had to get it absolutely right. He had seen Kate every day since she'd sat with his son and sometimes he felt as though he was going to burst out and say something idiotic because she tied him up in knots. He, with the super high IQ was struck dumb by a smile from his son's classroom assistant. It was a new feeling for him and he was having a tough time dealing with it. He couldn't even read whether it was reciprocated or not. He stared at the kitchen phone, his stomach churning acidly. He could hear Nicky bouncing around in his bedroom. Bobby took a deep breath and snatched up the phone. He keyed in her home number before he changed his mind. It rang and rang. He let it ring out six more times before he went to disconnect. At the last possible moment he heard her say a breathless hello and he wondered what he'd interrupted. 

"Did I call at a bad time?" he closed his eyes, imagining all sorts of scenarios and none of them were good.

"Bobby! No, I was unlocking my front door when I heard the phone ring. How are you?"

"I'm…I'm okay. How…how about you?"

"I'm good. Do you need me to sit with Nicky today?" His mind went blank as he listened to her voice.

"Uh…no. Actually I was wondering whether you had anything planned for this afternoon?"

"Not a thing. Why?" His eyes popped open. Maybe this wouldn't be so tough after all.

"Well…Nicky and I were planning a visit to the zoo…and we were wondering whether you'd…you'd like to join us?" he suggested. There was a brief, almost palpable silence.

"I would love to. Would you like me to pick you up?" she replied. Relief flooded him and he almost didn't hear her request.

"Oh no. We invited you, how about we meet up outside of the zoo. Around noon?"

"Noon will be fine. I'll look forward to it"

And she was there. She was waiting for them as promised and she looked fresh and so pretty in a pink t-shirt and an ankle length floral skirt. Bobby and Nicky had arrived by bus, a rare treat for Nicky who liked to travel anywhere by bus when they got the time. Kate smiled as Nicky loped towards her, a big smile on his face.

"Hi Kate" he greeted, his brown eyes alive with excitement as he took in his surroundings. She had never seen him this animated and quickly guessed that the zoo was a favourite place for him to visit.

"Hi Nicky" she looked up as Bobby caught up with them. He wore three quarter length khaki shorts and a loose white t-shirt, sunglasses hiding his eyes. He looked a far cry from the conservative, suit-wearing detective of the NYPD Major Case Squad. He had a navy blue backpack slung over one shoulder and for once he looked relaxed and almost happy.

"Nicky loves the zoo I take it?" she guessed. He smiled.

"After Barnes and Noble and Borders, yeah he does. Hi" he replied. Kate smiled in return and her smile threatened to tie his stomach into knots again.

"Do you visit often?" she asked him as they walked towards the entrance.

"Once or twice a month in the spring and summer months, less often at other times. " Bobby replied.

"I haven't visited in such a long time" she confided and he looked at her.

"Then allow us to be your tour guides. Nicky knows all the best places"

Bobby realised that inviting Kate along with them had been a stroke of genius. The change in Nicky's demeanour was almost instantaneous. While there was nothing noticeably different about him, he still drew attention with his odd mannerisms and speech patterns, inwardly he seemed to be calmer, more centred almost and he certainly enjoyed Kate's company. Bobby couldn't remember him reacting to anyone like he reacted to Kate, not even Mrs Johnson.

"I'm hungry" Nicky announced and looked to his father expectantly. Bobby noticed those looks were happening more often. They were near a picnic area in the central part of the zoo and there were a lot of families congregated with the same goal in mind.

"Want to choose somewhere to sit?" he asked him and instantly Nicky loped off across the grass. Kate and Bobby exchanged a look. Nicky stopped beneath the shade of a huge spreading oak tree and turned their way, his stance almost expectant.

"Well, I guess we're going over there" he sighed and Kate smiled in response. They walked companionably side by side to where Nicky still stood. He was looking up at the leaves, no doubt watching the way the sunlight glittered through them. His hands were flapping gently.

She stood and watched as Bobby knelt down on the grass and zipped open the backpack. He pulled out a blanket and spread it out. He looked at her.

"Take a seat" Nicky also sat, kind of throwing himself down in an untidy tangle of arms and legs, laughing as his father jokingly admonished him for taking up so much space. Kate carefully sat down beside him, arranging her skirt around her legs.

"Here" Bobby handed her a bottle of water. He turned to Nicky and handed him a red plastic bottle that no doubt contained juice of some description. She watched Bobby sit down in between them, another bottle in his big hands. He glanced at her.

"Having fun?" she smiled at him.

"I am actually. This was a great idea, thank you for inviting me" his gaze seemed to sharpen and focus on her face.

"You're welcome" he replied and unscrewed the plastic top and took a quick swig of water. She watched him as he dipped back into the backpack and took out a plastic box which contained what looked like sandwiches. He handed it to Nicky and watched him prise it open. Bobby looked at her again.

"Want an apple?" he asked. She just nodded and he handed one to her, their fingers brushing at one point. They exchanged a long look before Bobby bit into his apple and turned his head to see what his son was doing.

They toured the rest of the zoo. Bobby was right in saying that they were excellent tour guides. Nicky delighted in showing her his favourite animals, telling her their names and their Latin names. It was almost closing time by the time it all ended. They headed off to the gift shop.

It was busy with last minute gift hunters. Kate followed Bobby as he kept his son in his sights as he headed towards the soft toys. She watched them explore what was on sale and smiled when Nicky selected a rather magnificent looking tiger. She saw the way Nicky glanced up at his face and smiled at him then nod his head. Bobby took the toy from him and together they made their way to the cash desk.

He was tired as Kate parked her car. She stopped the engine and turned and looked at him. His eyelids were heavy and drooping, the tiger clutched in his hands. Bobby also looked and smiled.

"He's worn out," he murmured in a low voice. Kate smiled.

"He's had a great afternoon" she replied and he heard the smile in her voice. He looked at her.

"Want to come up for coffee? If you want to we could order in?" she looked at him. After what felt like an indeterminably long time she nodded.

"Sounds like it could be fun. Need any help?" She watched as Bobby unfastened his seatbelt and got out of the car. He looked at her as she followed suit.

"If you could grab the backpack then that would be great," he commented, helping Nicky out. The child grumbled and complained under his breath at being disturbed but allowed his father to half lift, half support him out of the back seat.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **_Thanks so much for the continued interest and reviews, believe me, they are totally appreciated. A couple of you have been wondering whether Kate and Bobby will take things 'further'...well...in this chapter, it kinda happens. But don't blame me, i go where i'm told to go...so if you want to blame anyone...blame Bobby LOL. As always, thoughts and impressions appreciated :)

* * *

__**Seven**_

"That didn't take long" Kate commented as Bobby came into the kitchen. She was in the process of unpacking the backpack, sorting out what needed to be put into the garbage and what needed to be cleaned. She looked up at him.

"You pack for everything don't you?" she smiled as she extracted a pack of wet wipes as well as a complete change of clothes for Nicky.

"With my son you just never know what's going to happen. I prepare for every possibility" He went around her and picked up the small plastic boxes and dumped the contents into the trash.

"Nicky asleep already?" she asked him. He glanced at her and nodded.

"He's worn out. Maybe he'll be kind and let his old dad sleep til dawn" he came to stand beside her. She glanced at him, a smile still playing around her lips.

"You're not old" she responded. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm older than you," he told her. She looked at him more fully.

"Not by all that much. I'm thirty six, how old are you?"

"Forty four. Eight years" she widened her eyes.

"You make it sound like you're eighty years older. Age is but a number. How old do you really feel?" she teased.

"Usually about a hundred and fifty. Today…maybe a hundred" he laughed as she elbowed him in his ribs. She turned so her back was against the bench and that she could regard him more fully.

"So you're older, you have a bit of grey in your hair, so what? It doesn't bother me in the slightest" he stopped what he was doing and stared at her. Her stomach plunged to her boots. Had she said something wrong?

"It…it doesn't?" she just shook her head. She took a deep breath then reached across and placed her hand on top of one of his. His dwarfed hers. He turned his hand over so that he captured her fingers. Her heart pounding, Kate stared at him. She took a step closer to him. He still watched her. She stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth, feeling the roughness of stubble beneath her lips. She gently laid her hands against his chest, feeling the warm skin through the cotton of his t-shirt. For one brief moment she thought that he wasn't going to react but slowly he turned his head and this time he kissed her, at the same time his arm slipped around her waist and he drew her closer to him. Moments passed in a pleasant haze. She felt a little giddy, definitely dizzy, her heart pulsating, sending shimmers rushing through her entire central nervous system. Bobby was the first to draw back. He looked into her eyes, almost questioning her reason for wanting to kiss him and his own for obliging her.

"I can't do this Kate," he murmured. His arm was still around her waist, almost anchoring him to her and she made no effort to move, she felt absolutely happy where she was. She tipped her head to one side.

"Can't or won't?" this time his hold loosened around her and he was the one who physically removed himself, took himself away from her.

"Does it matter? God Kate, you're my son's teacher, there's Nicky to consider in all of this, my age, and it's been so long for me, that it just feels…weird, like I'm out of practice or just too damned old" Kate took a deep breath and refused to feel insulted. She'd been right in her summation that Bobby was as attracted to her as she was to him. The way that he'd kissed her had been proof of that.

"School will be out for the summer soon, so technically for three months I won't be Nicky's teacher. We could keep everything between us so Nicky needn't know. Like I said before, age is a number and it certainly doesn't bother me. Stuff like this is like riding a bike, even after a while you just…remember what to do, it just takes a little confidence that's all" she told him in a quiet, dignified voice. He looked at her for a long moment or two and then shook his head.

"Confidence. It's been eight years since I had _any_ kind of a relationship; I've put everything, _everything _on hold for my son. He will always come first with me Kate and I wouldn't want that to come between us because I refuse to compromise on it" Kate shrugged.

"You forget that I have an autistic brother Bobby, I've worked with autistic kids all my adult life. I know Nicky will always be your first thought in the morning and your last one at night, I wouldn't expect anything less of you" she walked towards him. She took one of his hands and looked down at it, seeing how it engulfed her own, saw the power in those long fingers and that huge palm. Strength and gentleness combined, she could see it in him.

"I won't push, I have no right to but there is an…attraction between us, you can't deny it. I've seen how you look at me when you think I'm not looking. So what I'm going to suggest is that I leave the ball in your court, I'm not going to spoil a great day by arguing with you. Just take your time and think about it" she released her grip on his hand.

"Are we still going to order in? Because I'm starving" Bobby could only stare after her in amazement. She had guts, he had to give her that. He shook his head slowly. Kate smiled.

* * *

They ordered in Chinese food and sat on the sofa and ate it out of the containers. The television was on, set to a news channel and Bobby was watching it with a mild frown of concentration on his face.

"Can I ask you something?" she began. Bobby turned his head and looked at her. He regarded her warily before nodding.

"Sure" he tacked on.

"What are you going to do about Nicky's care once school's out for the summer?" he watched her for a moment.

"The plan was for him to stay with his sitter through the day whilst I went to work"

"The search not going very well?" he just shook his head, placing the food container onto the coffee table.

"He hates them all. He either asks for Mrs Johnson or for you" he replied quietly. A warm feeling built up inside of her at the thought of Nicky being so comfortable with her that he'd want her to take care of him. She placed her own food container on the table beside his.

"Actually that has given me an idea, if you're agreeable to it" she began and faced him more fully.

"How about I become Nicky's sitter for the summer?" she watched his eyes widen.

"Why?" she shrugged.

"Why not? It's a perfect plan. Nicky already knows me, so do you. I could come here and sit with him or he could come to me or we'd alternate, whatever Nicky would feel comfortable with. Then you could go to work and not have to worry about how he'd be coping" she watched him mull it over. Then he shrugged.

"I suppose it could work. But I'd pay you. I insist" he told her as he watched her begin to shake her head " He goes through phases where all he seems to do is eat, he likes to be outside on warm days and then there's the bookstore trips, the park…it all adds up" he continued. Kate sighed.

"Okay. Just to cover those, nothing else. I'd really like to if Nicky is agreeable to the idea. We could do a week long trial if you're not entirely sure," she suggested. Bobby sighed.

"You've got it worked out haven't you? How could I say no to you, to your enthusiasm? Let me talk it over with Nicky tomorrow and I'll let you know" Kate nodded happily.

It was late by the time Kate took her leave. Bobby checked on Nicky and then walked her down to her car. He watched as she paused by the driver's door and looked at him.

"See you on Monday?" she enquired quietly. He nodded slowly, still watching her. He watched her unlock the door and he caught it as she opened it wide enough so she could get inside. He closed the door firmly behind her and they exchanged a long look before she started the engine.

Nicky hadn't moved when he returned. The trip to the zoo had worn him out. Bobby smiled to himself and slipped out of his room. He walked slowly back into the living room, onto the sofa and lay back. He stared up at the ceiling his thoughts turning to Kate. It would be so easy to just jump into some sort of a relationship with her; she had more than indicated her interest. But he had held back, as he always did. What was he so afraid of? Having his heart broken? There hadn't been anyone in his life since Nicky arrived; he'd turned all of his attention to him, brutally switching off everything else. Kate had offered him an insight into what he could have if he wanted it badly enough. But what if it got too serious too quickly, what then? He gave himself a mental shake. He was thinking about things that might never happen. Then there was Nicky. He already enjoyed Kate's company outside of school, was on his way to forming a bond with her. What if he did start a relationship with Kate only for it to end, how would his son react to that? He sighed again. His brain went into overload, one question followed by another, none of them he could answer satisfactorily.

Nicky was awake early on Sunday morning. He loped straight into his father's room and climbed into the bed beside him. Bobby woke up to the sound of his babbling. He opened his eyes to see him sat up in the bed beside him rocking backwards and forwards, his wrists twisting and his fingers twirling. He sighed quietly and took a peek at the clock. Six thirty. Well, he'd slept straight through the night so he should be grateful for that.

"Hey Nicky" he greeted, still half asleep. Nicky turned his head his way but didn't look at him.

"Kate gone" he announced, hands still twisting and twirling. Bobby slowly sat up and scrubbed at his face.

"Yeah buddy, she went home last night. You miss her?"

"Yeah" his son confirmed after a short silence

"You'll see her tomorrow at school as usual"

"Kate went to zoo…I like the zoo" Nicky commented.

"You like Kate too huh?" This time Nicky just nodded. Bobby looked at him. The boy needed a haircut, another hurdle to negotiate.

"How would you like Kate to sit with you during the summer? When I have to go to work?"

"Want Mrs Johnson"

"I know you do but you know that's not going to happen anymore. But what about Kate? Do you think that would be a good idea?" he waited for him to respond, if at all. Nicky glanced at him.

"Yes. Good idea" he answered. Bobby kind of thought that he'd say that. He sighed again.

"Then I guess it's a yes then" he muttered.

"Guess it's a yes then daddy" Nicky echoed and then laughed to himself. Bobby smiled wryly and then got out of bed.

"Come on then, let's get some breakfast and then later I'll call her to let her know of your decision"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **_Thank you again for the reviews. Okay, having not seen s5 or s6 here (blame UK tv channels and their slooow schedules), has it been ascertained just how long Bobby has been in Major Case? Was the ep 'One' his first day on the job? For the purpose of this story, i've made his tenure in Major Case longer than the show has been on the air. Any other errors are strictly my own. As is the character of Janette, she's mentioned briefly in this chapter.

* * *

__**Eight**_

It was the final day of school before the summer vacation. Kate was caught up in the process of helping the children prepare for the routine that was going home. So far Bobby had been there every afternoon since their conversation after the zoo trip. He hadn't been late once. Her heart had tripped in her chest each time she had seen him waiting, looking so handsome, so distinguished in his suit. Nothing more had been said of their kiss in the kitchen and she wondered if he'd put it out of his mind because she found it really difficult to do the same. Bobby had called her a couple of days after her suggestion about sitting with Nicky through the summer to tell her that Nicky was agreeable to the idea and her heart had lifted. The bell rang signifying the end of the day. The main door opened and the parents and carers began to come inside. The room was filled with chatter and laughter. Kate was helping a student make sure that he had everything that he needed for the long three-month vacation. One or two of the kids were leaving, to begin new chapters of their lives and there were more students arriving in the fall.

Bobby was early collecting Nicky from school. He was actually waiting outside of the classroom when the final bell of the day rang. He waited as each student left, their arms loaded with their achievements of the year. Fat folders filled with artwork, photographs and mementoes. Bobby looked forward to tonight, once Nicky was in bed, he'd flip through his and marvel at what he had accomplished in a year and squelch down the sadness of feeling that he probably wouldn't or couldn't improve further than that. He straightened up when Nicky emerged. Kate was behind him and it was she who carried his folder. She smiled at him and handed it to him. He accepted it then took a shaky breath. For the next week and hopefully after that the next three months she was going to take care of his son while he worked and he hoped to God it would be okay.

"I was…wondering…" he began and he paused and swallowed. He frowned slightly and then looked at her.

"I was wondering…whether you'd like to come over to the apartment tonight. We could talk more about taking care of Nicky"

"I'd like to. What time?" she watched as his eyebrows rose at the swiftness of her acceptance.

"Uh. How about just before six?" he suggested.

"Right before Nicky's dinner? Sure, I can do that" he regarded her for a moment. She reached out and touched his upper arm.

"I'll see you just before six" she promised him softly.

Bobby usually spent his lunch hours doing grocery shopping, picking up his dry cleaning or any other domestic emergency, it was an easier schedule for him than having to drag Nicky around with him and risk a tantrum but today he hadn't had time because of the case he and Alex were working on and as a result the cupboards were bare.

Thankfully Nicky didn't seem to mind the trip to the grocery store so much; maybe it was the bright colours of the kid's magazine that caught his attention. He carried it in his hands and walked companionably beside his father and the shopping cart as Bobby methodically shopped and kept a half eye on his son. The groceries were bagged and paid for and Bobby was thankful that home was a ten-minute walk around the corner. The Gods were smiling down on him it would seem as Nicky carried one of the grocery bags, it contained his magazine and a new box of his breakfast cereal and one or two other small items but he carried it without complaint.

Kate was waiting outside of his door and Bobby mentally groaned. Either they were late or she was early. She saw them and smiled and Bobby watched her walk towards him.

"Let me help you with those," she offered, lifting two of the bags out of his already overcrowded arms.

"Oh…but…" she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Unless you have an extra pair of arms, you're going to have to unlock the door, right?" she reminded him and he had to concede, she had a very good point there.

* * *

Kate placed the two grocery bags that she carried on the kitchen table and turned to see Nicky do likewise before darting out again. Bobby was the last one to dispose of his packages and he turned his head in time to see his son disappear. He looked back at her and smiled ruefully. 

"Sorry about this…" he indicated the bags. She smiled at him.

"I was early, so don't worry about it. Need any help?" she watched him shake his head. At that point in time Nicky reappeared. He was barefoot this time and he headed towards the bags, he looked through each of them before finding what he was searching for and retrieving it. Kate watched him leave again with a brightly coloured magazine in his hand.

Kate felt a little uncomfortable watching Bobby putting the groceries away but he did it quickly and efficiently and finally he was finished.

"Have you eaten? I have to fix Nicky's dinner but later we could do something, order in, or I can make something…"

"How about I make you something?" she suggested and he seemed to pause.

"It really wouldn't be a problem to…"

"When was the last time someone made you dinner Bobby? Let me do this. I can cook, and you can be a guinea pig for Nicky" a faint smile crossed his face.

"Well, if you want to put it like that…" he commented and she smiled back at him.

"I'm sure once you've taken care of Nicky there are one or two things you need to do, I'm offering you the opportunity to do it" he sighed and smiled again.

"Okay…okay…." He conceded, lifting both hands, palms outwards.

* * *

She turned her head and looked at him and then she laughed. Bobby glanced down at his t-shirt and then looked back at her, a rueful smile forming on his face. 

"Who actually had the bath, you or Nicky?" she teased. He shrugged and walked towards her.

"What can I say except that he loves his time in the tub" he replied and came to stand beside her.

"I can see that, I could hear too. He settle down okay?" she looked at him as he nodded. He was standing close to her, barely a millimetre separating them.

"Need any help with anything?" his voice was soft and she looked at him again.

"I have everything under control" she replied. He nodded and took a couple of steps back.

It felt alien to him that she was walking around his kitchen, opening cupboards and drawers with easy familiarity. She was completely comfortable and he just wasn't. It felt odd to him to sit and do nothing. She had changed out of her work clothes and wore tight, well-washed jeans and a black t-shirt that hugged her body in all the right places. He pulled his eyes away from her and forced himself to concentrate on the newspaper that was being ignored in front of him. He shouldn't look at her like that, he had no right to no matter what she said or implied.

"Ready to eat?" her voice was quiet and his head snapped up and he looked at her again to see her standing with two plates in her hands. He got to his feet.

"Sure" he looked to the dining table to see it set with silverware and placemats. When had she done that? Had he been so out of it that he'd missed that? He quickly shook his head as he followed her.

"This is really good…." He commented a little while later. She'd made a simple dish of pasta with a homemade tomato sauce, blended in some mushrooms and added some herbs. She smiled.

"Does Nicky like pasta?" Bobby glanced at her and then nodded.

"He loves it which is fortunate and he likes tomato sauces most of all, so he'd enjoy this, just don't give him garlic bread because it can seriously upset his stomach," Kate looked at the sliced up garlic bread she'd warmed prior to serving up the meal.

"Noted and filed away," she commented and he smiled at her.

He watched her reach for the dishes and he covered her hand with his.

"What do you think you're doing?" his reproach was mild and she looked down at his hand. It almost covered her own entirely.

"Cleaning up?" slowly Bobby shook his head and rose to his feet.

"You cooked, I clean" he told her and let go of her hand as she moved it away. He pointed at her

"Sit back down" he instructed her and watched as slowly she did so. He smiled to himself as he gathered up the plates and silverware and carried them towards the sink.

* * *

He made coffee and together they carried them through to the living room. He watched as she went back to the rogue's gallery and stood in front of them. Those pictures fascinated her for some reason. She turned her head and looked at him as he came to stand beside her. 

"Can I ask you something?" he took a sip of his coffee and regarded her. She couldn't miss the guarded expression in his eyes.

"Um…yeah, I suppose so" he told her. Kate briefly returned her attention back to the pictures.

"Where's Nicky's mother? Did she take any of the pictures?" Jane Green hadn't gone into exact specifics about Nicky's mother, just that Bobby was a single parent. Bobby seemed to freeze briefly.

"Janette has no part in Nicky's life. Her choice" he watched Kate look at him, her eyes becoming wide.

"She abandoned him?" she whispered. Bobby looked at the pictures, remembering exactly what he and Nicky were doing each and every time.

"When he was five years old. I guess she couldn't cope with him and put him in foster care" he explained and saw how Kate then regarded him.

"I didn't know he existed til his caseworker showed up at work one day to tell me I had a son" If possible, Kate gaped even more and Bobby gave her a rueful look.

"Nicky's birthday is October 1st. Taking into account that under most circumstances, a baby decides when he or she will make their appearance in the world, you do the math. I met her in a bar, it was Christmas, I was feeling miserable and there she was. It was a one night stand and when I woke up the next morning she was gone and I haven't seen her since" he didn't apologise for his behaviour. He turned and walked away and sat on the sofa. She watched him go and then followed him.

"It must've been one hell of a shock, finding out you were a father, just like that" she sat down and he sent her a quick look.

"Yeah, 'specially since I used a condom. Obviously it failed because…here he is" he rubbed one big hand along the back of his neck. Kate tilted her head to one side as she regarded him, seeing him in profile.

"She took care of him for five years Bobby, she can't be all that bad. Some people have their limits, moments where they just can't go any further" he turned his head slightly to regard her.

"She could've found me, she knew I was a cop. I would've helped" he shook his head slightly. It didn't matter any more.

"She wouldn't have known that after a one night stand Bobby" he just shrugged in response.

"I wasn't in Major Case then" he added and Kate frowned.

"You weren't?" he slowly shook his head.

"I was in Narcotics, pretty deep but once I had Nicky, I immediately requested a transfer out and got into Major Case and haven't regretted it"

"If anything had happened to me where I was, Nicky was vulnerable, he has no one else to take care of him, I'm it for him"

"Don't you have any other family?" He thought of his mother in Carmel Ridge, his brother God only knew where and he shook his head. Suddenly it scared him; that should he be hit by a bus or struck down in the line of duty then his son would be all alone. It left him feeling chilled to the bone. He sighed loudly and pulled a hand through his already untidy hair.

"So you really are doing this alone aren't you?" her voice was barely above a murmur and he looked at her.

"I guess I am" he replied just as quietly.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **_Again, many thanks for all the reviews. Apologies for the slowness of the update but i'm writing this when i have time, which, with two kids on Easter holidays, isn't as often as i'd like. Kate and Alex meet for the first time. Again, all errors are mine.

* * *

__**Nine**_

Kate regarded him for a long moment.

"You're a very strong man. You work, you take care of your son, alone" He almost told her about his mother then but didn't.

"I'm not alone, millions of people do it every day" He stood up suddenly, acutely uncomfortable at hearing her honestly spoken words.

"They're not you" he looked at her.

"I'm not perfect Kate. Nicky and I have bad days. There are times where it feels like we're at loggerheads all the time. I get tired, the job makes me tired, my life makes me tired and I wonder what the hell I'm doing trying to keep all the strings together but I have to keep trying, to keep all those…strings tight in my hand because if I …let go of just one…" Kate slowly rose. She walked towards him and paused. She reached out between them and caught one of his hands. He watched as she lifted it, slipping her fingers through his. Then she looked at him again.

"You have big hands," she told him quietly. He continued to watch her, all of sudden finding it hard to breathe.

"Kate…" whatever he had been about to say was lost when both of them heard a thump coming from Nicky's bedroom. Bobby sighed quietly.

"He's fallen out of bed again," he told her and she let go of his hand as together they went to see him.

Nicky was in the process of climbing back into bed. Kate stood in the doorway and watched Bobby go in and settle his son down, picking up the duvet and settling it over him. Then he turned his head and briefly looked at Kate before returning his attention to Nicky.

Kate's stomach was tied up in knots early that Monday morning as she drove to Bobby and Nicky's apartment. Today was her first day of a week long probation and she was nervous. She wanted to make a good impression. Even though the three of them were progressing in getting to know each other better out of school and so far it had been successful, she was still nervous. Maybe because things had been left unsaid after Nicky fell out of bed. Bobby had opened up to her about Nicky's circumstances, about his own feelings and she had a feeling that being that open wasn't something he usually did. After settling Nicky down, he had concentrated exclusively on his son and as a result Kate owned a set of keys into the apartment, a book filled with different phone numbers, of Nicky's doctor, dentist, his routines and his likes and his dislikes.

* * *

It was early when she arrived, let herself into the apartment and her heart began pulsing in her chest. She listened and then smiled when she heard Nicky's chattering.

"It's only me" she called out and a minute later she peeped her head into the kitchen to see the two of them eating breakfast. Nicky looked up on hearing Kate's voice and a quick smile lit up his face.

"Kate here" he announced and Bobby smiled at him.

"I told you she would be here" and Nicky nodded vigorously.

"Yeah. Kate here. Dad go now" Kate couldn't miss the look of surprise that crossed Bobby's face at his son's pronouncement.

"Soon Nicky. When Eames gets here" he reminded him quietly and then he looked at Kate and there was a look in his eyes that she couldn't immediately identify. He got to his feet and went towards her.

"Hi" he greeted and she sent him a smile in response before approaching Nicky.

"Hi Nicky" she greeted and his gaze flicked up to hers briefly.

"Hi Kate. Dad go to work now" Kate turned her head to see Bobby pouring coffee into a cup.

"He will be going soon" she watched him approach her and hand her the cup before sitting down beside his son again.

"I think he just wants you all to himself" he replied with a twinkle in his eye. Kate smiled.

She watched Nicky finish his cereal and take it to the sink where he rinsed it through and placed it on the drainer. Then he flitted out of the kitchen, leaving the grown ups alone with their coffee. Kate looked at him, the coffee he'd given to her between her palms.

"You're still okay with me taking care of Nicky, right?" she asked him quietly. He looked at her and nodded.

"If I had any second thoughts, you'd know about it. I've put a copy of Nicky's routine on the fridge. With plenty of preparation he can be open to new experiences as you will know from school, he doesn't like new things just being sprung on him, it confuses him"

"Would he be okay with a trip to the park this morning? It promises to be a lovely day" Bobby slowly nodded.

"Yeah, he's familiar with the park so that should be okay. And keep your cell phone switched on at all times. I have your number in my phone"

"And yours is in mine. The second there's a problem I'll be in touch" she watched him nod rapidly.

"I know this is tough for you but we'll be okay" she reassured him. He sent her a brief smile.

"Mrs Johnson took care of him since I first got custody of him. I trusted her implicitly and no offence…but it's going to take time for me to build up to the same level with you" Kate nodded.

"I understand," she told him. He exhaled loudly.

"I know you do and God knows I'm grateful that you're willing to do this…" the buzzer sounded and Bobby glanced at his watch. At the same time they heard running footsteps and he got to his feet.

"Eames!" Nicky announced and stood by the door, and waited for his father to open it, which he did.

Kate stood up and turned and watched as the mysterious Eames came inside. She took a deep breath and slowly walked towards the small group. She was Bobby's partner and had been for a while. Why did she feel so nervous all of a sudden?

* * *

Alex Eames regarded her as she slowly approached them. Well she'd give Nicky points, she did have really nice hair and she wondered whether it was natural or it came out of a bottle. Right now it fastened back, one or two wisps framing her cheekbones. She was also casually dressed in jeans and a blue and white striped t-shirt. She snuck a glance at Bobby who was also watching Kate _uh-oh_ Her partner definitely liked this one, noting the warmth in his eyes as he watched her approach.

"You must be Nicky's babysitter for the summer. I'm Alex Eames" she introduced, holding out a hand. Kate took it and smiled.

"Yeah I am. Kate Jones. It's nice to meet you finally. Nicky has mentioned you a few times" she responded. Nicky in the meantime had disappeared.

"It's the car right? He loves my car" Kate smiled and nodded. Then Alex glanced at Bobby who seemed to snap to.

"Just need to grab my folder, see Nicky and we can go," he told her and they both watched him head into the living room. Kate then looked at Alex.

"Want some coffee whilst you're waiting?" she offered and saw her shake her head.

"I'm good thanks" she followed Kate into the kitchen and watched as she gathered up the breakfast dishes. She looked comfortable in here and she turned her head as Bobby reappeared, carrying his leather folder. Alex turned to go back to the front door but Bobby paused in the kitchen.

"Nicky is watching a DVD and should be good for another half hour. My phone is switched on, anything happens, _anything_ then get in touch. Anything you're not sure about, call me," he instructed her.

"Absolutely" she assured him and he was sure he saw a twinkle in her blue eyes.

"We have to get this right Kate, there is no room for mistakes, it has to be right"

"Bobby… I know. Now go to work" she touched his sleeve and subtly urged him closer to his partner and towards the front door.

"I'll be back before six, if I'm held up I'll call," he added on as Alex opened the door and went out. Kate had to suppress the very strong urge to push him out after his partner.

"Have a good day" she told him and watched him leave.

* * *

"Now I see why Nicky is so taken with her, she's pretty" Alex commented as they walked down the stairs. Bobby glanced at her.

"He doesn't notice things like that"

"You're sure? Because you told me that he liked her hair and he's right, it's a gorgeous colour" they reached the door and Bobby reached over his partner's head and pulled it open. She took the opportunity to look at him, there was a slight smile curving her mouth.

"And you like her too" she added on and the look he sent her was sharp, irritated.

"I…"

"Face up to it Goren, you do like her" she half teased. She ducked under his arm and out onto the street. He didn't respond.

"Does she like you?" Again, no answer. They headed towards her SUV and got in. Alex watched him fasten his seatbelt.

"You know, it's okay to like someone, to want to spend time with them. You should try it sometime" he looked at her.

"She's my son's teacher, and for the summer she's his babysitter" as if that said it all. Alex regarded him for a moment.

"Even you are allowed a life sometime Bobby" she reminded him and started up the engine.

Bobby stared out of the window as Alex navigated the heavy morning traffic. This was why he let her drive, he just didn't have the patience to deal with all of this gridlock on a daily basis, and plus he had too much on his mind most of the time and he used the time to ruminate over what was uppermost on his busy mind. This morning it was Kate Jones.

"My mom and dad are throwing their annual Fourth of July barbecue at the weekend. They've told me to tell you that you and Nicky are welcome to join in as always. Bring Kate with you" he almost gave himself whiplash in looking at her.

"It would be okay?" her smile widened. _Gotcha Goren, you do like her._

"Of course it'd be okay. Mom's always hoping you'd bring a date and the kids are great with Nicky and he seems to enjoy himself," Bobby pondered over that. She was right, her nieces and nephews showed an understanding and tolerance about Nicky that belied their years.

"I can ask her," he conceded with a shrug. She stole another glance at him and grinned.

"She'll say yes" she half teased him and he sent her a quick smile in response.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **_Again, many thanks for the great reviews. All are appreciated. The character of Janette Cole is mine. _

_

* * *

_

_**Ten**_

He'd ask her tonight he decided and ignored the fluttering in his stomach. Maybe she would already have Fourth of July plans with her own family? He swallowed. There was no harm in asking all the same. He walked with Alex to the Bullpen and saw the Captain standing by their desks. Bobby frowned at the expression on his face. He looked awkward, uncomfortable and he was looking at him. The only thought that went through Bobby's mind what whatever it was, it wasn't good. A sick feeling began to churn in his stomach. He'd just left Kate and Nicky at his apartment; it couldn't be about them, could it?

"There's someone here to see you Bobby. She says that her name is Janette Cole" Alex looked at him, to see him turn almost ashen pale.

"What does she want?" he demanded in a tightly controlled voice. Alex frowned. _Who the hell was Janette Cole?_

"She wouldn't say, except that she wants to talk to you and she says it's important. She's in the conference room" Bobby turned his head and looked but the blinds were drawn. He just nodded and rubbed at his eyes. The Captain walked away.

"Who is Janette Cole?" Alex asked him. He dropped his hand and looked at her.

"She's Nicky's mother" he watched her eyes widen.

"And she's showing up now? What for?" Bobby made a low, irritated sound in his throat.

"Whatever it is. It can't be good"

He opened the door and watched her turn and look at him. She had been sitting down but when she saw him, she got to her feet. She clutched an expensive black leather purse tightly in her hands and watched him as he came inside and closed the door behind him. For a moment he stood and they looked at each other. Bobby folded his arms, his legs slightly apart and there was no smile of welcome on his face.

"Bobby…" she greeted. She felt the nerves bubble afresh inside of her. She took a deep breath and continued to watch him. He walked across the room to stand by the small window.

"It's been a long time Bobby…" she began. He turned around and looked at her and she knew that he was taking in her clothes, her accessories with that intense gaze of his. There was nothing there of the teasing, flirtatious man she'd met at the bar that Christmas.

"What do you want?" he interrupted rudely and she blinked. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She had to expect this, she had to expect this hostility from him but it still hurt all the same. She watched his eyes slide from her face. He was uncomfortable, like this was that last place where he wanted to be and for all she knew it was.

"Is that all you have to say to me Bobby?" she exclaimed and he looked at her again.

"After eight years of absolutely nothing? Yeah, it pretty much is" he retorted and Janette just stared at him with hurt brown eyes. He tilted his head to one side.

"Have I hurt your feelings Janette? Or did your conscience _finally_ remind you that you have a child…another child?" he saw the rings that she wore, the diamond solitaire that was a couple of carats at least. She'd married and she'd married well.

"I came to talk to you…to ask you if you would consider letting me see him" he stared at her in utter shock.

"See him? Why? He doesn't know who you are" he retaliated. Anger was bubbling under the surface, warring with the shock at seeing her again after thirteen years.

"He's still my son Bobby, I gave birth to him…I…"

"You dumped him into foster care when he was five years old Janette!" he yelled suddenly and watched her flinch. He straightened up.

"I was a different person then…I just couldn't cope with him anymore"

"And that's when you told his caseworker that, oh he has a father?" he snipped. She glared at him with fiery eyes.

"You wouldn't understand…" she defended and Bobby made a show of widening his eyes.

"Oh wouldn't I?" he began to walk slowly towards her "the sleepless nights, the temper tantrums which, by the way, get worse the older he gets, the rigid routines, the inexplicable phobias, the odd behaviours and mannerisms, the sheer _never ending_ worry and stress that autism brings to the table every single day" by now he was right beside her, his left hand weaving and chopping through the air with every point that he made " I think I do understand, don't you?" he lowered his voice and Janette looked at him.

"He's my son," she reminded him, her voice shaking slightly.

"Which you're just remembering now. I won't let you do this to him Janette. Appear in his life; allow him to form some sort of an attachment to you only for you to waltz out of his life again when it suits you? Or when you realise that he just won't respond to you the way you hoped?" he slowly shook his head.

"What if I want custody?" she retaliated and he regarded her for a moment, refusing to acknowledge the cold fear that suddenly lodged in his gut.

"Where is he when you're here? School is out, who is taking care of him right now?" Bobby clenched his fists. He leaned forwards very slightly

"You gave up your right to be his mother the day you dumped him in foster care. You decide to pursue this through court then I will fight you. I'll fight you every single step of the way," he promised in a lethally soft voice, his mouth inches away from her ear.

Alex looked up as the door to the conference room opened and Bobby emerged. If she had to put a name to the expression on his face then she'd have to choose worried. He looked worried. She got to her feet as he paused in the middle of the bullpen. He glanced at her and just shook his head. She paused, watching as he turned and walked out. A couple of minutes later, Janette emerged. She looked a little on the pale side, definitely shook up. She caught Alex's eye and for a moment they just looked at each other before she also walked away. Alex sighed.

* * *

Bobby slammed into the men's room. His heart was tripping in his chest. He made his way to one of the sinks and turned on the faucet and cupped his hands beneath the rushing water. He sluiced his face a couple of times and leaned over the basin and took several deep breaths. He waited for the anger, the _fear_ to subside. By the time he dried his face with a couple of paper towels, he felt marginally calmer.

Alex did a quick circuit of the eleventh floor. He wasn't there. She paused and frowned. Had he just left? Gone back home? She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and stared at it. What if he hadn't? If she called his apartment and just got Kate then she would no doubt freak out.

"Eames?" she jumped out of her skin when she heard his softly spoken voice behind her. She spun around and looked at him. He'd just come out of the men's room. He was as white as a sheet but there was a questioning frown on his face all the same. She sighed with relief.

"There you are!"

"I'm okay" his voice trembled very slightly. Alex reached out a hand and touched his jacket sleeve.

"You don't look it." He looked at her. He didn't feel it either and he swallowed.

"Do you want to talk about it? Is it about Nicky?" He just looked at her and then eventually he nodded.

"After all this time? What does she want?" he shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders.

"She wants to see him"

"I hope you told her to go to hell?" She was rewarded with the briefest of smiles. She knew him better than he thought. Then he shrugged.

"Kind of. Then she told me, what if she went for custody?"

"She must be out of her mind, no sane judge in the country would give that woman custody"

"Circumstances have changed Eames, she's married and seemingly has married well" he sighed and slowly shook his head.

"She was just shooting off at the mouth Bobby, she wouldn't dare try take Nicky away from you" she tried to reassure him, patting his upper arm. He looked at her and tried to believe her but empty threat or not, it had unsettled him.

* * *

Kate did a last minute check through the backpack before swinging it onto one shoulder. Nicky flitted about the living room in some kind of avant-garde type dance, the music only known to him. She had suggested a trip to the park nearby and he had seemed agreeable to the idea. She looked at him.

"Ready to go Nicky?" he turned his head and glanced at her.

"Ready to go Kate" he replied. Kate held out a hand.

"Let's go" and he came over and took her hand as they left the apartment.

Nicky paused on the sidewalk and looked around.

"Go in car" he announced. It was a beautifully warm sunny morning, perfect for walking. Kate looked at him.

"The park is right this way, we don't need to take the car today Nicky" she explained to him. His brown eyes turned dark and mutinous.

"Car. Want car!" he announced, no _demanded_, in a loud voice and Kate sighed inwardly.

"Come on Nicky, let's just walk to the park, see what we can see and we can tell your dad all about it when he gets back from work tonight" he glanced at her again and seemed to be thinking about it.

"No car today" Kate shook her head.

"Not today Nicky, it's lovely and sunny, it's too hot to go in the car. Want to walk with me?" To her relief, Nicky nodded his usual boisterous nod.

"Okay!" he replied happily and Kate sighed quietly with relief. Hopefully that was one tantrum averted.

She tried to ignore the curious looks that they both received in the park. She remembered when Michael got the same looks, was a victim of the same speculation. She tried to ignore the irritation that flared up when she saw the expressions on their faces. There was interest, curiosity and then there was ignorance, the way they would stare at him like he was a circus act and worst of all there was pity. Kate remembered the looks of pity Michael had received and she had guessed that they all thanked God that their kids weren't like him. Again she wondered how Bobby did it. Then she looked at Nicky and saw how unaffected, how innocent he looked and that was it. The corruptions of life would pass him by, society's evil and lies would hopefully leave him untainted. She sighed raggedly and stood by the climbing frame as he quickly, easily worked through it, oblivious to the children playing around him but at the same time, scrupulously careful not to get in their way. As Kate watched him, she realised that he knew exactly where each child was and was careful to avoid them. A lot of autistic kids just barged their way through life, through everything, their only goal being self-gratification. It was interesting to see Nicky take the other kids into consideration like this. She made a mental note to mention it to Bobby and she was curious to know whether this was an inbuilt skill or a taught skill.

* * *

His phone hadn't rang all day. For the most part he was glad because it meant that his son was happy and settled with his sitter, a part of him had hoped that Kate would call. He could've done with hearing her voice, listening to her calm his fears and doubts. He'd pushed Janette's threat to the back of his mind as he'd worked but now and again it had forced its way brutally through to the forefront to disrupt and worry him anew. Maybe Alex was right, that it was just an empty threat issued in a moment of temper, God knows he hadn't been his most welcoming or rational upon seeing her again. The shock of her reappearance had made him defensive and angry. He'd been angry at her supposition that he would just let her see Nicky again, just like that. But if she did bring legal proceedings then things could and would get ugly very quickly. Janette had a husband now, could probably provide him with everything that he could wish for, could probably pay for his school place several times over without breaking a sweat. Kate had told him he was strong, Alex had told him over and over again that he was a dad to be proud of. Right now he didn't believe either of them.

Nicky was in his pyjamas by the time he got home. Kate was in the process of tidying up the kitchen, looking to all as if she belonged there, here with them. She took a look at him and her eyes softened sympathetically.

"You look worn out. Tough day?" her voice was soft and Bobby sighed quietly, raggedly. She had no idea.

"Yeah. Where's Nicky?" he turned his head and before she could respond, headed towards his bedroom.

Nicky was sprawled on his bed, all arms and legs and watching snatches of the DVD playing. Bobby went over to him and sat down on the bed beside him, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt at the same time.

"Hey Nicky. Good day?" he glanced at his son who had barely acknowledged his presence.

"Good day Dad." He replied and nodded too. Bobby reached across and quickly ruffled a hand through his curls.

"Glad to hear it" he sighed out.

Kate peered into Nicky's bedroom as ten minutes went by without a sign of Bobby. She found both of them seated on Nicky's bed, watching the DVD with identical frowns on their faces. Only Bobby looked up.

"Coffee?" she offered, holding up the cup she'd been carrying and she watched Bobby slip off the bed and come towards her. He took the cup from her with murmured thanks.

"Nicky is due for bed now" she quietly reminded him and watched him look at his watch and then nod.

Kate turned and saw Bobby standing just in the kitchen and he was watching her.

"I thought you'd be gone by now" he murmured. Kate frowned as she dried her hands on a dishtowel.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked him in a soft voice. He frowned deeply, it was something that she was beginning to recognise when he was conducting some kind of internal battle with himself. Eventually he just shook his head.

"I just thought that you'd be eager to go, it's been a long day for you" It had been but it had been interesting too.

"It's no big deal Bobby, if you want to talk…then I can listen," she offered. He sighed.

"I'm okay," he watched her shrug.

"Alright. Do you want me to make you something?"

"I hired you to take care of Nicky, not me," he reminded her gently. She walked towards him.

"It was only a suggestion. If you're sure…" he stood to one side and nodded. She glanced at him as she walked past. After a brief second, he followed and saw her sitting on the sofa with her shoes in her hands. He watched her slip them on and slowly get to her feet again.

"A…actually I was wondering if I could ask you something" he began. She paused and looked at him

"You can ask me anything"

"Alex Eames's family are holding a Fourth of July barbecue this weekend and…and Nicky and I usually attend. I was wondering whether…you'd like to come too? With Nicky and myself?" she paused.

"You're probably spending the weekend with your family anyway…" he began to turn but she reached out and grabbed his arm and he looked at it and then her.

"My parents will be visiting Michael. I'd love to come with you both" she told him and then she smiled. He seemed to be honestly surprised by her acceptance. She slid her hand down over his.

"It sounds like it could be fun"


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews...characters of Peter Whittingham et al not familiar with CI canon, are mine.

* * *

_ _Chapter 11_

Fun. Bobby swallowed and looked at her. He'd forgotten the meaning of the word.

"You don't have to feel…obligated…"

"Because I'm Nicky's sitter? I'm not. I accepted because it could be fun. Does Nicky enjoy going?"

"Until the fireworks start and that's when we leave," he told her.

"Because they're loud" he just nodded.

"He also likes being around my partner's nieces and nephews, he likes to watch them play though he won't…or can't join in"

"He's an observer?"

"Of a kind" he confirmed. The just looked at each other and Kate sighed quietly.

"I had better get going then if you want me here bright and early tomorrow morning" she told him and saw him blink and take a step away.

"Oh…of course. Thank you for today" she pulled her purse strap further up her shoulder and ducked her head almost shyly.

"See you tomorrow Bobby" she murmured.

"She said yes?" Alex asked.

"She said yes," Bobby confirmed as they walked towards the Bullpen. Alex smiled.

"You see? I knew she would. I'm glad she did" she commented and together they walked towards their desks, Alex shrugging off her jacket, preparing for the day ahead. Bobby looked up as the Captain's door opened.

"Goren. A minute please?" he called. Bobby looked at Alex; eyebrows raised slightly, his eyes filled with speculation.

"Uh-oh, who did you piss off this time?" Alex commented and Bobby slowly shrugged.

"No one that I know of," he murmured and headed towards the Captain's office as requested.

He stilled in the doorway, a strong feeling of déjà vu sweeping over him.

Janette sat in front of Deakins' desk and with her sat another man, who, judging by the way he held her hand, had to be her wealthy husband and looking at the cut of his suit, confirmed without a doubt that she had married well. Standing behind them was yet another man, a briefcase in his hand and he seemed to regard Bobby with a degree of nervousness. Bobby himself swallowed. This wasn't good and for a moment he didn't, couldn't move. Instead he cleared his throat.

"Uh…do I need to get myself a lawyer?" he asked no one in particular. No one replied and he took a few steps further into the office and closed the door behind himself.

"Mrs Whittingham wants visitation rights with her son" the lawyer began and Bobby looked at him. Whittingham, even the name sounded oh so grand.

"All of a sudden? She's had nothing to do with him for eight years. Not a phone call, not a letter, nothing and she wants to see him?" Bobby's voice began to rise.

"I couldn't cope with him then Bobby. His behaviour was so challenging, just so hard all the time," Janette told him and he turned his head her way.

"Oh and what makes you think that his behaviour is less challenging now Janette? Because he's older? Newsflash for you honey, he's _still_ hard work and his behaviour is _still_ challenging" he retaliated, every emotion going onto red alert.

"I'm older, I could cope now" she watched him slowly shake his head.

"No, no no, I'm not allowing this to happen. I've taken care of him since he was five years old. From the day the judge gave _me_ complete and final custody. You are _not_ going to waltz in here and take him away from me just like that" he defended, feeling his temper begin to boil.

"We're in a better position…" Janette's husband began to say and was silenced by a simple, purely lethal look from the tall detective.

"Financially? How about emotionally? You…you have other children, right?" he watched him nod, his expression wary.

"How are they going to cope? To have this older brother foisted on them who they don't know and who is…mentally disabled? Would they so willingly accept him into their lives? Nicky has a life, a routine, _with me_. He's happy, he's settled and all of this will upset him. It could set back his progress months, maybe even _years" _

"They would cope. They know about him and they want to meet him," Janette told him and Bobby regarded her.

"Knowing and adapting are entirely different things" Bobby sighed. He turned away, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, a sign Deakins recognised all too well. He looked at the Whittinghams and their lawyer.

"You can't spring this on Detective Goren and make demands like these and expect him to immediately agree" he told them.

"I'm within my rights to see my son!" Janette interrupted defensively and turned her head sharply as Bobby made a sound of distress in his throat. Then he scrubbed at his face with both hands before turning around.

"Janette, you have no rights, your lawyer should've told you that. The day you gave him up, you lost your rights," he told her. He saw how his words hurt her, saw the pain right in her eyes and he sighed.

"Maybe I can't deny you the right to _see_ him…" he looked down and stared at his feet for a long few seconds before lifting his head again.

"Give me some time okay? If you're so intent on seeing Nicky then I need some time. I need to…prepare him" he paused and blinked, staring off into space for a second before refocusing and looking at the couple.

"Can you at least give me that?" he asked, his shoulders slumping. They looked at each other for a moment before Bobby took one of his cards out of his jacket pocket and went to his Captain's desk. He turned the card over and scribbled a number down. He went to Janette.

"This is my home number. Do…do you have a number where I can contact you at?"

"Here" her husband handed him a similar card and took his. Bobby stared bleakly at the name and address. Peter Whittingham, a banker and in a nice part of the city too, of course it would be. He sighed raggedly and accepted their lawyer's card also.

"I'll be in touch," he promised. He stood to one side as the trio took their leave. Deakins watched as Bobby sat heavily in one of the newly vacated seats and leaned forwards, resting his head in his hands. A horrible silence followed. He could only stand there and watch him. There was a tap on his door and it opened to admit Bobby's partner.

"What's going on? What did they want?" she looked at her partner and frowned at his slumped figure "Bobby?" she went towards him and looked enquiringly at the Captain.

"Janette is serious about wanting to see Nicky" Bobby mumbled and then lifted his head. He looked at the Captain and then at Alex

"I'm going to lose my son," he told them simply.

"You don't know that," Alex replied. He looked at her.

"Don't I?" he shoved the business card into her hand. "Look at that address! The lawyer they dragged along belongs to one of the best law firms in the city. They could give Nicky everything he wants, everything he could need. I can't compete with that!" Alex looked at the card.

"So what? You're his dad. No one can compete with that. You've taken care of him, you've weathered everything and never wavered and you love him and that is something no one can compete with either. You should never forget that and I still believe no judge worth their salt would give them custody just because they have more money" Alex retorted. Bobby looked at her.

"I wish I had your optimism" Alex herself sighed.

"I could shake you sometimes, I really could. If it does come down to a custody case then you're going to get yourself a damned good lawyer, God knows you know a few and _if_ the times comes and you _have_ to go to court, you're going to have a list of people as long as your arm willing to testify on your behalf on your skills as a father, a _devoted_ father" she reminded him. She looked up as Deakins walked around his desk. Bobby lifted his head, suddenly feeling very humbled by his partner's words, and looked at him.

"Take a few days Bobby. Get this all sorted out" he watched as he looked at his partner and then back at his boss.

"I need you back here with your full concentration and that's not going to happen with this hanging over your head" he went on and Bobby slowly nodded. He got to his feet.

"I'm sorry to bring this all down like this" he apologised

"We're aware of the situation, there's no need to apologise" Deakins told him. Bobby looked at Alex.

"Come on, I'll drive you back" she told him and he just nodded.

Kate lifted her head when she heard the sound of a key in the lock. Nicky heard it too and instantly got to his feet and headed for the door.

"Dad home" he announced and Kate closed the book that they'd been sharing and got to her feet also to see Bobby come inside. With him was his partner.

"Are you okay?" she saw how pale he was and her eyes widened in alarm.

"What's wrong? Are you sick?" she watched Bobby slowly shake his head. She then watched him exchange a look with his partner and she didn't like the expression on his face. He took her arm.

"Let's talk through here," he told her in a quiet voice.

He ushered her into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. He then led her to the table and urged her down onto a seat, taking the one beside her.

"What's going on? What's happened?" she demanded. For a moment he looked at her.

"Janette has been to see me" he began and watched as her eyes widened.

"Janette as in Nicky's _mother?_ Now? What does she want?" She watched as Bobby sighed raggedly and leaned forwards so that his elbows rested on his knees and she watched him pull his fingers through his hair.

"She wants to see Nicky again," he told her. He watched her as she digested this piece of information.

"And how do you feel about that?" she asked him. He straightened up in his seat and looked at her.

"If it were down to me then she would never see him, but it's not, and she's his mom and I can't say no to that" he looked at her "if I did say no then she'd drag it through the courts and I could lose him. She might still want custody" Kate moved forwards and took one of his hands.

"That won't happen Bobby. You've had Nicky for almost eight years and its obvious he's happy" he looked at her with bleak eyes.

"She's his mother Kate, a judge won't ignore that," he all but whispered. She regarded him.

"Courts don't always side with the mother Bobby. You have Nicky's best interests at heart and always have done" she reached out and touched his face "don't ever lose sight of that" Bobby sighed shakily and she lowered her hand into her lap. Her eyes flew to his as he captured it and held onto it.

"You and my partner are on the same wave length. She pretty much said the same thing" he watched as Kate smiled.

"Because we both know what kind of a dad you are Bobby. And I'll be here to help and support you any way you want"

"I appreciate it" he replied. Kate looked at him

"What are you going to do now?" she asked and he looked at her.

"Try and prepare Nicky that his mother wants to see him and hope it all goes well"

"That's all you can hope for Bobby," she told him. He looked at her, really looked at her for a long moment.

"Kate…I…about what you said…about leaving the ball in my…court?" she watched him struggle and stutter and she gently squeezed his hand which stopped him in his tracks.

"Bobby?" he tilted his head to one side.

"I know you've been waiting…for me to make my mind up…" he looked down at their joined hands before looking back at her.

"I want there to be…more…it's just that…well, it's been a long time,"

"I know, you already told me that, remember?" she reminded him and the brief smile he sent her was embarrassed and endearing at the same time.

"There's other stuff going on in my life…apart from Nicky…my…my mom, the job…" he sighed again and shook his head.

"I can't…offer you anything…like taking you out on a date, even though I would love to, because of Nicky…"

"Bobby…it doesn't matter," the expression on his face became almost fierce then.

"But it will. One day, some day it will matter to you that I never did any of those things, and you'll blame me" Kate took a deep breath and touched his face again, laying the palm of her hand against his cheek.

"Don't try to second guess me Bobby. No one, not even you knows what the future holds" she leaned forwards and pressed a gentle kiss on his mouth. She drew back

"Let's get through the next few days first and worry about the rest as and when we need to, okay?" she told him and he looked at her and slowly nodded.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **_Many thanks again for the reviews. Part of this chapter is in flashback and i've taken some 'artistic' liberty regarding Bobby there. The character of Wendy Foster is mine. Again, being a Brit, i do not to know how the Child Welfare Services works exactly so again, i've taken a liberty or two for plot purposes. All errors are mine._

_

* * *

_

_**Twelve**_

Bobby watched Kate interact with Nicky. He watched how Nicky responded to her. His gaze was holding hers for longer and the smiles were becoming more frequent. Alex had left them a few hours ago with a promise that she would call him and that she would _definitely_ see him at the weekend for the barbecue, there was no way he was getting out of that. Bobby wondered how he was going to bring up the subject of his mother with him, he'd never asked about her, the subject had never come up.

"_I'm looking for Detective Robert Goren?" Bobby looked up from his report writing at the no nonsense tone._

"_That would be me" he responded, lifting a finger. His brain was still filled with the events of the bust that still needed to be compiled for the police report. A woman stood by his desk, late forties, tired blue eyes and short brown hair that looked as though it hadn't seen the business end of a hairbrush in the last twelve hours._

"_Wendy Foster, Child Welfare Services. Is there somewhere we could talk…in private?" Bobby regarded her, seeing her weary expression, and the pile of manila folders that she carried under one arm as well as the worn briefcase that she also toted. Bobby looked around, saw that fellow detectives occupied all the desks. He then rose to his feet._

"_One of the interrogation rooms might be free. That doesn't bother you does it?" The woman fixed him with a steely look that made him slightly uncomfortable._

"_As long as it's private," she reminded him. _

"_Uh. Okay. Follow me" he requested._

_Their luck was in as Bobby found an empty interrogation room. He stood to one side to allow her in before following and closing the door behind him. She glanced at him as she took one of the seats, placing her folders on the table_

"_How long have you been in Narcotics detective?" she enquired, watching as he came around to take the seat opposite her._

"_Six years," he replied, lowering his long limbed frame into the seat. His dark brown eyes regarded her curiously._

"_Okay. We're somewhere private, what's this all about?" he enquired. Wendy examined him. He had obviously just come off assignment judging by the faded blue jeans that he wore, coupled with a navy blue t-shirt and blue plaid shirt. Robert Goren was a narcotics detective with an exemplary arrest record, one of the best, his Captain had told her earlier on the phone. She wondered how he was going to deal with what she was about to tell him. _

"_Almost six years ago, you were acquainted with a woman by the name of Janette Cole, someone you met in a bar over the Christmas holiday" It wasn't a question, it was a statement and Bobby straightened slightly in his seat, watching as she opened one of those manila folders and briefly checking through the paperwork._

"_I remember," he confirmed. He watched as she pushed the folder towards him. He twisted it around and looked at the paperwork, glanced at the photograph clipped to the front of it. _

"_Miss Cole became pregnant and gave birth to a son, Nicholas" she waited and watched him look at the photograph again. He then looked at her, his eyes widening._

"_She's saying he's mine?" Wendy Foster nodded. _

"_Though you're not listed as such on the birth certificate, she told me your name and that you were a cop. You took some finding"_

"_I've been….kinda…busy" he replied, his tone distracted as he stared at the photo enclosed. It had obviously been hastily taken, judging by the way the little boy looked at the camera, the dark frown on his face. _

"_So your Captain informed me," _

"_The boy…Nicholas? How long has he been in foster care?" _

"_A couple of months, like I said, you were hard to find" she responded. He glanced at her again._

_"You're his caseworker?" She just nodded._

"_Why did she give him up?" he returned his attention to the photograph_

"_She had problems coping with his behaviour. Detective, Nicholas is autistic" She watched his head snap back up, his eyes becoming wide with shock._

"_Where is he?"

* * *

_

_Nicholas had been placed in a group home. His behaviour had been deemed as being too challenging to be placed with foster parents. Bobby followed the caseworker into the building and tried not to let his horror at it show. A five-year-old child should not be in a place like this. He clenched his fists at the thought. There were kids of all ages, shapes and sizes here and he looked at them, saw the anger in their eyes, the hopelessness of their situations, the rejection. He swallowed._

_The little boy sat in a cot, unaware or just not interested in his surroundings. He looked well cared for, his clothes were clean and neat, and he seemed physically healthy. In his hand was a bright red plastic juice bottle. Bobby crouched down by the crib and looked through the metal bars. _

"_Nicholas?" he kept his voice low as he scanned his face. The little boy didn't react, just stared at the bottle that he held in his pudgy little hands. Bobby regarded him for a few moments longer._

"_Hey, Nicky" he tried again and smiled as the little boy then raised his head and glanced at him with dull dark brown eyes. Bobby saw it then, the curve of his eyebrows, the set of his chin and his mouth. This kid was a Goren all right. A tiny tremor ricocheted through him at the thought that this was his son, his flesh and blood. Just like that, his mind was made up. He slowly straightened up and looked at Wendy Foster._

"_What do I have to do to get him out of here?" He watched the woman's eyes widen marginally._

"_You want custody of him?" she sounded surprised. Slowly Bobby nodded._

"_I do" the woman looked at the child in the crib and sighed._

"_His behaviour can be extremely challenging detective. He's not like any normal kid, are you really prepared to take him on?" Bobby regarded her steadily._

"_He's my son," he told her, as if that explained everything._

"_But your line of work…the pressure…" she stammered. Bobby sighed._

"_I can make some life changes, I'll request a transfer to another department, and I'm used to pressure. I can do this" she saw the determination on his face. _

"_You need to submit to a DNA test, just to be absolutely sure…"_

"_Set it up, I'll be there" he looked back at Nicky who had discarded the bottle. He crouched back down again to his level and watched him some more. _

The next day he had put in his transfer request. Bobby smiled to himself at the memory.

He remembered that once he'd done that he'd visited the library and checked out every single book on autism and autism spectrum disorder that he could carry. He'd then took them back to his apartment and read each of them from cover to cover. Wendy Foster had been right; it had been daunting. It had also been terrifying and heartbreaking but his son needed him and he was determined to cope. That had been eight years ago. He blinked and saw Kate come towards him and sit down beside him. He looked at her and raised a hand to brush several strands of her hair out of her eyes and over one shoulder. He leaned towards her and kissed her, watching her carefully as he drew back. She smiled softly at him and leaned forwards and kissed him, her hand coming up to touch his cheek, her fingertips sliding down to touch his jaw.

"_The DNA test came back…" Bobby regarded his doctor. Even though inwardly he knew Nicky was his, there was still a slim possibility that Janette had been playing him, that the boy wasn't his after all. It didn't matter what the test said, whether or not Nicky was his biologically, he was taking him on. Instant fatherhood with no time to prepare and a mountain range of problems and obstacles to overcome. It scared him shitless._

"_And?" the man tossed the sheet of paper across his desk at him. Bobby picked it up and looked at it. Then he smiled._

"_He's mine," he confirmed with quiet pride. He looked up as the doctor laughed._

"_Like you had any doubts," he replied dryly. Bobby's answering smile was on the shy side._

_He was awarded custody, full and complete custody and he walked out of that courtroom the bona fide biological father of a five-year-old boy. Nicky had been present in court on that memorable day, sitting on a chair beside Wendy Foster, still clutching his bright red juice bottle.

* * *

_

Bobby sat on the park bench and watched Kate with Nicky. He was sitting in the sand pit shovelling sand into a bucket Kate had brought along. Once it was full, he turned it upside down and poured it all out again, all over his socks and his sneakers. Bobby knew he'd find sand in the apartment for months to come but he'd happily put up with it after seeing the way his son grinned in delight at how the sand slipped out of the bright red bucket. Kate had been savvy, both the bucket and the little plastic spade were bright red in colour. She sat beside him, shoulder to shoulder with her own plastic spade and helped him to dig. Right now he wanted nothing more than to go and join them and laugh and get covered in sand.

"Hi Bobby," he lifted his head at the husky voice and squinted against the bright sunshine.

"Janette. Thanks for coming. Want to take a seat?" he kept his voice quiet and neutral.

"I wasn't expecting you to call so soon" she replied. He watched her as she moved across him and sat down beside him. Bobby just shrugged.

"Well I did. I thought we could talk…somewhere neutral," he answered. She looked at him. He was staring straight ahead and she realised that he was watching someone. She followed his gaze and she saw the tall child sitting in the sandpit with thick almost black curls, long legs and arms. Her eyes widened when she realised who he could only be.

"That's Nicky?" she looked enquiringly at him and he turned his head and looked at her.

"That's Nicky" he confirmed and watched her look back at her son. He swallowed, still looking at her. She was still as beautiful as he remembered.

"He looks just like you," she murmured.

"Who's that with him?" A small smile crossed his face.

"That's Kate. She's a classroom assistant at his school, she's also taking care of him this summer while I'm at work" he explained.

"He seems to be comfortable with her" both of them watched as Nicky delved his hands into the sand and watched it pour through his fingers, a huge smile developing on his face.

"He is. Usually Nicky takes his time to get to know someone but he likes Kate, seems to trust her" Bobby kept his hands clenched in his lap.

"Could I go over? Say hello?" she asked. He shook his head.

"I still haven't told him about you. I have to choose my moment."

"Then why call me in the first place?" This time Bobby looked at her.

"You came into our life making these demands Janette. I could've refused you any kind of access but I haven't. You can see him from here and don't you dare threaten me with applying for custody, Nicky has been with me for eight years and that's not going to change, not if I have anything to do with it" he retorted. He saw the flare of anger in her eyes but she didn't argue with him though he was prepared for her to try.

"I just wanted you to watch him and see what he's like before you make any arrangements …I wanted you to see how happy he is, how…settled he is" And here in the park, Nicky was oblivious to her scrutiny. And it was neutral territory. Janette sighed and remained seated.

"He still likes sand" she commented and Bobby stared at her in surprise.

"Still?"

"When he was smaller…he made a beeline for the sandbox…but he liked to have it to himself, he didn't like to share" she replied. Bobby pondered over that, it was the first piece of information that she had volunteered about him of his life before coming into his. Bobby looked back at his son. He sat near the corner with Kate but there were a couple of other kids in there with him, playing and for the most part he ignored them. But they were there.

"What else?" he asked curiously and Janette blinked.

"What do you want to know?" Bobby sighed.

"Why does he like the colour red, and do you know he hates anything yellow?"

"I have no idea why he likes red, I guess the energy of the colour stimulated him"

"He had a red juice bottle the day that I first saw him, did you give it to him?" he asked her and he watched her turn pale. Then she nodded.

"He had that bottle for five years, it went just about everywhere with him til he lost it one day" He still remembered how loudly he had screamed and yelled whilst Bobby had conducted a frantic but fruitless search for it.

"He chose another one but he doesn't have the same attachment to it" he answered.

* * *

Kate lifted her head and looked to where Bobby was sitting. All morning he had been preoccupied and lost in thought. She wondered what was going through his mind but she thought that if he wanted her to know then he would tell her. A tremor of shock went through her when she saw him apparently deep in conversation with a woman with shoulder-length dark curly hair. She wondered for a moment who she could be. Then she looked at Nicky and realised. This was his mother. She stared speculatively at them both for a moment. She was a stunningly beautiful woman and she felt the jealousy crawl deep inside of her. Then she heard Nicky start to laugh and she looked down to see both of her feet buried in sand.

Bobby looked up when he heard Nicky laugh. He saw his son looking at Kate's feet and he was grinning, mischief evident on his face. Kate was making a show of shaking sand off her feet and that made Nicky laugh even louder. He smiled, it wasn't often he heard him laugh like that. He got to his feet and went over to them. Kate got to her feet, still shaking sand from her shoes and Nicky still giggled.

"Hey, what's so funny?" Nicky flicked a glance at his father's face.

"Kate shoes… sandy" he answered and looked at Kate's feet and started to giggle again.

"Did you dump sand on Kate's shoes Nicky?" Bobby asked, laughter in his voice. Nicky just laughed again. He turned his head and saw Janette standing beside him. She was watching Nicky so intently. He swallowed and then looked at his son.

"Hey Nicky, there's someone I want you to meet" he put an arm across Nicky's shoulders and drew him closer to where he stood and then dropped it before he got uncomfortable.

"Nicky. This is Janette" he introduced. He watched Janette take a step closer to him and smile.

"Hello Nicky…" her husky voice became tinged with emotion. Kate watched the little scene unfold, her arms tightly folded, all of a sudden feeling very much like an intruder.

Bobby watched Nicky's head lift at Janette's greeting and he looked at her, his head tilted slightly to one side. His eyes seemed to glint for a moment before he looked away and mumbled a hello back. A thought occurred to Bobby at the same time _he remembers her voice._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**_ Many thanks for the continuing reviews and words of encouragement. Regarding the custody thing, I'm not a legal expert, i'm also British, so i have no idea of how the system works, the idea i'm dealing with is the possibility of Bobby losing his son even though he has legal and physical custody. I'm not a lawyer, and if it's legal accuracy that you're looking for, you're going to be disappointed, i won't be delving into that issue, i'm dealing with Bobby's fears and emotions as well as the bond with his son and his feelings for Kate. Any errors are mine. Thank you again, all thoughts are appreciated as well as mulled over ;)

* * *

__**Thirteen**_

She was drying her feet when Bobby came into the bathroom.

"Get all the sand out?" he enquired and she nodded

"Finally. How about Nicky?" she glanced up as he sat on the side of the tub beside her.

"Eventually, though I'll be finding it in his room for the next month at least" he answered and saw her smile faintly in response.

"He loves the stuff" she told him and straightened up. She looked at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Janette today" he suddenly apologised. She frowned at him.

"Why would you be sorry about that?" she asked him and he sighed raggedly.

"Because I wasn't sure whether she'd show up. I haven't been entirely sure whether her motives for seeing Nicky were genuine or not"

"And now?" He shrugged wide shoulders.

"They seem to be. She seemed…genuinely interested in him. She told me a lot about his years before he came to me. Like how he's always loved to play in the sand, though when he was younger, he didn't like to share the sandbox"

"Well he was happy to today" Bobby just nodded.

"I remember the first night I brought him home. I'd emptied out the spare bedroom and made sure it would be how he would like it. His favourite colours, some picture books, a couple of soft toys and that first night…I swear to God he screamed every time I got close to him. You can imagine what he was like when it was time to go to bed. It took him a month before he would sleep in the bed. We spent a _lot _of nights stretched out on the floor, side by side. I listened to him cry and moan and I didn't have a clue how to get through to him. He'd been so…apathetic for such a long time and then he snapped out of it and instead of silence or this crying and moaning he would fight. He bit me, kicked me, spat at me…you name it and he did it" he looked into her eyes.

"But you didn't give up on him" Bobby shook his head.

"I knew I just had to get through to him somehow"

"And how did you know that you had?" Bobby sucked in a deep breath and straightened his spine.

"When I woke up one morning on his bedroom floor after another night of listening to him cry and moan to find him still asleep, pressed up against my side, his arm across my chest. It was that night he slept in his bed" Kate stared at him with suspiciously shiny eyes.

"Wow" she breathed.

"Yeah, that's what went through my mind. I think I lay there for half an hour not daring to move because he was sleeping, he was peaceful and more to the point he made that choice somehow. Even now, if his routine is badly upset somehow, once in a while, I'll wake through the night and feel him huddled up against me, my back mostly." Kate blinked. She wouldn't cry, she absolutely would not cry. She looked at him and felt the backs of her eyes prickle traitorously. Instead she leaned towards him and impulsively kissed him. He blinked in momentary surprise. Then he frowned slightly

"What was that for?" she smiled, her eyes still bright.

"You are an amazing man Bobby Goren," she told him instead.

* * *

Kate let herself and knocked on the door at the same time. As she slipped inside and closed it, Bobby appeared. He looked harassed, tired even. Kate frowned in concern.

"What's wrong? Is Nicky sick?" she followed him into the living room and dropped her purse on the sofa. Bobby shook his head.

"Let's just say he's having an off day" he replied and she could hear the impatience colouring his voice.

"Off day? How long has this off day lasted so far?"

"Since about two this morning to be honest. He woke up in a bad mood and hasn't come out of it"

"Do you know why he's like this?" he glanced at her.

"It's since he saw his mother," he admitted.

"He's feeling unsettled?" Bobby shrugged.

"Can I see him? Maybe he'll respond to a different face?" he paused and regarded her.

"He could just as well scream at you too" Kate shrugged.

Nicky was sitting on his bedroom floor and he was rocking backwards and forwards, pulling at his hair and moaning quietly. Kate turned her head and looked at Bobby before returning her attention to his son. Something had definitely unsettled him. Kate went further into the bedroom and sat on the floor beside him and watched him rock.

"Hi Nicky" she began and waited. He continued to rock but the moaning stopped. Kate drew her knees up so that she could rest her chin on them.

"Your dad told me you're unhappy. Can you tell me why?" Nicky didn't respond, she hadn't expected him to. She scanned the room, his pillow and bedding were on the floor by his bed, where they looked to have been thrown or kicked off. Books were scattered all over the floor, as were some of his DVD's and videos. He'd definitely been on a rampage of sorts all right. She looked up at Bobby who still stood in the doorway watching them both.

"Do you want to help me pick your books up? We could read one together afterwards if you'd like?" Again, no response. Kate took a deep breath.

"How about I make us some breakfast huh? Because we're going somewhere special this afternoon, did your dad tell you where?" She waited as the rocking stopped and slowly Nicky lifted his head, at the same time pulling his fingers from his hair.

"We're going to the barbecue this afternoon for Fourth of July"

"No fireworks" he replied almost immediately.

"I know that. No fireworks. But you like to visit Eames don't you?" she guessed and lifted her head when Bobby came into the room. He sat down beside them, seated so he sat opposite his son.

"Eames is really looking forward to seeing you today" he told him

"No fireworks. No Janette" the adults exchanged a look. Bobby then looked back at Nicky who stared straight ahead, his fingers beginning their complicated twirling and flicking actions again.

"Didn't you like Janette?" he asked softly.

"Nicky not like Janette. No Janette thank you" Bobby exhaled quietly and wiped at his face with one hand.

"Okay Nicky. No Janette. Want some breakfast?" Nicky's gaze shifted so that he made brief eye contact with his father. It held for a scant few precious seconds. Then he nodded.

"Yes please" and he got to his feet. Bobby followed suit, as did Kate.

"Sorry daddy" Nicky all of a sudden apologised. Kate watched as Bobby reached out and laid a hand on his son's arm, rubbing it in a gently soothing motion that Nicky didn't retract from.

"I'm sorry too son" he replied.

Kate straightened Nicky's room quickly and followed them into the kitchen. They both looked exhausted.

* * *

Bobby watched her make coffee and pour into two mugs. Nicky in the meantime had set out his mug and beaker and was in the process of setting out his cereal and getting the milk out of the refrigerator. Kate watched him carefully pour some cereal into a bowl and then with equal care, add some milk. Then he sat down and began to eat. Kate placed the coffee mug down in front of Bobby. She sat down beside him and looked at him. There was no way he was going to make the barbecue today looking the way he did.

"Does Nicky take naps?" Bobby tore his eyes away from his son and looked at her.

"Only when he's sick. When he's awake, he's on, full blast" he replied and Kate sighed quietly

"Don't we all wish we had that ability?" she quipped and Bobby shrugged broad shoulders.

"Well if Nicky doesn't sleep through the day, it doesn't mean that you can't. Why don't you grab a couple hours sleep?" she suggested and he looked at her in surprise.

"I can't…"

"What? Leave me alone with Nicky? What's changed? Maybe I can persuade him to have some quiet time before leaving for the barbecue but you need to grab a couple of hours, you've been up all night" she told him. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face again.

"I'm too tired to argue with you," he told her.

"Then don't argue. Go to bed. I'll wake you in a couple of hours. I may even achieve the impossible and get Nicky to sleep too" Bobby's eye roll was his response to that

"Good luck" he muttered. Kate smiled to herself and watched him get to his feet. He walked to the kitchen door and then paused. He turned and looked at her.

"Maybe it would be a better idea just to cancel today," he suggested.

"No, we're not going to cancel. Go get some sleep" she made a shoo-ing motion with her hands and watched him sigh loudly, almost theatrically and turn and leave.

Bobby moved around his bed slowly and laboriously. He was so tired he literally couldn't think straight. Nicky had been his usual self at bedtime and then at two this morning Bobby had been woken up by thumping and bumping noises coming from his son's room. He'd gone into Nicky's room and saw the books and DVD's scattered on the floor and that had been the start of it. Nicky had been in a foul mood and Bobby just hadn't been able to get to the bottom of it. The one head he could not get inside was his own son's. He sat down heavily on the side of his bed and sighed deeply. It had been the reappearance of Janette that had been the root of this last round of behaviour from Nicky. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He had hoped that eventually he would accept his mother's presence in his life again, like he accepted Kate's presence. How was Janette going to react when he told her that he didn't want to see her? More than likely she would accuse him of influencing Nicky against her, yeah, like that could really happen. Nicky Goren marched to the beat of his own drummer, always had done, and probably always would do.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **_I haven't forgotten about this fic completely, i just hit a very dry spot with it, so apologies for the long gap between updates. Again, any and all errors are strictly my own._

_

* * *

_

_**Fourteen**_

" Tell me who's going to be there again?" Kate asked. She was nervous, incredibly nervous and she thanked everything for Bobby's patience in answering the question yet again.

"Alex and her family. Her parents obviously, she has an older and a younger brother as well as two younger sisters. All married, all with kids" Bobby explained and hoped she didn't ask for names because then, well then he'd be screwed. She saw him glance over his shoulder.

"Nicky okay?" Bobby looked back at her and nodded.

"Still asleep. I can't believe he fell asleep in the middle of the day"

"Because he was up at two this morning and wouldn't take a nap" Kate replied calmly. She stole a quick look at Bobby

"What about you? How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Better. You were right about catching up," he conceded. Kate smiled to herself and concentrated on the road ahead.

The house was pandemonium. Alex navigated around various siblings and nieces and nephews as she helped get the barbecue ready. She had been really tempted to call Bobby this morning to make absolute sure that he would show up. He'd been shaken up the last time she'd seen him, shaken by Janette's demands. And when he got like that, he and his son would turn into bigger hermits than they already were.

"Alex, Bobby and Nicky are here!" she heard her father announce. She sighed with relief and smiled when she saw them both make their way through the crowds of people. Nicky's eyes were alight with interest as he took in the bedlam around him. Behind him was Bobby and he looked…tired. She went towards them.

"You made it" she greeted.

"Hi Eames" Nicky greeted and leaned in for his quick hug which she reciprocated. It was then that she saw Kate emerge from behind Bobby.

"Hey, you brought Kate too" she commented softly to her partner who then looked at her over his shoulder.

"It's nice to see you again Alex. Thanks for the invitation"

"I'm glad you could make it. Make yourself at home…if you can with all this madness going on…want something to drink? I think we have some apple juice for Nicky if he's thirsty?" she looked enquiringly at him and he nodded enthusiastically at the sound of apple juice. Bobby watched him follow her across the kitchen to the large refrigerator.

"Oh…" he went after them, extricating Nicky's bottle from his backpack, handing it to his partner. Kate stood helplessly in the doorway and watched everything and marvelled at how many people were able to fit into one reasonably sized but not overlarge kitchen. Half the population of the city it would seem.

"You must be Bobby's friend…" a woman's voice commented and Kate turned her head. She saw an older woman, had to be in her late sixties, early seventies and diminutive in height regarding her with honey brown eyes, _familiar_ honey brown eyes. She smiled.

"I'm Ellen Eames, Alex's mom. You're…Kate, right?"

"Yes ma'am"

"Call me Ellen sweetheart, and don't worry about the chaos, it can be a little scary sometimes but you'll quickly get used to it" the older woman patted her arm and walked slowly, almost laboriously into the melee. Kate noticed that she walked with a slight limp. Alex turned at that point, handing the juice bottle to Nicky and she saw her mother at the same time.

"Ma, what are you doing in here?" she exclaimed.

"Meeting Bobby's new friend…and supervising…" Ellen responded with a twinkle in her eye as she looked at him.

"Hello Bobby, it's nice to see you again" she greeted warmly. Bobby leaned down and hugged her gently, pressing a kiss on her cheek as he straightened.

"It's nice to see you too Ellen, you're looking well" out of the corner of his eye he saw Kate cross the kitchen to follow Nicky into the yard.

"Flattery will get you everywhere young man. Your new friend seems nice" she lowered her voice almost conspiratorially "very pretty, does Nicky like her?" Bobby regarded her and hoped that he wasn't blushing too fiercely.

"He seems to like her very much" he replied

"Kate's also a classroom assistant at his school" Alex cast a sly glance up to her partner " that's how Bobby met her," the insinuation was clear and Bobby just looked at her, his expression lightening when he saw her smile. Ellen gave her a mildly reproachful look.

"Now you're embarrassing him" she looked at him "how about we go outside and enjoy the sunshine Bobby and leave the worker bees to it?" there was a twinkle in her eyes as she suggested it and Bobby smiled at her and offered her his arm.

"Sounds like a great idea"

Kate sat at a small table that was partially shaded by a huge tree and she watched Nicky flit around the huge yard. There was such an aura of family about the Eames clan. There was a closeness and unity about them that made her yearn a little for what she had missed. Her parents had tried while she was growing up but Michael took up so much of their time and energy that more often than not she tended to be on the sidelines looking in and trying to understand that Michael wasn't the way he was deliberately, it was just the way he was. Again Nicky seemed to hover on the sidelines, alternating between his own agreeable world and the one going on around him. She watched him stop and watch the children running around with an air of fascination. What interested Kate was the fact that none of the kids took any notice of him and his odd behaviour. They had said hello to him when he'd first arrived and then got on with their game. There was none of the standing around and gawping that she'd witnessed time and time again. They accepted him. She turned her head and saw Bobby come into view, Alex's mom on his arm. She watched him escort her to a vacant seat with other members of her family and help her into it. They greeted Bobby with easy familiarity and he seemed to be comfortable in their presence. She then watched him walk towards her. His whole demeanour seemed to be much more relaxed here. He was amongst friends, people who knew him and knew Nicky. He sat down beside her and looked at her.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly. Kate just nodded.

"Nicky seems to be very comfortable here" she commented. She watched him turn his head and regard his son for a short while before returning his attention to her.

"That's because he is. The kids accept him and he loves the space" he watched Kate smile to herself.

"Michael was the same, he was never happier unless he was out in the wide open spaces. My mom and dad have a huge back yard too. We should go along some time, I think they'd like to meet you both" Bobby seemed to regard her for a few moments.

"It was only a suggestion Bobby" she tacked on, keeping her voice quiet. He scanned her face, his expression thoughtful.

"I know and I'm not saying no but…"

"Nicky won't be a problem if we prepare him enough. He needs to get used to new places, new situations, for example he's never been to my apartment and I want him to be as close to comfortable in there as he is at home or here, if he gets familiar it may be useful if you're called in all of a sudden and need me to watch him at my place. My parents won't be upset or embarrassed by anything that he does or says, probably the opposite. You never know, he might enjoy himself" he watched her, saw animated her expression became as she talked. It was hard not to be won over by such spirit. He sighed.

"Okay. We can try" she leaned closer to him.

"You're not doing this alone," she reminded him. He lifted up a hand and gently touched her cheekbone and a smile briefly brightened his eyes.

"I know," he all but whispered.

Alex watched Bobby and Kate. Slowly but surely he was relinquishing some of that iron clad control that he normally held ferociously onto. Kate was getting under his notoriously tough skin inch by inch. She had to admire her patience. Bobby could be a stubborn pain in the ass sometimes and there had been times when she herself could have screamed in frustration because of it but his stubbornness was never bloody minded, if he was that way it was for a good reason. It had been his stubbornness that had gotten Nicky into the right school; it had been his stubbornness that had stood him in good stead when all around him his world was going to hell in a hand basket. He was stubborn at the best of times because he had to be, not because he could be. It got him results. This softer side to him was a revelation.

The barbecue was fired up and it seemed as though Alex's father was in charge of the cooking. Kate watched Ellen as she seemed to hold court from the chair Bobby had guided her to. Everyone treated her with reverence and special attention. She felt a pressure on her knee and turned her head and saw a little boy of not more than two years old regarding her with huge brown eyes. Once he realised that he had her attention then he grinned. It was so cute and so disarming that Kate couldn't help but smile back. She leaned forwards.

"Aren't you the cutest? What's your name?"

"Jake!" the little boy crowed and Kate's smile widened.

"Is that right? Well hi Jake, I'm Kate" his hair was a reddish blond colour and he was clad in an army green coloured t-shirt and navy shorts already streaked with dried mud and grass. He was at the age where he was beginning to lose some of that baby fat. He lifted both arms and announced that he wanted "up!" Kate's eyes widened momentarily. Oh the innocence of childhood.

"You want to be up?"

"Yeah. Up!" and he stretched his arms even higher.

"Okay, here goes, you ready?" the little boy nodded as Kate lifted him up into her arms and positioned him on her lap. He sat facing outwards and leaned up against her and began to watch the proceedings with her.

"Ah, I see you've made friends with Jake" Kate turned her head when she heard Alex's voice. She then smiled and looked down at the little boy.

"I think it's more of a case of him making friends with me" she watched Alex sit down beside her. She looked at the little boy and smiled.

"That's nothing unusual, wherever Jake goes, he makes friends" she reached across and touched his chubby cheek. Jake turned his head and grinned at her but made no attempt to go to her. Kate glanced at him and then across the yard where Bobby stood beside Nicky. They were investigating a tree and Nicky was looking up at something his father was pointing to, his wrists doing their usual twisting and flapping.

"You know, you're the first person Bobby has brought here" Alex commented. Kate looked at her and Alex saw her disbelief.

"Well you are. It's nice to see him like this" Kate didn't know how to respond to that. Instead she looked back across the yard to see Bobby talking to his son and she saw how Nicky looked at him. Then Bobby smiled.

"He smiles more" Alex continued.

"We're on the same page where Nicky is concerned"

"Because you're his teacher?" her tone was sceptical and Kate looked at her.

"No. Because I know what Bobby is going through. I don't know if he told you, but my older brother is autistic" she watched Alex's eyes widen slightly

"He didn't actually" Kate glanced down at Jake and saw that his eyelids were drooping.

"Let me take him, he's way past due his nap" Alex then offered and before Kate could assure that her that it was okay, she had scooped the little boy off her lap and got to her feet. The little boy protested mildly before resting his head against her shoulder, his eyes drifting closed again. Alex turned to look at Kate.

"Anyone who can help Bobby to realise that he doesn't have to do what he does by himself…well they get the okay in my book" she smiled briefly at her before taking Jake inside.

"You both looked like you were getting along" Kate lifted her head at Bobby's voice. She watched as he sat down beside her.

"I think I just got a seal of approval from your partner" Kate replied and Bobby's eyes widened a little, not before she saw the sparkle of amusement in them.

"Uh…you did? Wow"

"Indeed" his eyes fixed on her mouth and he smiled.

"Do you know how…prim… you just sounded then?" It was her turn to look amused.

"Well I am a classroom assistant," she told him. He continued to regard her, his brown eyes soft with laughter.

"You are" He then leaned towards her and pressed a soft kiss on her mouth.

Alex saw Bobby kiss her and for a moment it floored her. Bobby was usually very close-mouthed about his life outside of work. For the most part it was on a need to know basis. Oh, she knew the ins and outs of his relationship with his son and the necessary information pertaining to that and of course she knew about his mom, but that was it and she only knew that because she worked so closely with him on a daily basis. She knew only what he wanted her to know. There was an invisible line between them that she never dared to cross. She was his partner, she was his friend and she knew that he would absolutely have her back in a crisis with no questions asked or expected. He definitely liked Kate but she could see that he still kept a part of himself separate from even her. Bobby was the smartest, most dedicated person she knew and his friendship meant more to her than he would ever realise.

Alex turned her head slightly and her heart stilled in her chest. Frantically she scanned all around the yard. Nicky was nowhere to be seen.


	15. Chapter 15

_What is the deal with author's notes not showing up??...sheesh. Anyway. Thank you for those who left reviews, they were much appreciated. I also realised in my last chapter, that i'd made an error. Kate told Alex that Michael was her elder brother when in reality, or in my fic anyway, he's her younger brother. Oops. It happens. This chapter deals with Bobby having a near panic attack, rescuing his son and Kate talking him down from a threatening major guilt trip. Hope you like it. All reviews accepted :)_

* * *

_**Fifteen:**_

Bobby turned his head and saw Alex stride out into the middle of the yard. He frowned, his gaze following her. He rose to his feet and realised at the same time.

"Where's Nicky?" he murmured, his heart beat seeming to halt. His breathing changed and he fought back the initial panic he felt. _Oh no. Oh God no. _Beside him Kate also got to her feet. Alex turned to look at her partner. She watched as he half ran towards her, his heart resumed its usual pace. _He wouldn't panic, he wouldn't have, couldn't have gone far._

"I swear he was here five minutes ago," she breathed. She watched as he slowly turned in a small circle. Kate walked over to where she'd last seen Nicky stand. She took in her surroundings and then moved towards something. She turned.

"Bobby?" she called and he spun around. He hurried over and she indicated the half rotted wooden gate partially hidden by bushes. Beside him, Alex groaned.

"I'd forgotten about that. He got through there?"

"You'd be surprised at what he can crawl, walk or push his way through" Bobby retorted and with a single, vicious yank, he made the gap wide enough for them all to get through.

The yard backed out onto a large open space. It was a place to play, to walk pets and parts of it were wild and overgrown. He took a deep breath; he wouldn't allow himself to panic. He repeated to himself the mantra that he had to be close by. To their right was a dense wooded area. Bobby turned to look at Alex.

"He can't have gone far Bobby, we can find him."

"Anything we can do?" Bobby turned his head again and saw Alex's dad and two brothers appear.

"We can split into three groups of pairs. Two groups can go into the woods, one can scan the field" Alex began. Kate went to stand beside Bobby. He was scanning the filed, his eyes slightly narrowed. She touched his wrist.

"We _will_ find him," she murmured. His answering nod was brief and tight

"I looked away for a moment…" _To kiss you_, the rest of it went unsaid.

"A moment is all it takes. You can't watch him twenty-four seven" Bobby sighed shakily, lifting a hand to rub the back of his head.

"Let's just…find him okay…"

The sound of a dog barking made all of them pause and listen. They turned in the direction of the wood. It was swiftly followed by the sound of a child's scream. Kate watched Bobby's complexion turn ashen.

"Oh God…that's Nicky" and he began to run.

* * *

He tore through overhanging branches and through bushes. His heart hammering like a trapped bird in his chest. All that went through his mind was how quickly he could get to his son. Then he caught sight of a flash of red and skidded to a halt. He was dimly aware of everyone else catching up with him. 

"Oh God"

A large dog stood less than ten feet away from Nicky who was absolutely frozen to the spot. His hands covered his ears and he was making a low, keening sound in his throat.

"Nicky…stay still" Bobby commanded, watching the dog, which was growling, its fangs bared. The beast had to outweigh his son by twenty pounds at the very least.

"Daddy…nasty dog" Nicky's wavery voice answered, which made the dog growl even louder and advance towards him another inch.

"Just…keep…still...a… as still as a statue. I'll be there soon…don't move" he instructed. He glanced over his shoulder, saw Kate and grasped her wrist. He drew her behind him.

"I need you to get to Nicky. I have to get the dog's attention…onto me. You have to get to Nicky and get him away," he told her in a low voice and she nodded.

Alex watched as slowly Bobby moved into the dog's line of vision. Kate walked behind him but towards Nicky. The child was shaking with fright, his hands still glued to his ears.

"Hey Nicky" she murmured quietly, moving closer and closer to him.

"Kate…scared…" he whimpered.

"I know sweetheart" she got within a step of him and automatically she reached out her arms. Nicky lunged towards her and she wrapped her arms around him. He clung to her and buried his face into the curve of her neck.

Bobby heard his son begin to cry but he couldn't turn his head to look. He had the dog's attention, exactly as he'd planned. Its hackles were raised, its ears flat against its skull and it was poised, as if ready to attack. He wondered what would happen, how he'd react if the dog did indeed attack him. He took a deep, silent breath and readied himself. He wasn't armed; he'd left his gun at home. This was it, the dog or him, who was the alpha male. All of a sudden a deafening crack echoed through the still air. It made Bobby start and he heard Nicky scream. The dog seemed to snap out of its staring contest, turn tail and bolt. Bobby turned his head and saw Alex's father standing nearby, a rifle held aloft. The sound of the shot echoed still. He let out a deep, deep sigh then turned. He paused when he saw his son in Kate's arms. Her face was pale, her eyes wide. He walked towards them, his legs slightly rubbery. He touched his son's arm, gently rubbed his back. What he really wanted to do was drag him into his arms and hug him and never ever let go of him.

"Hey Nicky. Everything is okay now" Nicky lifted his head and glanced fleetingly at his father and he nodded and took a step away from Kate.

"Bobby…" he looked at her.

"He's had an accident," she told him quietly. He nodded. She regarded him and touched his arm.

"That was a very brave thing that you did" she watched him swallow.

"It was the only thing I…I could think of" he mumbled, still watching his son.

"It was the right thing" she assured him. He looked at her. She went towards him.

"He's okay Bobby" she saw the doubt in his eyes. She slipped her hand into his.

"Come on, let's go"

* * *

The atmosphere had changed once they got back to the Eames home. The laughter had disappeared, the children were subdued and Bobby noticed Alex's sisters were beginning to clear the tables. He watched Kate retrieve Nicky's backpack and then take Nicky inside. He turned his head when he saw Johnny Eames push the errant gate shut and wedge it closed. Then he turned to look at Bobby and his expression was grim. 

"First thing tomorrow I'm going to nail that shut," he promised him. Bobby nodded imperceptibly and turned again.

"Please…I don't want you to stop your…celebrations on my account…on Nicky's account. It was an accident and…and he's safe" he felt wretched. His nerves were absolutely shot to hell and he wanted to get out of here and go somewhere and…hide. He wanted to hide. He sucked in another deep breath.

"Please" he beseeched.

Kate and Nicky followed Alex up the stairs to the family bathroom. As she opened the door, the two women exchanged a look.

"If you need anything, just yell" Alex told her and Kate nodded.

"I think you need to talk to Bobby. He's pretty shook up" Kate then told her. Alex regarded her

"Okay. I will if you think it'd help but I think it would be better coming from you," Kate just nodded.

"Maybe you're right…but you've known him a lot longer than I have" she replied.

She helped Nicky to change out of his wet shorts and into dry ones. He was very subdued, withdrawn and Kate would've liked to do nothing more than to hug him. He had clung to her earlier on in the woods and it had taken her by surprise but he had reacted out of extreme stress. The test would be to watch him over the next couple of days and see how he processed it all.

"Hey Nicky" she murmured and watched as he glanced up at her face.

"You okay honey?" she enquired. There was a brief silence.

"Nicky scared. Dog scared Nicky," he told her.

"Yeah, I know. But you're safe now" she replied. There was another silence.

"Want to go home now please" Kate sighed quietly.

"Let's go find your dad," she conceded. She packed up his backpack and followed him out of the bathroom.

* * *

When Alex came down the stairs, she wasn't surprised to see Bobby standing at the bottom. She watched him look at her and then swiftly away. She paused on the staircase and the partners just looked at each other. 

"Is he okay?" he asked her.

"He's shook up, withdrawn. Kate is taking care of him" Bobby's expression was sombre.

"What about you? How are you?" Alex remembered how Bobby had faced off against that huge brute to protect his son; had done it without a moment's thought or hesitation. She didn't even want to contemplate what could've happened if the dog had attacked. Thanks to her dad, it hadn't happened.

"I'm okay…I am"

"You don't look it. You want a beer?" she went down the last couple of steps and past him. He turned and looked at her.

"I think we're going to go home" he followed her back into the kitchen and she looked at him over one shoulder. He was rubbing the back of his neck…uh-_oh she recognised that mannerism of old…_

"Going home? I hope not, the day isn't over yet," she gently chided.

"Nicky was terrified…I…I..."

"Was terrified too. We all were Bobby," she reminded him. He sighed heavily.

"It has to be Nicky's decision, if he wants to go, then we'll have to go" he answered. Alex shrugged.

"Fair enough" she agreed.

* * *

A few minutes later Nicky and Kate made their way slowly down the stairs. Kate half expected Bobby to be waiting at the bottom, but there was no sign of him. 

"Dad must be in the yard. Shall we go find him?" she suggested to Nicky

"Find dad" the boy replied.

Kate heard music playing when she and Nicky emerged from the house into the yard. In front of her, Nicky went still. She watched him tilt his head to one side and listen. She watched as Alex approached him and in her hand was Nicky's red juice bottle. She glanced briefly at Kate and she watched her as she approached him.

"I got you some more juice Nicky" she handed him the bottle which he accepted. Alex watched him, noticing how absorbed he became.

"You like the music Nicky? Want to come listen to it with me?" and to Kate's astonishment, Nicky nodded and followed Alex to where a CD player on one of the picnic tables was playing music. Kate then turned her head and saw Bobby sitting by himself. She took a deep breath and went towards him. He lifted his head as she approached and there was no smile of welcome on his face as she sat down beside him.

"Are you okay?" she asked him. He briefly glanced at her before returning his attention to his son who was sitting beside his partner and telling her the name of each song on the CD.

"I should be asking you that question," he answered.

"Bobby, you faced off against that dog, it could've ripped your throat out" this time when he looked at her, his expression was more measured.

"But it didn't"

"Thanks to Alex's father."

" Nicky's safety is the most important issue to me…"

"I know, you'd do anything to protect him..."

"I have to Kate, because he can't take care of himself…if that dog had…" he halted abruptly and shook his head. Kate touched his arm.

"He's _safe_ Bobby. You saw to that"

"Yeah, and look at him. I expected him to want to leave and look at him" they both saw Nicky flash one of his rare smiles at his partner.

"That was a very clever move on my partner's behalf. For all he's my son, it didn't occur to me to try and distract him like that"

"It's worked like a charm" Bobby looked at her again.

"I should've known something like that" Kate turned more fully in her seat and faced him.

"Is this the part where you flagellate yourself over what you _should_ have done Bobby? You are not omniscient; you're not supposed to know absolutely everything. You saved Nicky, and what Alex is doing with him now, will maybe help him to be able to process what happened to him a little easier than we think…or it may not. What you _shouldn't_ be doing right now is blaming yourself for any of this" he opened his mouth as if to argue with her but nothing came out. He shook his head slightly instead.

"Are you feeling guilty because Nicky went missing while you were…distracted?" she asked him.

"Now is not the time or the place to talk about this Kate" he evaded and turned his head to watch Nicky. Some of the kids were dancing to the music on the CD and Nicky was watching them, occasionally smiling and twirling his wrists. How had Alex been able to do that?

"Well that's just your tough luck Bobby because I want to talk about this" Kate interrupted in a low but angry voice. He looked back at her.

"No. Not now" he stressed with a frown.

"Don't withdraw from me Bobby because something went wrong. It doesn't make you any less of a human being or a father. Remind me to tell you about the times Michael decided to explore and forgot to tell us where he was going, sometime. It was one time Bobby…one time" he turned and watched as she got to her feet. He captured her wrist and held on.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"To get a drink…want one?" she noticed the beer bottle in his hand.

"Oh…I thought you were going to storm off in a temper or somethin'…"

"I don't have a temper" she replied and he raised an eyebrow.

"Oh don't you? Well you just damned well put me in my place just now, what do you call that?" he watched with a twinkle in his eye as her expression lightened and he smiled. He tugged her back down.

"This is me Kate. I worry, I stress. You need to get used to it. I'll get you that drink" And she watched him get to his feet instead.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N **_Apologies for the long time in updating. Thankfully things seem to be back on track where this fic is concerned. Thank you to those who took the time to review the last chapter. In this one, Bobby is still beating himself up over what happened to Nicky. Kate makes him an offer and alternatively surprises him. Thoughts as always_,

* * *

Fireworks illuminated the night sky. She watched him standing beside the window watching them. His arms were folded, legs braced slightly apart. She went to him and stood beside him. He turned his head and looked at her.

"He's still fast asleep," she murmured to him. He smiled absently and watched as she moved closer to him. He slipped an arm across her shoulders and gently drew her up against him.

"How do you think he'll be?" she asked him. He pulled his gaze from the multi coloured spectacle outside and looked at her again.

"Tonight?" he shrugged "I'm expecting him to wake up, he could have a nightmare or he could just sleep and deal with it in another way"

"Would you like me to stay? In case he wakes up?" her voice shook slightly and he regarded her. It was so tempting to say yes. He wanted nothing more than to accept. His mind was suddenly full of images of her in his arms and he took a deep, deep breath.

"I'll be okay. It's not the first time and it won't be the last" he told her in a husky voice.

"You shouldn't have to do it alone" he smiled, gently touched her face with one long finger.

"I know and you've done too much for me already but really…it's okay" he assured her. She stared at him for a long moment and then stood on tiptoe and pressed a gentle kiss on his mouth. Then she took a step backwards.

"Then I'd better be getting home" she told him. He watched her as she gathered up her purse and hooked it onto her shoulder.

"Kate…" he beseeched quietly and went to her. In the meantime she turned and looked at him.

"Stay…stay for a little while longer…p…please" She continued to regard him without saying a word and he resisted the urge to shift from one foot to the other. He held a hand out to her instead.

"I want you to stay…I…I do, but I have to think of my son. Too many new situations…it'd be too much for him…right now" she put her hand in his and walked back towards him.

"I could be gone before he gets up" she looked up into his dark brown eyes. She saw how he began to waver, to think her proposition over. Then he shook his head suddenly.

"Our first time…well I…" he scratched the back of his head, his eyes darting away from hers for a moment and he huffed out a sigh. He looked at her again "Kate…I want it to be special," she continued to look at him and then sighed softly. He was nervous, eight years was a hell of a long time to…well it was a long time to go without anything.

"Okay Bobby" she replied quietly. She lifted his hand and he watched her raise it to her cheek.

"Okay" she sighed.

* * *

Kate woke with a start. Her head felt thick and muzzy and it took a full two seconds for her to realise that she'd fallen asleep on the sofa, on _Bobby's_ sofa and more to the point, she'd fallen asleep beside him. She sat up as Bobby did; he'd obviously heard something too.

"It's Nicky," he murmured, his voice husky and sleep filled. She watched as he got to his feet and then followed suit. She followed him in to his son's bedroom.

Nicky stood in the centre of his bedroom. All around him were his toys, his books and his DVD collection. They watched as he launched another book. It flew across the room and landed with a dull thump at the other side of the room. That was what had woken her.

"Nicky?" Bobby kept his voice low but Nicky spun around quickly, his spine snapping straight and he dropped whatever was in his hand onto the floor. Kate watched as instead he grabbed onto his hair and began to pull.

"Hey Nicky…" slowly he approached his son and he watched him raise his head and look at him. Slowly Bobby reached out and grasped one of his wrists and slowly removed his hand from his hair, lowering his arm to his side. He didn't fight back as he repeated the move with his other hand. Instead his head lowered and slumped to Bobby's shoulder. Kate watched him move a step closer to his son and slide his arm across his shoulder and draw him a little bit closer. He rubbed his back gently, rhythmically and Nicky let him. After a moment or two he lifted his head and they exchanged a look.

"You had a bad, bad dream," Bobby murmured to him.

"Nicky scared. Bad dog scare Nicky" his voice trembled and Bobby smoothed his child's unruly curls.

"The dog is gone Nicky, it won't hurt you ever again" he turned his head and looked at Kate. He saw her standing in the doorway, looking sleep dishevelled…and there. He blinked.

"You need me to do anything?" her voice was quiet and Nicky turned his head. Kate walked towards them both. Bobby couldn't immediately reply.

"How about I get this young man settled back into bed, huh?" she suggested. She watched him give pause to what she had said, seemed to weigh it up inside of his brain and then eventually nod. He stepped away from Nicky and watched Kate approach him.

He busied himself with picking up the books his son had thrown and watched Kate lead Nicky back to his bed and settle him. He straightened, the books in his hands and just watched them both.

Kate was curled up on the sofa when Bobby came back in. She looked tired, sleep dishevelled and he suddenly felt shy, awkward around her. She looked up.

"Is he asleep?" she saw him nod.

"Was that the reaction you were expecting?" she uncurled her body and got to her feet. Around her Bobby felt big, ungainly and clumsy.

"One of them yeah" he admitted.

"You've no way of knowing how long this could last, it could be a one off situation, it could be the first of many," she guessed and he nodded.

"He had a bad scare today, it's going to take some time" he admitted.

"We can do it. Whatever he throws at us, literally and figuratively, we can do it" she assured him. He frowned.

"Kate, this is a lot to deal with. You didn't ask for any of this, none of it but here you are" he sighed and swiped a big hand over his face and he looked down at the floor.

"I'm too tired to think about it," he mumbled.

"Then go to bed. I'll sleep on the sofa…just in case," his head snapped up.

"I'll sleep on the sofa, you take my bed," he offered but she shook her head.

"No. In case Nicky goes walkabout, I think you should have the bed" He seemed to give the matter more thought.

"It's a really big bed. You could…we could…"he indicated the door and she took a deep breath. She looked at him and then down at her rumpled clothing.

"Maybe…"

"Oh…I have…t-shirts…you could sleep in one of them…" he offered. She looked up at him again.

"Okay Bobby" He didn't speak, he just nodded.

* * *

_Oh God, this is awkward._ That was the only thought that went through Bobby's mind. Despite the lateness of the hour, he was acutely aware of her standing in his bedroom as he opened his wardrobe and took out a t-shirt. He handed it to her and watched her accept it.

"I'll be a few minutes," she told him quietly and he watched her turn and head for the bathroom.

Kate's heart was thumping in her chest as she stood in the bathroom and took off her clothes. Bobby's t-shirt was looped over the side of the bath and she looked at it.

She wondered how many t-shirts he owned. The black cotton material felt soft and well washed against her skin. She also wondered if this one was a favourite of his. She pulled her hair free of the neckline and took a deep breath. She spent some time neatly folding her clothes before picking them up and holding them to her chest. He had made his feelings plain, he wanted their first time together to be special and just the thought of it was enough to make her tremble inside. The time that they spent together now was governed by the presence of Nicky. This was what he'd warned her about; there couldn't be any dates with just the two of them, why there couldn't be any real 'alone' time. She didn't feel resentful. It was frustrating but she didn't resent it. Bobby wouldn't be the man that he was otherwise. And she recognised the pattern of old. Her parents had often put her in second place and she didn't blame them. Michael needed their attention more than she had; they had figured that since she was the elder, she wouldn't need them so much. But she had done. And she'd felt guilty each time she'd wanted their attention, just for an extra moment and all she saw was the exhaustion on their faces. It was something that she had never forgotten.

He was already in bed when she came into the bedroom. This was where the bookcases were. She'd noticed that there were none in the living room. They dominated one side of the room and the shelves were absolutely packed tight to almost overflowing.

"They're in here because given the first opportunity, Nicky would trash them," he explained and she looked at him.

"But he wouldn't destroy them?" Bobby shook his head.

"I need these books…mostly for work. I think he just likes to create a mess out of them, even though he likes order. For six months after I got custody, all he would do was trash my books, they would be all over the floor and after that I got tired of putting them all back and instead I moved the bookcases in here" he explained.

He watched her walk around the end of his bed and he felt his body begin to react at the sight of her in his black t-shirt. For a long time he'd begun to suspect that he'd been dead from the neck down. In his line of work he'd come into contact with a lot of beautiful women. Some of them had made their interest in him known but he'd never taken that all-important initial first step. His son always came first. He couldn't envision any of them coping with Nicky and his idiosyncrasies so he had brutally closed down _that_ part of his anatomy and now Kate stood in front of him wearing his t-shirt, the colour a dark smudge against her fair colouring and now it decided to reawaken with a vengeance.

The mattress dipped slightly as she climbed in. Her heart still fluttered in her chest a little. He was a man of his word but he still made her a little nervous.

Bobby watched her as she lay down on the pillow and then roll onto her side to face him. God, her eyes were so blue, in a face scrubbed clean of any cosmetic embellishment, they were the only thing of real colour and stood out starkly against her skin. He reached across and with the tip of his index finger; he touched her face, smoothing it along the line of her cheekbone and down to her mouth. He then uncurled the rest of his palm to lay it tenderly against the side of her face. He leaned forwards and kissed her.

Her eyes drifted shut at the touch of his mouth against hers and endless minutes passed by as his kisses became deeper and bolder. His hand slid down and gently gripped her shoulder and then he drew back. His brown eyes looked to be a little on the dazed side.

"Go to sleep" he whispered to her, his voice tremoring slightly and he watched as her eyes widened.

"Bobby…after that…I…" her entire body ached to be touched. Mutely she touched his face, her thumb gently rubbing against his lower lip. His eyes swept closed for a second before opening and fixing on her face again.

"I know…I …know what…I said…and I meant it" She wanted to tell him, the hell with what he had said.

"And…I don't have anything…"

"I'm on the pill," she whispered to him. He opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind and then sighed.

He felt her hand on his chest.

"There are other ways to have fun you know," she reminded him with a wicked glint in her eyes that quite frankly left him feeling just a little bit shocked.

Shocked he realised, in a very pleasant way.


	17. Chapter 17

_Many thanks to those who took the time to read and review the last chapter. As always, i like to hear your thoughts. I know, another chapter in the space of a week, but i'm suddenly re-engaged with the story of Bobby, Kate and Nicky. Here's another chapter. A small glimpse of each life away from the other. Thoughts as always appreciated. _

* * *

A phone was ringing. 

Bobby frowned and his eyes opened when it became more intrusive. At the same time he heard Kate mutter that it was her phone. He had just about enough time to move his arm from around her waist as she moved towards it and answered it.

"Hello? Oh hey mom. What time is it…really? I hadn't forgotten. I've just overslept…" she turned her head and looked at Bobby who had rolled onto his other side to check the time. It was after nine. Her eyes widened. Nicky had never slept so late. She then looked back around and at the discarded t-shirt that Bobby had thrown to the floor just hours before.

"I'll be over soon. Tell Michael I'll see him shortly" and she ended her call, snapping her phone shut. She turned to look at Bobby again to see him pulling on a pair of jeans and heading out of the room.

Nicky was sitting on the floor of his bedroom. His red juice bottle was beside him, a book open on his lap and one of his DVD's played in the background. He then glanced up at his father.

"Dad sleep beside Kate so Nicky got his juice. Nicky a big boy" he told him and then looked back at his book, reaching for his juice bottle at the same time. Bobby sighed raggedly and stared at his son in surprise.

"I'll get some breakfast started. We're going to see grandma today remember" his gut churned slightly at that thought. It had been a stressful enough weekend as it was, a visit to Carmel Ridge wasn't going to soothe his son's rattled nerves any quicker.

"Visit Grandma," Nicky parroted. Bobby stared at him for another moment. Another curveball. But he dreaded to think what condition the kitchen was in.

Kate went into the kitchen to see Bobby mopping up a puddle of orange juice on a workbench. He turned his head as if sensing her and then looked ruefully back at the mess he was wiping up.

"Nicky decided that today he was going to be independent…and get himself some juice rather than wake me…us…up" she went towards him.

"He did? Good for him"

"Even though most of it ended up not in his bottle…" he turned his head and regarded her as she surveyed the mess and she grinned.

"Think of the intent Bobby. He had the intention of fixing himself a drink, so he made a mess, so what? Don't all kids of his age?" she went towards him until she was standing right in his personal space.

"Yeah…."

"Think positively" she then stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

"I have to go" It was then that he realised that she was dressed in her own clothes again. He remembered her in his t-shirt and then out of it and his heart thumped heavily in his chest. They hadn't gone all the way last night…his mind stuttered to a halt. Just thinking about it was enough.

"You can't stay for breakfast?" she shook her head.

"I need to get back to my apartment and get changed. I was supposed to be at my mom's earlier…but I guess…I got distracted…" she smiled coyly up at him and he smiled back. Distracted hadn't been the half of it.

"I heard you mention taking Nicky to visit his grandma?" Bobby's lazy smile began to disappear and he began mopping up the spilled juice again. Kate watched how his stance became stiff and she began to realise that this was a delicate subject. Then he paused and looked at her over his shoulder.

"My mother is in a psychiatric facility upstate called Carmel Ridge. She's been there…a long time now. She has…well she has paranoid…schizophrenia. Nicky hates the place," he explained.

"How long has she been there?"

"It feels like forever. A long time" he admitted. He finished mopping up and dropped the sopping wet paper towels into the trash.

"Nicky picks up on the atmosphere and…well he doesn't like it" He didn't blame him. He didn't like the place but it was a necessary…he didn't want to say evil but it had been a part of his life, a routine since time immemorial.

"What time do you usually visit?" Bobby frowned.

"Around noon…why?"

"How about I get back from my visit in time for you going up there and I can watch Nicky" she watched his eyes begin to widen.

"Kate, I can't keep doing this to you. It's your day off. Take it. Nicky and I will be fine today," he told her.

"But I could…"

"I know you could, but you need some personal time too. We'll be alright, I promise"

"I want to help Bobby…"

"That's all that you've been doing Kate. Take the day, we'll be fine" he assured her and saw the little frown form between her eyebrows. He kissed her instead.

"I'll keep my phone switched on if you change your mind" she watched him as he rolled his eyes.

"Kate, just go!" he sighed, smiling at the same time.

* * *

She drove back to her apartment, her mind full of Bobby and what they had shared. He had taken her breath away and instead of satisfying her, he had only made her want him even more. She had to admire him for his tremendous sense of control, he'd held onto it with an iron strong grip. But she'd finally gotten to see what it was he kept hidden under those suits of his, and what she'd seen had made her smile. She smiled even now, her skin heating with a blush. It would be enough to sustain her through today. 

She showered and examined the pinkish marks that touched her skin here and there. She smiled secretively.

The drive to her parents home was straightforward and uneventful. She saw the mini van from Michael's residential home parked outside of their door and she smiled. Michael spent the occasional day with them, usually if his behaviour had been calm, it was a treat that he seemed to enjoy. She parked her car and got out, pulling the strap of her purse further up her shoulder.

The interior of the house was quiet as she let herself inside and she listened. The family home was huge, far too big for two people to rattle around in but her mother loved it; loved the wide open spaces and she didn't blame her. Kate knew the entire property and all of its secrets. She had been born here and had grown up here. As she walked through the house to the huge yard at the back, she couldn't help but think of Nicky. Something told her that he would enjoy these wide-open spaces too.

Everyone was congregated in the garden as she had guessed they would be. She stepped out onto the patio and saw Michael across the lawn with his carer and they were slowly walking around the edge of it whilst Michael took great interest in the trees that were there.

"Katie, you made it!" her mother's voice was sweet and she sounded genuinely happy to see her. Kate crossed over the patio towards them, watching as they both got to their feet. She embraced them individually.

"I'm sorry I'm late" she apologised and turned to look at her brother. He had stopped with his inspection of the trees when he had heard his mother's voice and had gone quite still. Kate watched and waited for his reaction. She watched him as he turned and looked her way. He didn't look _at_ her but around her, and she smiled as a big smile threatened to split his face in two.

"Katie…Katie…" he announced joyfully and began to walk towards her. Like Nicky, his gait was slightly unsteady, a little bit clumsy. He reached her and flung his arms around her in a familiar manner and with enough force to almost knock her off her feet. Kate laughed and hugged him back, feeling his thin body next to hers for the briefest of moments before he let her go.

"Katie here now…missed Katie…" his eyes swept around her and for a solitary second rested on hers.

"I'm sorry I'm late Michael, I slept late, but I'm here now" he slowly nodded.

"Yes. Here now" and he swung around and headed back across the lawn, back to his carer. The slices of affection that Michael doled out were few and far between but Kate cherished them all.

"We missed you yesterday" Eleanor Jones told her. She watched her daughter as she lowered herself onto the vacant patio chair. Kate smiled absently and poured herself a glass of orange juice. She looked up at the cloudless blue sky. It was a perfect morning to have breakfast _al fresco_. She looked at her mother and saw the question in her blue eyes.

"I told you I had other plans…"

"And how is Nicky doing?"

"He's doing okay mom. We had a little scare yesterday when he wandered off but we got through it" she replied, then took a sip of juice.

"We?"

"Nicky's father and I"

"That's the police detective, right?" Kate nodded in confirmation.

Kate could almost read her mother's mind. Kate had mentioned Bobby during their telephone conversations, talked about Nicky too. She would easily connect the dots. She also saw worry there.

"Bobby's special mom. So is his son. I know what I'm doing" her mother's expression turned sympathetic.

"I hope so darling"

"I'd like to meet him sometime…" Kate looked at her father and smiled again.

"I'd like him to meet you too but he's a very busy man. I also think that Nicky would get a real kick out of this place so hopefully it'll happen sooner rather than later" she replied.

"He means a lot to you"

"They both do"

* * *

Bobby could sense the tension coming off his son. This was the first visit since Mrs Johnson's death for Nicky and he knew that he remembered the place. He paid the cab driver and then looked at him.

"We won't be here for too long but I need to see grandma. Is that okay?" he watched him dip his head in assent, all the while staring out of the window at the building. His brown eyes were wide and Bobby could see that he was remembering. He sighed quietly and opened the door. It had been a traumatic weekend, he hoped to God he could get through today without any drama. That wouldn't be asking too much, would it?

Nicky walked along the corridors, his backpack clutched to his chest. Bobby kept half an eye on him, alert to the slightest change in behaviour. He saw how his son's eyes swept over everything around him. One more incident would make him bolt for sure. He paused when he got to his mother's room. He looked at Nicky.

"Okay. Here we go" he sighed out and took a deep breath

"Here we go" Nicky parroted and followed him inside.

Frances Goren lifted her head when the door opened and Bobby watched the expression of relief cross her face when she saw who her visitors were. She closed her book and unhooked her reading glasses from her face, placing both on the low wooden coffee table in front of her. She got to her feet and hurried towards her son.

"At last! Bobby…" he leaned over to return her embrace, to kiss her cheek. As she stepped back, she caught sight of her grandson. Bobby watched the look of surprise and something else he wasn't sure he wanted to identify, cross her face at the sight of him.

"You brought Nicky? I thought you said he had a nurse now?" she turned and returned to her little sofa and sat back down.

"She's not a nurse, she's an assistant and today's her day off," he explained patiently.

"Her job is to look after your _son_ Bobby" her tone became slightly waspish.

"And she isn't a slave. He'll be okay" he glanced at Nicky who still stood beside him, staring up at the ceiling with interest. He resisted the urge to copy him.

"You said that the last time…"

"What was I supposed to do ma? Leave him behind?" he retorted and immediately regretted his stinging words. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.

"I'm…"

"It's alright, as you like to remind me, he's your son" Frances retorted, her tone miffed and if at all, it made him feel worse.

"Your right, he is" he led Nicky to the coffee table and opened up his backpack. He withdrew a selection of Nicky's favourite reading books, his juice bottle and a plastic box that held a snack for him. Nicky sat down and opened a book and Bobby watched as he became immersed in it. He then straightened up and looked at his mother. She was watching Nicky and there was such a…sad expression on her face.

"You okay ma?" he kept his voice low and she looked at him.

"It's such a shame…such a handsome young man. Looks just like his grandfather" she sighed nostalgically. Bobby went to sit down beside her.

"You think so?" Frances looked at him.

"Oh of course, he's pure Goren, any fool can see that" she replied and a small smile played around Bobby's mouth.


	18. Chapter 18

_Many thanks for the great reviews. All were pondered over and appreciated. All errors, grammar and otherwise are strictly my own. Thoughts and opinions welcomed. :)_

* * *

Visiting hours were close to being over and Bobby allowed himself to relax a little. He'd been apprehensive about how Nicky would react but so far he had been calm. He'd read his books, drank his juice and eaten his snack. Now he stood by the window and looked out at the car park below. Bobby listened to his mother's litany whilst keeping his usual half eye on his son. 

He should've known it wouldn't last for long.

Someone started screaming. The suddenness and sheer power of it made everyone start. Bobby could hear running footsteps and beside him he heard his mother sigh.

"That's Mrs Henderson again, you always know when it's nearly the end of visiting hours because she starts hollerin' like a banshee" Bobby sighed quietly. He'd forgotten about Mrs Henderson.

He turned to look at Nicky and dread curled in his stomach. Nicky had gone stock still and had his hands clamped over his ears. His eyes were wide and there was a look of sheer panic on his face. Slowly Bobby rose to his feet.

"Stop…stop…" Nicky began to mutter. Bobby went towards him.

"It'll stop soon..." he assured him and gently covered Nicky's clenched fists with his own hands. They stood like that for a moment. Bobby's heartbeat accelerated, waiting for a reaction from his son. He wanted the noise to stop; to ease the agony and fear that he saw in Nicky's face. He turned his head as he saw his mom get to her feet.

"What's the matter? Will he be okay?" her tone was concerned and sympathetic. Bobby looked at her.

"As soon as the noise stops," he promised her. He felt Nicky trembling and looked back at him. His eyes were almost wild. It had to be sheer torture for him. He wanted it to stop, please God make it stop…Bobby closed his eyes and waited, the mantra whispering through his mind. Finally it did. He opened his eyes and felt rather than saw the tension ease out of his child. Gently he removed his hands and watched as Nicky did likewise. His movements were slow and cautious, as if he wasn't quite sure whether the noise had stopped completely. Bobby smoothed a hand through his son's unruly curls and sighed. Crisis averted.

Frances watched Bobby pack Nicky's books away into his backpack. The juice bottle and plastic box followed. Slowly he straightened. He turned to look at her and she went towards him. Her eyes were wide; seeing how he was with his son had unnerved her. His patience and his understanding had silenced anything more that she was going to say to him.

"You're going now?" he nodded. She stood up on tiptoe and touched his face.

"I'll be back next weekend…" then he cast an uncertain look towards Nicky, who had gravitated towards the door and was waiting for his father.

"That's okay. Bring Nicky again. Better still, bring his nurse along too" she watched him roll his eyes.

"Ma…" he chided. She smiled at him.

"I know, I know, she's not his nurse. I don't forget everything" Impulsively she kissed his cheek and she knew she had surprised him.

"I'll see you next weekend" he promised and kissed her this time.

* * *

Kate had gotten back to her apartment later in the afternoon. She checked her cell phone but there were no missed messages. He hadn't called. She spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with chores, paying some bills and waiting for her phone to ring. As he had reminded her, it was her down time and she was supposed to spend it doing things just for her. But she missed him and she missed Nicky. He would be going back to work tomorrow and his long hours would begin again. 

She'd enjoyed spending time with Michael. He had been in an agreeable mood and hadn't been as withdrawn as he could be. He chattered a little bit, thoroughly inspected the yard and all its plants, trees and shrubbery before heading back to his residential home. After she and her parents had waved him goodbye, the familiar sadness set in, of lost potential, of what could have been. It didn't last for long, it never did but it was a poignant reminder all the same.

The front door opened and she looked at Bobby. He looked smart in navy blue suit trousers and a lighter blue shirt, with a navy striped tie. In his hand was a coffee cup. He smiled at her look of surprise.

"Morning" she greeted him.

"Morning yourself" he replied and moved to one side as she came inside.

"Nicky heard you coming up the stairs," he informed her and her eyes widened in surprise.

"That boy has the hearing abilities of a bat. Where is he?"

"In the kitchen. And I know, it's scary sometimes," he turned in time to her moving around him.

"Have a good day yesterday?" he enquired. She unhooked her shoulder bag and smiled at him.

"I did actually. How about you?" _Even though you didn't call me._ She watched Bobby shrug wide shoulders.

"It was okay,"

"How did the visit to see your mother go?" something flickered in his eyes. He sighed and bent his head briefly.

"Someone…a patient…started to scream while we were there…" Kate's eyes darkened in concern.

"Oh no…how was Nicky?" he looked at her.

"Wound up. He covered his ears with his hands but he was on the verge of an all out panic attack" Kate closed her eyes briefly.

"But he didn't, he didn't panic. It was…close but he didn't panic" Kate looked at him and a small smile crossed her face.

"That's good, it showed that he's aware of coping methods, that at least he was trying to use one rather than fly into a blind panic," she told him. She walked towards him. She took his cup from him and dumbfounded, he watched her take a sip. Then she grimaced and handed it back to him.

"Needs sugar" she whispered and he stared after her as she turned and walked into the kitchen.

* * *

Bobby sorted through a sheaf of pink slips. They were messages from informants, various legal offices and a selection of returned phone calls. He sighed. Nothing changed. His world may have been on the verge of falling apart but everyone else's went on as usual. His mind went to Janette and he frowned. He needed to call her, to talk about Nicky and hope to God that she would understand. 

"What's up?" he lifted his head and looked at his partner. He sat down and sorted through the messages in order of importance. He briefly shook his head.

"Nothing important…" he muttered, still thinking about Janette.

"Is Nicky okay?" he glanced at her again and just nodded.

"He's…he's fine" he gathered up his messages and shoved them into his jacket pocket "I…I have to make a phone call" he told her and walked away. Alex watched him go and she wondered why he couldn't have done that from his desk?

"Bobby!" Janette sounded breathless and he frowned slightly.

"I didn't drag you away from anything important did I?"

"No, no…nothing that can't wait. Is it about Nicky?" his frown became deeper at the mention of their son and again he quelled down the sense of resentment that she wanted contact with him after all this time.

"Yeah…yeah it is. I can't discuss it right now…can..." he took a deep breath "can we meet up? Say for lunch?" his heart tripped in his chest at the ensuing silence after his invitation.

"Today?"

"Preferably" He heard her sigh. An inner voice wondered why she would prevaricate, it was about Nicky, shouldn't she be dropping everything?

"Sure Bobby. I can meet you today. What time?" Bobby glanced at his watch and saw it was a little after nine.

"How about one? I could meet you in the foyer here" he suggested.

"At the police building?"

"I'm on the clock Janette, if my phone doesn't ring I'll have an hour. Take it or leave it" he retorted, beginning to get just a little bit annoyed. She huffed out a sigh.

"Alright, at the police building for one"

"If I'm held up, I'll call you" he informed her and then disconnected the call.

Janette stared at the telephone receiver as she slowly replaced it. Bobby wanted to meet? He wanted to talk about Nicky and she wondered whether he'd reached a decision about letting her see him.

She went into the huge family kitchen and looked to where her other children were gathered. Peter Jr was six, Jason was five and Lily was the youngest at four. All possessed her dark hair and dark coloured eyes and looks-wise, Nicky would fit right in. She listened to their chatter with half an ear as she cleared the breakfast table and dumped the dishes into the sink. She would rinse them later, when her scattered thoughts began to make more sense.

The nanny appeared a little later and took the children upstairs to help them get ready for the day. She could hear Peter and Jason shouting at each other from their respective bedrooms and she knew that she should really remind them not to do that but her mind was still full of other things. Her eldest child. Her first-born.

Giving up her son had been the toughest decision of her life.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I'll be posting this chapter up in two parts as FF Net is being a nightmare in allowing it to be uploaded intact. This first part is Janette's story of meeting Bobby and falling pregnant with Nicky. Chapter Twenty will follow immediately afterwards. All errors are my own, factual as well as grammatical. Thanks to Mary T for the inspiration for this chapter. All thoughts and feedback appreciated as always.

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen:**

_O'Malley's bar was heaving at this time of year. She felt conspicuous walking in alone, and she was still pissed at Sammy for dumping her tonight. She'd been looking forward to seeing him, to spending a little one on one time with him but considering he had a wife to consider, something had to give and it would seem that she was the 'something'. She frowned and hoisted her purse further along her shoulder and again she cursed him under her breath._

_She saw him sitting at the bar. He was huddled over a glass of something, she would have to guess at scotch and there was an aura of solitude about him. The bar tender delivered her drink to her and she sipped at it and kept the stranger in her sights. He seemed to be oblivious to the party like atmosphere exploding all around him and that made her curious. He kept his head down and sipped occasionally at his drink. He didn't make eye contact with anyone except the bar tender and that was to refill his glass. _

_It was one of those times when he lifted his head that he glanced her way. Their eyes held for a moment and Janette felt her heart bounce in her chest as those dark eyes of his scanned her face. He wasn't conventionally handsome, but there was something…interesting about him all the same. His dark brown hair was an overlong tangle of curls and he was casually dressed in a dark coloured shirt and leather jacket. His long, elegant fingers were bare of jewellery but that wasn't a confirmation that there wasn't a significant other in his life. If he was indeed married, then what was he doing here the night before Christmas Eve? The stranger then returned his attention to his drink and she felt curiously disappointed. She picked up her glass and took a sip, keeping her eyes on the bar instead._

"_Can I buy you a drink?" the voice was low, husky and close to her ear. Janette started slightly and lifted her head. The stranger now occupied the vacant stool beside her. She swallowed and ignored the butterflies that trembled in her stomach. His eyes were a deep, impenetrable brown. She just nodded and watched him wave the barman over. _

"_Two more…" he indicated both glasses. As the bar tender walked away, he turned his head her way and she was acutely aware of him taking her in and she tamped down the urge to squirm under his gaze._

"_I'm Bobby…Bobby Goren," he introduced and held out a hand. Taken by surprise, Janette took it. It was huge and easily engulfed her own._

"_Janette Cole" she replied. The hand was warm; the handshake was brief._

_Their drinks arrived. He wasn't one for conversation. She wondered whether he was just shy._

"_So…it's almost Christmas…you're here… alone…" he began and she smiled and rolled her eyes._

"_Too corny huh?" his voice held a tinge of amusement and she looked at him. She just shrugged one shoulder._

"_So…what are you doing, drinking by yourself at Christmas?" he asked her. _

"_I could ask you the same question," she pointed out. The amusement slipped out of his face and he took to scrutinising the contents of his glass again. _

"_Ah. Well that's a story you don't want to hear right now" he told her. She regarded him curiously and then moved slightly closer to him._

"_Then you either hate Christmas or you got dumped," she told him. She watched him lift his glass and take a sip before replying_

"_Not dumped and I don't hate Christmas…not really…" he lowered the glass to the bar and rubbed a hand across his face and then propped an elbow on the smooth surface and rested his head against the same hand. He looked at her._

"_It's one of those holidays that I prefer not to celebrate, that's all" he admitted and her eyes widened marginally._

"_Wait, you're not a Jehovah's Witness are you?" That made him smile and it was so sudden that it startled her. He shook his head._

"_No I'm not. So what about you?"_

"_What about me?" _

"_Hating Christmas or you got dumped?" she regarded him._

"_Are you always this honest?" _

"_Always. C'mon, answer the question" As she gave pause, he beckoned over the bartender again and ordered two more drinks. She sighed raggedly._

"_Okay. I got dumped," she confessed. His eyes widened marginally._

"_You did huh? Well it's his loss" She looked away from him, feeling her cheeks heat up with a blush. She didn't tell him the complete story, that he was a married man._

_"You think so?" her attention returned to his face and she took in the high cheekbones, the deep brown eyes and she felt the tingle of attraction. He smiled again, not so vividly this time but she felt the tingle grow into something else. Maybe this holiday wouldn't be such a wash-out after all. _

* * *

_She lost count of how many drinks she'd consumed but she knew Bobby had kept up with her. Her head was spinning when she followed him into his apartment. He had told her that he lived just around the corner and that she could trust him, he was a cop. And here she was. _

"_You need coffee" he told her and made to head towards his tiny kitchenette. She knew what she needed and it wasn't coffee. She reached out and caught his belt and tugged. He staggered back slightly and then turned and regarded her. She went into his embrace, her knees sagging slightly. He caught her and braced her weight. _

"_What? You don't want coffee?" his voice was low and deliciously husky. She looked into his eyes and then slowly shook her head. _

"_Janette…" any further words were muffled as she leaned into him and kissed him. Silence reigned for a moment or two. She gripped the front of his jacket and he was frowning when they eventually came up for air. _

_She opened her eyes and squinted at the bright light pouring through the partially open curtains. Her head began a slow pound and she turned her head slowly and she looked at him. He lay on his stomach, his head turned away from her, an arm hugging his pillow around his head. For a moment she regarded him and she remembered last night. Consuming a lot of alcohol had definitely not slowed him down last night. Sammy was useless after three or four beers. At the thought of him, she felt the guilt begin to work its way through her. Oh God. Slowly she sat up and keeping a careful eye on him, she slipped out of bed. She tiptoed around the bedroom, collecting discarded items of clothing and disappearing into the bathroom to dress. _

_He was still sleeping when she emerged from the bathroom. Again she stood and watched him, his hair a dark tangle against the white pillow. She was tempted to leave him a note, a phone number maybe, but in the cold light of day she realised that it really wouldn't be a good idea and that she should see this for what it really was, a one night stand, a meeting of two strangers lost in misery and loneliness who just happened to connect in a busy bar. She sighed quietly and deeply. It was a pity because he'd been great company, was really good-looking and incredible between the sheets. She paused again before making herself turn and walk away and quietly let herself out of the apartment._

_Valentine's Day found her alone with a positive pregnancy test. She stared at it in cold horror. Bobby had used a condom and she hadn't seen never mind slept with Sammy since. He'd dropped off the radar and stayed off. She'd had her period before Christmas, which meant that unless the Immaculate Conception was now indeed fact, she was pregnant and Bobby Goren was the father. She sat on the toilet seat and continued to stare at the little wand in her hand. He had said he was a cop, but he hadn't mentioned what precinct or in what borough. She couldn't even remember where he lived. She swallowed. _

_She stayed in a state of shock for several days while she pondered her options. There was no way she could have an abortion, she couldn't live with the guilt no matter what her beliefs were. But was she really strong enough, mature enough to bring up a child by herself? She had always seen herself as a mom some day, but some day had always been in the distant future. She would have a loving husband and a nice home first, not this. What if she tracked Bobby down and told him about the impending baby, would he be able to provide her with all of that? She doubted it. There was no shame in being a single mother, not if she was a good, caring kind mom and she could do that. She absolutely believed that she could. _

_After that she went into nesting mode. She attended all her pre-natal appointments, followed a healthy diet and took her vitamins. She looked forward to finally meeting this child. She sat in her apartment after work each night and stroked her swelling belly and made all sorts of plans. She wondered whether her baby would look like her or Bobby? Was her baby a potential President, or First Lady? A Doctor, a teacher…the possibilities were endless. She wanted this child to have everything that she never did, and somehow she would make it happen. A voice at the back of her mind nagged at her to try and find Bobby, he at least deserved to know that he was going to be a father, but the more selfish part of her ignored the insidious whisper, this was her child, hers alone and she would raise him or her just fine._

_By the time her due date came and went, she was enormous. More than one person had enquired as to whether she was expecting twins but the ultrasound had assured her that there was only one baby in there, albeit a big one. _

_And it would figure that he would be late, and he was, a whole seven days late before he decided to make his entrance into the world. The labour was agony, she felt as though she was being ripped apart from the inside, the birth pains brutal and endless but after thirty hours he was born, screaming his head off. Janette had collapsed against the pillows utterly exhausted, very sore and in need of stitches but the moment her little boy was placed in her arms, she fell in love, the pain of the delivery fast becoming a distant memory. _

_She named him Nicholas, it suited him somehow and right away she saw the proof of his paternity with her own eyes. Thick black hair, the shape of his eyes, the curve of his lower lip, it was all there. This was Bobby Goren's son. _


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: This is the second part of the previous chapter. Janette is trying to cope with new parenthood alone and wondering what it is that she's doing wrong. Some of this is from personal experience but not all of it. I wrote this out of emotion, not factual or grammatical accuracy, so apologies if both occur, they are my own. Again it's told in flashback. All thoughts appreciated as always :) Again, thanks to Mary T for the ideas and the inspiration :)

* * *

**Chapter Twenty:**

_It was hard from the very beginning. Nicholas cried a lot, from morning til night and nothing seemed to pacify him. Even when he did eventually sleep, he seemed very restless, as though he was uncomfortable in his own skin. She told herself that all newborns found it hard to be in the outside world, that he would need time to find his place, his rhythm and when he did, he would become more centred but it never seemed to happen. He barely slept at night as it was and the lack of sleep slowly turned her into a walking zombie, and because she was doing this by herself, she had nobody to take up the slack. Nobody wanted to take care of this wriggling, restless screaming child. Her doctor and her paediatrician told her that some babies were like this, had more energy than other children and she had to accept that he was a challenge. That made her feel resentful because all she wanted to do was to love him and to take care of him but he was making it so difficult. _

_By the time he turned a year old, he changed again as the anger seemed to disappear. Nicholas became quiet, detached and almost apathetic. Janette got the impression that now he'd gotten his anger at the outside world out of his system he was just going to let it pass him by. _

_She waited for the milestones. He walked at a year old, just got on his feet and tottered across the living floor without a clue to his intention. He hadn't cruised or crawled, he seemed to have made up his mind that he was going to walk, and walk he did. _

_It was a little later that she realised that he almost always didn't speak. He communicated by grunting at her, if he wanted something specifically then he would grasp her by her wrist and take her towards what he wanted and he would use her hand to point at the desired object. If she called him by his name, he didn't turn his head, he barely acknowledged her. He carried a wooden red building block in one hand. It went everywhere with him and she would watch him as he stared at it intensely, as if waiting for it to reveal its secrets to him. God help her if she tried to take it off him, he flew into the most terrifying rages. _

_If she had to be honest, then she had known almost from then that he was different but knowing and accepting were two entirely different things. He kept to himself in the park, he wasn't curious in the slightest about the other kids and he was especially territorial about the sandbox. He didn't like to share anything within his grasp and often she had to lift her raging son out of the sand, filled with humiliating anger as he'd yet again reacted with outrage if another child had dared to enter his sandbox. Whatever was closest was thrown at the intruder and Nicholas was never ever remorseful. _

_There were many nights where Janette sat in their tiny little apartment and she would just cry. She was scared of what the future would hold for them both. She was terrified that there was something wrong with her son and that she wouldn't be able to fix it. She loved him with every ounce of her being but she wondered whether he knew that she existed outside of the fact that she saw to his every need and whim. Did he know that she was his mother? Did he really know? If she disappeared, would he miss her? _

* * *

_Nobody knew what was wrong with him. Some thought that it was a phase and she argued with them that if it was indeed a phase then it had started with his birth and showed no signs of disappearing. The more hopeless the answers then the more desperate she became and equally more disenchanted. She didn't know how much of this she could endure. She wanted this remote little boy to acknowledge her in some way, even if it was just a smile, a look or a hug, she didn't care. She just wanted a sign, or something, anything to know that she mattered to him._

_He was a big boy by the time he turned three and strong with it. He still didn't sleep through the night; he still wore diapers and wouldn't entertain the idea of potty training. He alternated between complete passivity and rage tantrums that left her exhausted and the apartment in tatters. She had no idea what to do next._

_She thought about Bobby on and off, wondered what he was doing with his life, whether he ever thought about her and their one night together. She doubted it; one-night stands were best left forgotten. She often thought about making a concerted effort in looking for him, to tell him about their son and ask him to take on some of the responsibility. She never took the thought any further than that. More than likely he would deny being his father anyway and that was a battle she could do without in her life. _

* * *

_It was the summer before his fifth birthday that she finally reached her limit. The mild depression that had continually hovered over her finally swamped her and enveloped her. She couldn't find her way out of it, every day was an ordeal that never changed, didn't seem to want to change and this time she was powerless to fight it off. It was so black and overpowering that she just didn't have the energy to fight it. She had given up finding answers to her questions, she wanted it to stop, to go away and never come back. The love that she felt for her son was slowly turning to resentment. She had tried her best, she had loved him and tried to be the perfect mom for him but it was becoming a wasted effort; Nicky was so deeply entrenched in his own world that nothing else, nobody else mattered to him, he was unreachable._

_Wendy Foster saw the desperation in the young woman's eyes, observed her son's behaviour and realised what was happening. It was Wendy Foster who mentioned the possibility of Nicky being autistic._

_Janette sat and listened as the Child Welfare Officer explained the disorder, the symptoms and the prognosis and tears flooded her eyes and slipped down her face when she realised that they fit her son to a tee. She had seen countless doctors and physicians who had been completely baffled and it had taken this lady to recognise her son as having a disability. Anger mixed with the desolation and quickly faded to be replaced by ever familiar numbness. As Wendy went on to explain, autism was a 'last resort' diagnosis, once upon a time it was very rare but nowadays it was becoming more recognisable as the root to a lot of behavioural problems. She had been incredibly unlucky in not getting her son diagnosed before now; some children weren't diagnosed until they were much, much older._

"_Does Nicholas's father have any part in his son's life?" she asked her. She watched as she wiped at her face._

"_He…he doesn't know about him…" she admitted in a husky voice and this made her frown._

"_He doesn't know or doesn't __**want**__ to know about him?" Janette lifted her head and looked at her and Wendy saw the flare of guilt. _

"_He doesn't know" The older woman sighed raggedly. _

"_Maybe he should be told? Then he can help out and take some of the weight off you. You're very depressed and you desperately need help in this situation, maybe his presence will help somehow?" _

"_Why would he want to help him? I mean, look at him, he's damaged…he barely acknowledges me, he doesn't speak, he doesn't know I exist, how is the presence of his father going to change that?" the angry words burst out of her and she slapped her hand across her mouth to halt them. _

"_He might not be able to help your son, but he could help you. You are what is important here. We can make inroads in getting a diagnosis for Nicholas and once that's underway then we can make enquiries about getting you some help, financially, with his future education…with…" her words faltered when Janette started to shake her head fiercely. _

"_I…can't….I can't do this anymore" she admitted and that seemed to be the undoing of her. _

"_What do you mean Janette? Of course you do, you're Nicholas's mother, he needs you" Janette rolled teary eyes in disbelief. Wendy shuffled forwards in her chair and fixed her with an intense look._

"_He might not show it in the most conventional of ways, but he does need you. He relies on routines, things being the same…"_

"_Then let his father do that for him. I…can't. I just can't do it anymore…" _

_"Yes you can, you have to" Janette shook her head._

"_No I don't. I don't have to do anything anymore. His father's name is Robert Goren; he's a cop here in New York. You find him and you tell him about his son"_

"_Janette!" she breathed in shock. Janette seemed to take a very deep breath. _

"_I'm sorry, I'm so…so... sorry but I've had enough, I'll sign any papers you want…I'm done…here…" Wendy reached towards her and grasped her wrist as she made to stand up. _

"_You can't walk away from your son, you'll live to regret it. Right now, you're extremely tired, very depressed and let down by society as a whole. You need to rest. How about we look for Mr Goren, explain the circumstances and maybe he could have temporary custody until you feel ready to resume your responsibilities?" she suggested. _

"_He would never agree to that. He might be married with a family of his own now, we were never married or in a relationship, he might decide to have nothing to do with him!" she argued. Wendy regarded her, so Janette did care what happened to her child, even just a little bit. _

"_He also might step up to the plate and embrace his responsibilities Janette. I can make preliminary enquiries into his whereabouts and his situation. In the meantime, what about short term foster care for Nicholas?" She watched Janette Cole look at her son, who sat on the floor between them, oblivious to them and to his surroundings, a bright red juice bottle in his hand that he stared at. The look she gave Wendy Foster became clearer then._

"_Okay. Find his father. Do whatever it takes." She looked back at her child and her pain was visible to those who cared to look._

"_I'm sorry Nicky," she whispered._


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for the reviews for the last couple of chapters. They are always much appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-One:**

Janette paced when she was nervous and right now nothing could quell the nerves jumping around in her stomach. Bobby had called her; Bobby had wanted to see _her_.

Seeing Nicky in the park had resurrected a lot of memories, very few of them good but she did remember that one emotion she had felt on seeing him again, before dealing with the stresses of his life that had threatened to overwhelm her. It had been pure love. Bobby had asked her if she had known what the stress of raising an autistic child was like and she wished that she had told him, yes she knew exactly what it had been like but back then she hadn't realised that he was autistic. She just remembered that Bobby had been awe-inspiring in his righteous anger. She could imagine that he could be just as awe inspiring in an interrogation room and she had to admit that Nicky would forever have a father who would champion him unquestioningly in whatever life threw at him. It was too late for regrets, but she wished that she had made more of an effort to try and find him back then, maybe she wouldn't be in this mess, in this quagmire of emotions and responsibility.

"Janette?" she spun around when she heard Bobby's voice. She saw him walking towards her and again she was reminded of how different he looked in a suit and tie with neatly trimmed hair. He looked a million miles away from the slightly scruffy Narcotics cop she'd met almost fourteen years before.

"Hey Bobby" she met him part way.

"Thanks for coming"

"Thanks for calling me" she replied. There was an awkward pause. She saw him look at her and there was an aura of…repressed movement about him. He was tense.

"Do you have time to grab some…lunch?" she suggested.

"Uh…sure" he replied.

"There's a coffee shop nearby. I hear its good," she pointed towards the exit and he nodded.

"Just in case your phone rings," she reminded him.

* * *

It was a coffee shop that he'd visited a few times in the past and quite frankly he was amazed to find a vacant table at the height of the lunch crowd rush hour. It was a small table, big enough for only two. He paused and watched as she took a seat. To the casual observer it spoke volumes about intimacy and he took a deep breath before sitting down. A waitress arrived and they both ordered coffee.

Even though he had requested this meeting, his stomach churned. Seated across from her he could see some of Nicky in her. Kate said that he was a clone of him but now seeing Janette and remembering their brief time together, he wasn't too sure that was the truth any more. He remembered her lawyer, looked at the expensive yet elegant clothing that she wore and knew she wore her wealth well. He swallowed and was reminded that she was in a position now to give Nicky anything and everything he could possibly need or want. Heck, his school fees would be pocket change to her now. He swallowed once more.

"What did you want to talk about?" he looked at her and recognised the breathy tone to her voice; it was one of expectancy.

"Nicky… Janette…I'm here to talk about our…son" he was uncomfortable labelling her as such.

"You've reached a decision" It wasn't even a question to her, her tone was confident and it rankled with him. He frowned.

"You gave him up Janette…voluntarily" he brutally reminded her and he watched the sparkle fade from her eyes

"I had my reasons…"

"Why don't we revisit those reasons huh?" He saw the faint frown lines form between her eyebrows.

"Let's not Bobby…" He felt some of his old anger and long contained resentment begin to struggle free from its tightly controlled box.

"He's a human being…for all of his problems…he deserves respect. You never made any attempt to get back in touch til now, til you were financially able to…" he knew he was being unfair and he felt like a heel as her eyes widened and she sat back a little in her chair.

"Did you ask me here just to yell at me? Because believe me, everything you've told me, all my faults and failures as a mother I'm aware of and I've blamed myself over and over for leaving him" she retaliated in a harsh whisper.

"I know I haven't seen him for eight years Bobby but it doesn't mean that I haven't thought about him because I have…and I do…every single day but back then it was hard, so…hard to raise him…to love him on my own. I got nothing back from him; he didn't look at me…he didn't reach for me for a hug or ask for me when he was sick or in pain. He was just so locked in, all of the time. And you can only take so much of that" the anger suddenly abated and she stared at him with wide, shocked eyes.

"Been a while in coming, huh? Feel better now?" she could only manage a nod, tears threatening dangerously. She watched him take something out of his jacket pocket and pass it over the table to her. It was a cloth handkerchief. She felt weirdly touched by the gesture. He waited as she delicately dabbed her eyes.

"Actually…I didn't come here to yell at you…I'm…sorry about that…but I did want to talk to you…about Nicky" He lifted his head as a waitress arrived with their coffee orders. He waited as they were served. By the time she was done, Janette had regained her composure. He picked up his cup and took a sip of his coffee.

"After the park…" he placed his cup back on the table. He looked at her again.

"Nicky…I think he recognised your voice…his reaction later…well it wasn't a good one"

"I didn't expect him to remember…"

"You're his mother. Like you said, it's hard to read him sometimes, to know what he's thinking or processing around him, but he's not reacting well to seeing you again. He hasn't slept properly since, he's been disruptive and…upset. He also asked…not to see you again" he watched as her eyes widened again.

"He said that?" she watched Bobby nod.

"A lot has happened to him recently Janette, he needs the time to absorb it all and I think you need to take a big step back, for his sake" she was still staring at him in some kind of stunned disbelief. He frowned slightly.

"What? You...you think I'm making this up? Ask Kate, she'll tell you how he's been"

"Kate?"

"His helper, for want of a better description…" Enlightenment suddenly dawned.

"Oh, the lady at the park who he was with, at the sandbox" Bobby just nodded.

"He seems to like her"

"He does. She works at his school, they have a bond"

"Which was something we never really developed" she tacked on sadly. Bobby sat forwards so that his elbows rested on the table.

"Kate has an autistic brother, it's an automatic thing for her and Nicky picked up on it. I'm just as surprised as you are about it but he seems to really like her," he explained.

"So he doesn't need me in his life" Bobby's eyes widened.

"You haven't been a part of his life for eight years Janette, how many times do I have to remind you of that?"

"And I have every right to change my mind Bobby and I have"

"Because you have money now. If you were still in the same situation before you married, would you be sitting here with me ...wanting to see him? Money may have changed you but it _won't_ change Nicky and we've been doing very well without you"

"I gave birth to him…"

"And you also _abandoned_ him" he saw the hurt in her eyes.

"I didn't _abandon_ him because I was bored, or didn't care, I didn't abandon him… I just couldn't do it anymore. Haven't you ever felt like that before?" she demanded. He regarded her steadily.

"No. I never have, because he's my son and he needs me. It was hard at the beginning, e…establishing a relationship but that's the thing with me Janette, if I see something worth fighting for then I never give up. Never"

"And you seem to have done a great job of it too. But you can't have done it single-handed" He tilted his head to the side in enquiry.

"I did. I have done. For the last eight years, it's just been him and me. Everything that he has now, a good place at his school, the structure in his life, I've fought for. I had child welfare services on my back for months because they were convinced that because I was a cop then I couldn't possibly be able to cope …but I did. We did. If you upset that order in his life Janette, it could set him back and do..._irreparable_ harm" She saw the intensity of his gaze.

"I wish I'd looked for you when I found out I was pregnant with him" she murmured.

"And why didn't you?"

"We had a one night stand, all we knew were each other's names and the fact that you were a cop. This is a hell of a big city in case you've forgotten"

"I hadn't. You should've tried harder, you would've found me eventually"

"Before his diagnosis, it didn't bother me, he was mine, my responsibility. I figured because I didn't have a dad and I was okay, Nicky would be the same" And look how that had ended up. Bobby just regarded her and he flinched when his cell began to chirrup into life. Janette watched him take it out of his jacket pocket and look at it.

"It's my partner, I have to go…" he delved into his trouser pocket and pulled out a billfold. He extracted some money and dropped it down onto the table in between them.

"Please…think about what we talked about…I don't want this to go to court, but it doesn't mean that I won't if I'm pushed hard enough…we're…well we're doing okay as we are" She watched him.

"I'll…I'll think about it" she replied huskily and that pensive look returned to his face.

"Well that's something I guess" he murmured and left her alone.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Apologies for the long update. This fic is going to go in a slightly different direction. I'm bringing in a well known CI character, i'm sure you'll guess who it is. All relevant characters belong to Dick Wolf et al. All errors though, belong to me. Thoughts as always are appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Two: **

He opened the door and immediately the smell of dinner cooking assaulted his senses and his stomach growled traitorously. He rubbed his stomach as he closed the door. His day had been exhausting and all his worrying about facing Janette had left him feeling slow. He didn't know how she would react to his request, for all he knew she could show up at Major Case tomorrow with an army of top lawyers and he'd essentially be screwed. He headed towards the kitchen and almost had heart failure when he saw Nicky standing beside the stove, stirring something in a saucepan. At the same time Kate emerged from behind the kitchen door with some plates in her arms. The smile that she gave him was huge, warm and it infused his tired soul.

"Hey, you're on time!" she swung around and placed the plates onto the kitchen table and went to check on Nicky. She took the wooden spoon from him and continued with the stirring. Nicky moved towards the table and awkwardly began to set three places. Bobby turned stunned eyes Kate's way to see her watching him, still smiling but with pride, enjoying his surprise.

"We've been practising all afternoon," she told him quietly. She watched as he came to stand beside her. Still surprised, he turned his head back at the table, seeing his red plate and juice cup set out beside the regular plates and silverware. They were a little skewed but the intention was clear.

"I done now Kate" Nicky announced and Kate smiled at him.

"Good job Nicky" she told him.

"Good job" he parroted, looking at the settings. Bobby had to admit that his son looked inordinately pleased with himself.

The three of them ate dinner together and Bobby could barely take his eyes off either of them. This was as close as it got to being a normal family, enjoying a meal together. He listened as Kate spoke to Nicky, he admired her patience when it took his son a little while to answer and not always satisfactorily, but at least he tried. He watched her face and he saw her interest in his son, in what he had to say and it touched him. At that moment in time she looked at him. He could barely manage a smile.

Nicky did his usual disappearing act after dinner and Bobby had volunteered to wash up. Kate stood beside him and watched him, standing in front of the sink with the sleeves of his shirt rolled up past his elbows, his tie long gone, the top button unfastened.

"Are you okay Bobby?" she kept her voice low and he glanced at her as he placed a plate on the drainer.

"Why do you ask?"

"You're quiet," she answered and he just nodded slowly to himself.

"I've had a lot on my mind"

"Yeah, you have, I hope you can talk to me about it?" He opened his mouth to say something and sighed quietly instead.

"It's…ah…I'm not good at talking about…" he shrugged. She placed a hand on his back and he swore he could feel it burn through to his skin.

"I can listen," she volunteered.

"I know you can, and you have done… I'm just not ready to…not right now, okay?" he watched her nod as she rubbed his back slowly. It was only a gesture but it was enough to make him drop the knife he'd been scrubbing back into the soapy water.

"Whenever you're ready" she answered and he missed her hand when she removed it.

* * *

July drifted into August and the heat wave intensified. Its all-encompassing heat was vampire like, draining its victims of energy and good humour. The city was like an oven set at the highest temperature and Kate longed to leave. If Bobby could get some time off, maybe she could persuade him to visit with her to her parents, allowing Nicky the opportunity to explore wide open spaces with relative safety.

Slowly they were opening Nicky to new experiences, just the other day he had spent a pleasurable day at her apartment and she'd watched him investigate every nook, cranny and corner before being agreeable to staying there. She'd seen the expression on Bobby's face as they'd stepped over the threshold. He'd been a little uncomfortable and worried about Nicky being someplace new. If he had broken anything, and he hadn't, it would be replaceable. She had gone through the place prior to their visit and put away anything fragile enough not to survive the investigation skills of Nicky Goren. She felt the visit had gone well and slowly but surely Bobby relaxed until his phone had rang and he had to go into work. It happened, he told her that the increasing temperatures tested the patience of the most easy going of people and as a result his workload almost always went up at this time of the year.

The fans were working overtime trying to keep the bullpen cool but they were fighting a losing battle. Bobby squirmed uncomfortably as he felt sweat trickle down his back. He glanced across to Eames and envied her the singlet top that she wore. He usually took pride in his appearance, in that wearing the suit meant something, that he was somebody but in weather like this, well his appreciation waned a little bit. He sighed quietly and unfastened the top button of his shirt, loosening his tie at the same time. He flinched slightly as his phone rang. God, did it ever end? he wondered as he reached across to answer it.

* * *

Kate stared up at the cloudless sky and sighed quietly. She then returned her attention to Nicky who was slowly and carefully making his way through a complex looking climbing frame. It had taken her twenty minutes this morning to convince him to wear his baseball cap and another ten minutes to get him to stand still long enough so that she could slather sun block over every bit of exposed skin. He hadn't liked the experience of standing still very much and enjoyed the sensation of the cream being rubbed into his skin even less. Now he was feeling a little crabby. She adjusted the strap of his backpack more comfortably on her shoulder. Maybe he'd be more amenable to the idea of ice cream before heading back to the apartment for lunch.

"This heat is a killer isn't it?" It was the English accent that caught her attention. Kate turned her head towards the voice. A woman stood a couple of feet away from her. She was of average height with shoulder length blonde hair and looked cool and collected in a white cotton summer dress and wide brimmed sun hat. Next to her, Kate definitely felt wilted.

"Yeah, that it is" she turned her attention back to Nicky who still clambered and climbed, oblivious to the others around him. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the blonde edge closer to her.

"Thank God for places like these…I swear my kids were driving me insane cooped up in our apartment" Kate looked at her again and she wondered which were her kids. The park was busy today; obviously everyone had had the same idea.

"How many kids do you have?" Kate asked her. The blonde rolled her brown eyes and smiled.

"Three, and they're exhausting," she confessed and Kate smiled.

"Try teaching eight of them and I'll tell you how exhausting it can be" she confided and she saw the surprise in the other woman's eyes.

"Oh you're a teacher?" she exclaimed, her voice lively with interest.

"Well I'm a teaching assistant…to children with communication and social based disorders, mainly on the autistic spectrum. It's a challenge but a reward too"

"Wow. I applaud your dedication.Is your son autistic?" Kate looked back at the climbing frames and saw Nicky standing beneath them, flapping his hands and rocking backwards and forwards on the spot.

"He's not my son…I just take care of him while his father works" she told her. Nicky chose that moment to turn and look at Kate and on seeing her, loped over.

"Nicky done now. Go home" he informed her.

"Okay, let's get going" she turned to say goodbye but the woman had gone. Kate turned more fully around but couldn't see her anywhere.

"Weird" she murmured.

"Nicky go now" Nicky interrupted impatiently and Kate looked at him.

"Okay, okay, we're going, we're going" she replied on a sigh.

* * *

She had a knack for merging into crowds, for disappearing into the ether, that was why Bobby had never managed to find her. She always saw him on her terms and she was proud of that. She stood beneath the shade of the tree and watched the woman, Kate she thought her name was, walk away and out of the park. Nicky ambled along happily beside her. They had quite a unique camaraderie and she watched it with a jaundiced eye. She watched them until they were out of sight. She smiled to herself. Her boss had come back from her appointment looking so…disappointed, so deflated. She'd known instinctively that it hadn't gone well. Slowly but surely she'd prised the story out of her. She'd gotten within a grasp of her son and she had been forced to take a frustrating step backwards. She looked at her watch. She needed to get back.to work.

**_tbc..._**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. This chapter is heading towards an M rating. For adult type themes. Errors are mine. You know the rest. All thoughts appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Three:**

Nicky was asleep in bed by the time Bobby got back. He let himself into his apartment and listened to the silence. Quietly he closed the door and went into the living room. Kate was stretched out on the sofa and she was sleeping. The window was open very slightly as if to let in cooler air, but even at this time of night, the heat was muggy, uncomfortable and enveloping. He put away his folder and shrugged off his jacket. He pulled off his tie and began to unbutton his shirt. Right about now a shower sounded like heaven and with that in mind, he headed towards the bathroom.

The cool water that sluiced over him was indeed heaven and he sighed, turning his face up towards the showerhead. He was tired. The new case was keeping Eames and himself busy and it had been at her urging that he'd finally called it a day and headed home, otherwise he'd still be there now and lost in work. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the bathroom door open and he started suddenly when the cubicle door opened.

"It's only me" Kate's voice was quiet and he turned around to look at her. She was naked.

"You were asleep," he told her. She looked up at him and she smiled.

"Just resting my eyes. Do you have a problem with my being here?" Instantly his mind emptied of any coherent thought, right now remembering who he was was proving to be difficult.

"Uh…no…not a one" he confessed in a low voice. Her responding smile was feminine and he swallowed. She slipped into the cubicle with him and he stared at her, his heart thudding loudly in his chest.

"And in case you were wondering, Nicky is sleeping soundly. I just checked on him," she told him. He couldn't speak, could barely nod. If he were to be brutally honest, he'd entertained the idea of sharing a shower with Kate more than once in his daydreams but never in a million years did he ever think it would actually happen.

* * *

How much sleep did he actually get last night? Usually he could exist on two or three hours of sleep a night and during Nicky's earliest days, he'd had to. He could usually shake it off with a strong cup of coffee and a dedicated work ethic. That was under most circumstances. It had never been because of a woman before, or at least any _special_ woman before. Therefore today he felt tired, thick headed and lazy. He would've shocked a lot of people if he'd called in sick as he'd been tempted to for oh, all of thirty seconds.

"You okay?" he turned his head at Eames's enquiry. He just nodded and leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. Immediately his thoughts drifted back to the previous night.

He'd been nervous, like a kid on his first time. So many thoughts had crowded through his mind as she'd grasped his wrist and led him out of the bathroom. What if he disappointed her, what if it was all over far too quickly and he had been unable to satisfy her. He had opened his mouth to voice his fears but it was as though she knew because she had hushed him with a finger over his mouth, which she'd then replaced with her own.

Making love with her had reawakened that part of him he'd thought had long been left for dead. As much of a cliché as that sounded, it had felt like a reality and because of him feeling that way, it had been the reason why he hadn't gotten much sleep and why he felt so confused internally. He opened his eyes and forced himself to concentrate on the life milling around outside of the SUV right now. He gave his head a little shake; he was out of practice that was all. He wasn't going to freak out and over analyse everything. Their relationship had taken a crucial step forward and he was going to try and enjoy it and hope to God he didn't mess it up.

* * *

She made sure that Nicky was settled with his books and a drink before she took a quick shower and changed her clothes. She chose a t-shirt and a pair of bright red shorts, drying herself off and changing into them quickly. Last night had been an unexpected pleasure. She'd heard the shower go on and had lain there for a second or two, contemplating what she was about to do with some trepidation. She had wanted to be with him badly, in that whatever they had shared, she had wanted more and she was sure he felt the same but for some reason hadn't taken that first step. He'd told her that he wanted their first time together to be special, but if she had left it up to him then she'd still be waiting. She understood his reasoning why and had respected that but she'd then made her own decision in that sometimes she got impatient. She smiled to herself when she remembered how he had jumped when she'd opened the cubicle door and had stared at her initially with startled eyes but he had liked her bold move, she knew he had. He hadn't told her to leave, maybe she hadn't really given him the opportunity to but he hadn't and she'd taken that as a good thing.

She pulled a comb through her wet hair and decided to forgo the hair dryer. She went into the living room and saw Nicky where she'd left him, sprawled on the sofa, book on his lap and his juice bottle in his hand. Her heart turned over when she recognised familiar dark brown eyes and the frown between his eyebrows.

Barnes and Noble was busy as Kate followed Nicky through the stacks to the kid's section. This was her first visit with him by herself, the past couple of times she'd visited with Bobby. She saw how members of staff greeted him; they were familiar with him and his habits. It was gratifying that she didn't have to explain to strangers why Nicky behaved the way that he did. She watched him examine a row of titles with meticulous attention before her cell began to ring. She turned away to answer it, the ring tone loud in the hushed atmosphere.

"It's Bobby" she smiled as warmth bloomed through her. Her caller ID had already announced the fact to her but she liked that he told her anyway.

"Where are you?" he continued.

"Book store, you know the one," she murmured and she heard him sigh.

"I do. I'm about five minutes away" she checked her watch and saw it was just after noon.

"You're taking a lunch break?"

"Yeah…the case we're working on is driving me nuts, I needed to get out. I'll meet you there in a couple of minutes"

"Okay…" whatever she was about to say died on her lips as a loud thud caught her attention. She turned around and fear pulsed through her when she saw that Nicky was in a corner, the book he'd obviously been carrying was now on the floor. In front of him were two boys she'd never seen before and who were easily the same height as Nicky. One of them had his hand on Nicky's chest and wasn't about to let him go any time soon. The fear turned to nausea.

"Oh God, Bobby, you need to get here as quickly as you can" she breathed and broke the connection.

* * *

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" she demanded as she went towards them.

"Are you _responsible_ for this retard?" the taller of the two of them sneered at her. Kate looked at him. Anger flared inside of her. She reached across and got hold of his wrist. She could hear Nicky muttering under his breath, muttering 'don't touch, don't _touch_' over and over again in an increasingly agitated tone.

"For the record, he's autistic and as for that other comment, I really have to question who the actual 'retard' is here, don't you?" she kept her tone calm. He looked at her.

"He was disrespecting me" he sneered, pushing his face into hers. Kate's eyes widened in disbelief as she made a move to stand in front of Nicky and face his tormentor head on.

"For God's sake, how old are you? _ten_? He doesn't even know who you are. You can either let him go or I can let security deal with it, it's your choice" she retorted. Instead of letting go as she'd hoped that he would, he tightened his grip on Nicky's t-shirt.

"He needs to be taught a…" Suddenly he was being propelled backwards with some force and slammed against a book stack. His eyes went wide with fright and became even wider as he stared at the tall man who now stood in front of him. He shaded him by four or five inches, and his expression was one of barely contained fury. He held something in his hand.

"What? A lesson?" he tilted his head to one side as he regarded him " You think he needs to be taught a lesson, for what huh? _Existing?_" He then pressed something into his forehead with just enough pressure to make him stand absolutely still.

"You're what? Sixteen, seventeen years old? He's thirteen. He's autistic…whatever you imagine he did was exactly that…a figment of your imagination" he took a half step backwards and the kid saw that what he had held against his forehead was in fact a police shield. Bobby stood and watched the realisation dawn on him, the fear begin to manifest. He took a deep breath and then nodded.

"Yeah…I'm a cop. That kid you thought was disrespecting you is my son. Bad move…really… bad… move. People like you make me want to puke. You think you own the world, I hope to God that the day you become a father, then you have a son like mine, that'd take you down a peg or two and teach you a thing or two about respect"

"I…I…" Bobby watched as his mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. He took a breath and frowned.

"You know what? I think you owe my son an apology. You disrespected _him_" When the kid made no move, Bobby got in his face again.

"The next time you think about making yourself look good for your buddy over there, do yourself a favour…_don't!_" He took a step backwards and watched the kid turn tail and leave. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. Seeing the kid hold Nicky like that had made him want to tear him apart. He opened his eyes and turned to see Kate talking to Nicky. He was nodding and seemed calm. He swallowed.

"Everything okay detective?" he started at the assistant's voice. He looked at him, he'd materialised seemingly out of nowhere. He just nodded.

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry…if I'd known what they were doing…"

"It's okay, it's been taken care of" He went over to them. Kate turned and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Bobby, I'm so sorry, I didn't see them…" he put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright, like you've told me, you can't watch him all the time. It wasn't your fault" he looked at Nicky. He'd returned his attention back to the bookshelf. Bobby then looked back at her.

"He's okay" he watched how Kate looked at him.

* * *

Interesting. She watched the expression on his face; saw the rage burning in his eyes. It was rage that he was usually careful to keep hidden but it had been there and he'd succeeded in scaring the kid half to death. He'd come to his son's aid and hadn't once raised his voice. She expected the police shield had also helped. She'd been on the receiving end of that anger once or twice during their last couple of encounters and truth be told; it had sent a scared little thrill through her entire body. He could be magnificent in the throes of temper. No doubt he'd be equally magnificent in the throes of passion. Her attention switched to Kate. She wondered whether she'd experienced all that Goren passion and angst for herself yet. She turned her head when she heard familiar childish laughter and she made herself smile as Lily skipped to her, a book in her arms. She smiled as she took it from her.

"You want this one?" the little girl nodded her dark head and she smiled at her. She was a little poppet, absolutely heartbreaking in her childish innocence, gorgeous to look at. Pity it wouldn't last forever.

"We need to find your brothers," she told her and the little girl smiled and skipped away again. She turned her head and saw Nicky hand a book to his father. It didn't escape her notice the way Bobby touched Kate, the way his hand rested between her shoulder blades. The manner was subtle but it was proprietary. Another smile curved her lips. It was very interesting indeed.

**_tbc..._**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews. For this chapter, time lines may be off. This is all for the story's sake, i'm not an expert. Same excuse with the Chief of D's angle...i'm just guessing. All errors are mine, the characters are not, apart from Kate that is. You know what i'm going to say now don't you...all thoughts appreciated, thank you.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Four:**

"Are you okay?" Kate asked him as they exited the store. He glanced at her and nodded briefly.

"Does it happen a lot?"

"No, not really" he admitted. He seemed a little lost in thought.

"Did it happen a lot with Michael?" he asked suddenly.

"Umm…yeah, once in a while but it was when he was older, because he's tall, some people took him to be an easy target…" she shook her head slightly.

"But he had you…" she glanced up at him and smiled briefly and just nodded.

"Yeah, he had me, he still has me. It makes you realise just how disgusting some people can be to others" She guessed that Bobby realised this more than anything. His cell phone began to ring and she heard him curse beneath his breath. They stood still as he took it from his jacket pocket and looked at it. His expression was regretful.

"There goes my lunch break," he told her. She tried to hide her disappointment with a smile instead.

"It happens. I'll see you later" He nodded

"I'd…better get this…" and to her surprise, he pressed a kiss on her lips before turning and flipping open his phone.

* * *

His partner sat at her desk, the remains of a sandwich on her desk. She looked up and stared at him in surprise.

"You're back soon"

"I got a call…you didn't?" she just shook her head and lifted her bottle of water. Bobby turned and looked towards the Captain's office. Deakins lifted his head and when he saw Bobby, he got to his feet. Bobby was already heading towards his office as he opened the door.

"You got a minute Bobby?" it wasn't exactly a request, if the Captain asked you if you had a minute, then you did, whatever was happening. Bobby regarded him dubiously.

"Uh…sure…" he replied and went inside.

Deakins regarded Goren.

" I just got a call from the Chief of D's office" he began and Bobby remained standing where he was and regarded him. The silence between them seemed to overstretch and he resisted the urge to fidget.

"They got a phone call…about using unnecessary force against a kid in Barnes and Noble?" He watched the surprise cross his detective's face. He then watched him shift and then scratch the back of his head.

"Don't tell me it actually happened" Bobby looked at him and then huffed out a sigh.

"It only just…happened…I mean, _just_. I was coming out of the store when I got your call…" he paused and Deakins could see him thinking, wondering who could've made that telephone call. He dropped his hand.

"A kid was picking on my son. His…carer…well we were talking on the phone, I was going to meet them and she told me…that there was a situation. He's my _son_ Captain, how else was I supposed to react?" his voice rose defensively.

"Was it the kid? Actually scratch that, he was sixteen or seventeen years old…he targeted my boy" he felt the ire rise inside of him again and he stopped and reigned it in.

"I make no apologies. I reacted. I identified myself as both a cop and Nicky's father. I did…I did what every other responsible father would do…" he sighed shook his head slightly.

"For your information, it wasn't the kid who called. I don't know who called, apart from he or she being a witness. When the person was asked whether they wanted to make the complaint official, they hung up" Bobby frowned.

"A nuisance call…great" he muttered. Deakins folded his arms and regarded Bobby calmly.

"His office wasn't happy nonetheless Goren. You're a representative of this department and you should act accordingly" he raised a hand as Bobby opened his mouth to protest.

"I know…I know…you acted in defence of Nicky. I would've done the same for my girls too. I'm just toeing the line in reminding you of procedure, that's all. Off the record, the punk probably had it coming. Just be careful in future, okay?" he watched Bobby nod.

* * *

Alex lifted her head when the office door opened. She watched her partner emerge and she frowned at the deep frown that marred his brow. She continued to watch as he dropped down onto his seat and rested his elbows on his desk then leaned forwards to prop his head on his hands.

"What's wrong? What did the Captain want?" she asked. He lifted his face up and looked at her.

" A kid in Barnes and Noble tried to bully Nicky…" he watched his partner's eyes widen.

"I reacted. Don't worry, I didn't hurt the kid, maybe put the fear of God in him but I didn't hurt him…but someone made a complaint…or at least placed a call…when pushed…to make it official… they hung up" Eames frowned.

"Then why call?" Bobby sighed heavily.

"To make my life even more miserable than it already is?" he answered, lowering his head again.

"Oh Bobby…" she chided and he looked at her again. She watched him scrub his hands through his hair for a moment before he straightened in his seat.

"It's just been one damned thing after another" he murmured.

* * *

The story ended and she closed the picture book and remained where she sat and watched as Lucy slept. She couldn't help but watch her sleep; she looked positively angelic. She smiled to herself and got to her feet.

She went downstairs and found Mrs Whittingham alone in the living room. She was nursing a large glass of white wine, a habit she'd only recently started embracing. She lifted her head when she heard her footsteps.

"Lucy go to sleep alright Elizabeth?"

"Almost as soon as her head hit the pillow" Elizabeth replied. A moment passed.

"If that's all…" she began to turn.

"Wait…Elizabeth…" she paused and then turned to look at her. Janette Whittingham looked lonely, depressed and utterly miserable. She wondered how many of those glasses of wine she'd had tonight.

"You don't have to be anywhere in a hurry, do you?" she asked her. Elizabeth swallowed down the urge to smile.

"Absolutely not Mrs Whittingham" she replied and went to sit down.

* * *

Kate closed the book and looked at Nicky.

"Where Dad? Where Bobby?" he enquired.

"At work. He must be very busy" it had been the second day in a row that he had missed his bedtime.

"I miss dad" Nicky sighed. Kate smiled absently.

"He misses you too. Now it's time for you to close your eyes and go to sleep" she instructed him and her smile widened when he screwed his eyes tightly shut and turned onto his side. She straightened his duvet and stood up. As she did, she heard the front door softly close.

"Sounds like your dad is home" she told him.

He was shrugging off his jacket and putting his folder down onto the coffee table when she came into view.

"Am I too late?" his tone was apologetic and Kate smiled.

"Actually you're not. He's still awake and asking for you" she watched as his eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Really? He did?" Kate nodded.

"Uh-huh. He's waiting for you" she responded and watched as he brushed past her.

She was drying dishes when Bobby came into the kitchen. His tie was long gone, the top two buttons of his shirt unfastened. She watched him walk towards her and take the dishtowel out of her hands.

"You've been busy all day, you don't need to do that," he gently chided her.

"I take care of Nicky, that includes feeding him which includes washing dinner dishes," she reminded him.

"I can take care of those" his voice lowered, becoming husky.

"You've been busy all day Detective," she informed him saucily. He rolled his eyes and shook his head at the same time.

"How about you humour the Detective, hmmm?" he watched as she smiled.

* * *

She had waited until the entire family were asleep before she'd sneaked out of the house. Now she stood outside of his apartment block and looked up in time to see a light go out. She looked at the red car that was parked outside of the building. Was the great Detective finally in love? She pondered that possibility. Love made a person vulnerable, she wondered if that was true in his case. They would soon find out.

**_tbc..._**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Thank you for the great reviews. This chapter is the calm before the storm. All errors are my own. As always, thoughts are appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Five:**

She saw the surprise on his face as she parked her car outside of her parent's home. He slowly turned his head and looked at her.

"Your parents live here?" she unfastened her seatbelt and then nodded.

"Yeah. Will that be a problem?" She watched him peer out the window again before looking back at her.

"I hope not. You didn't say…"

"That I was wealthy…I'm not, my dad is…" she opened the door and got out. There was a slight breeze blowing, which helped to reduce the record-breaking temperatures a little. Bobby followed suit, opening the rear passenger door to let Nicky out.

"But…" He stopped and swallowed. He had been a little nervous at the prospect of meeting her parents, now he was _really_ nervous. He watched her walk around the front of her car and towards him.

"They're nice people Bobby, I'm sure you'll get along fine with them" she looked at Nicky who was currently spinning around on the spot. She wondered how he could do that and not get dizzy.

"My mom is looking forward to meeting Nicky" he looked at her, the expression in his brown eyes unreadable.

"You could've told me…"

"Maybe. My dad is retired, my mom stayed at home to take care of Michael and me. He worked hard and his money is self made and now he's enjoying his retirement" she captured one of his hands.

"Please Bobby" she whispered. He sighed and then nodded. She smiled and stood on tiptoe and pressed a kiss on his cheek. She turned as Nicky came to stand beside his father. Once in a while his wandering gaze would sweep over her face and hold for a few seconds.

As they went inside the large house, Bobby's eyes automatically took in his surroundings. It was part of his job to notice the unnoticeable but also he checked for breakables. So far he couldn't see anything. The furnishings, while comfortable, were sparse. There were no fancy little tables that usually held delicate little knick-knacks and photo frames.

"Kate?" a female voice called and Bobby watched an older version of Kate emerge from what he assumed was the kitchen. Upon seeing her daughter, a huge smile broke out across her face and she went towards her. He watched them embrace.

"Mom…this is Robert Goren and his son Nicky" Kate introduced, her tone slightly breathless, slightly hopeful. Bobby watched the older woman turn blue eyes his way. Oh yeah, definitely an older version of Kate. He felt the butterflies tremble in the pit of his stomach as they had done on and off all morning. The smile remained on her face as she held out a hand, which he took.

"It's nice to finally meet you Robert…or do you prefer Bobby?" Bobby glanced briefly at Kate before returning his attention to her mother.

"Uh…I don't really mind…" he stammered.

"What does Kate call you?"

"Bobby"

"Then Bobby it is…and this must be Nicky" Bobby turned his head and watched as Nicky stopped his examination of the ceiling and looked at her, actually held her gaze for a moment.

"Yeah. I Nicky" he responded and nodded at the same time. Bobby watched Eleanor Jones continue to smile.

"It's nice to meet you Nicky" she looked at Bobby again "he looks very much like you," she added on and Bobby swore he felt himself begin to blush. He looked at Kate again. She smiled in encouragement and he thought that maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all. He sighed quietly. He really was out of practice.

They watched Eleanor head back the way she came. Kate took his hand as they followed. Butterflies were still dive-bombing in the pit of his stomach but the crucial bit was over with, he had met her mother and so far she hadn't run away screaming.

* * *

It was obvious that they had prepared themselves for today. There was fresh juice in the refrigerator for Nicky. Bobby watched Nicky continue to take in his surroundings. It seemed to him that Kate's idea of gradually opening him up to new experiences was proving to be successful. It was subtly done but she managed to accomplish it with ease. Nicky seemed to be comfortable here. He sighed shakily. Maybe this could work after all.

There was a huge climbing frame and swing set in the middle of an enormous yard that made Bobby pause in his step and stare.

"I hope you don't mind…" Eleanor began, coming to stand beside him. He looked at her, a little bewildered.

"Mind? Why would I mind?" he asked quietly, watching his son hurry towards it.

"Kate mentioned…that Nicky likes to climb when she takes him to the park…this used to be Michael's…and when he went into the residential centre, we dismantled it and put it away" he watched her as she spoke, saw the earnestness in her blue eyes and he smiled softly.

"Mrs Jones…this is…uh…this is amazing...that you and your husband would consider Nicky's needs, what with this is the first time that we've met. I really appreciate it and I'm sure Nicky does to" he turned his head when he heard his son laugh and watched him hang upside down, his arms hanging down and almost touching the grass. He couldn't hear what Kate was saying to him but he watched as Nicky righted himself and lowered himself to his feet.

" Watching Kate with Nicky reminds me of how she was with her brother. She had so much patience with him, she literally took anything and everything that he threw at her" Eleanor confided.

"She has the same patience with Nicky, she's a…a rare gem" Eleanor smiled and nodded.

"That's it exactly, a gem. I used to feel so guilty, so much of our time was spent with Michael, taking care of him, helping him to cope that Kate got pushed to one side a lot" She turned and watched her as she pointed something out to Nicky.

"And then she chose to work with autistic children. It's been her calling" Bobby watched them walk towards the trees and shrubbery that lined the edge of the yard and nodded slowly.

"It's how we met. Nicky is in her class"

"I know, she told me. She probably won't thank me for saying this, but she cares for you, she cares for you both very deeply" Bobby sighed.

"I know she does…and she's very special to me too…" he let his voice trail away.

* * *

"Picnic!" Nicky exclaimed joyfully and Bobby turned his head and saw Kate walking towards them both carrying a basket. She also had a blanket looped over one arm. Immediately Bobby went towards her, relieving her of the basket. Nicky swiped the blanket from her arm and set about spreading it on the grass, not too far away from the climbing frame. Kate smiled as she watched them work together in a slightly disjointed manner and as she expected, once the blanket was flat, Nicky threw himself down onto it and lay flat on his back, smiling up at the sky. Kate wished for a camera to record this moment, Nicky looked so happy and carefree.

"I thought your parents would be joining us?" Bobby commented as they sat down. Kate shrugged and moved closer to the basket.

"Mom wants to give us some time alone" she replied. Bobby bit back a smile.

"She's very nice…I like her a lot" Kate glanced at him and she smiled at him.

"She likes you too, thinks you're refreshing" Bobby raised both eyebrows in surprise.

"Really? Well I've been called a lot of things… but never refreshing" he confided and his smile widened when he heard her laugh.

* * *

"Now I understand why you wanted us to visit" They got into her car after farewells and promises to visit again. Kate glanced at him as she started the car.

"You do?"

"It's nice here. Quiet, Nicky enjoyed himself today"

"Being able to run around almost unchecked? What's there not to love about that?" she glanced behind her at Nicky.

"He's coped with the change brilliantly" Bobby looked at the big house as the car pulled away.

His son could be safe here.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Once again, thank you for the great reviews. It's all going to kick off from now. Errors are mine...you know what i'm going to say next...all thoughts appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Six: **

"So you met the parents, huh?" Alex commented. Bobby looked at her and shrugged restlessly.

"Yeah" he admitted.

"Did you pass muster?" Bobby seemed to pause.

"I think so. They're nice people…very wealthy" That got Alex's attention.

"Kate is loaded? Get out!"

"Her parents are, she was quick to tell me that"

"And that's a problem how exactly?" he looked at her.

"I didn't say that it was" Alex fixed him with a level stare that always made him feel a little bit uncomfortable.

"I didn't! But …she's used to that kind of money…"

"And you're not. It's not as though she flaunts it." Bobby just sighed. Alex leaned forwards.

"Bobby, it's only an issue if you make it one, she obviously doesn't think that it is" He looked at her and she saw his slightly worried frown.

"Listen to me, she's a nice lady. She works, she takes care of Nicky for you and Nicky seems to like her a lot. It works. _Let_ it work"

"You think I'm looking for problems" Another level stare.

"Okay, okay, I get it" he muttered quietly and Alex had to bite back a grin. The relationship was heading towards something more serious if he was being like this. He'd been close mouthed about Kate for the most part, his infamous 'on a need to know' basis but meeting her parents and making this discovery about Kate had unsettled him a little bit.

* * *

"Hello again" Kate swung around as the voice and she smiled.

"Hey, you're back" she commented, recognising the blonde from the park the previous week.

"I am" there was a brief pause "I want to apologise about the way I left things last week, one of my children needed me and I had to hurry away. I wasn't deliberately being rude" Kate looked at her.

"Oh it's not a problem, it happens. Everything okay now?" the blonde nodded.

"Your kids with you today?"

"Oh no, they're with their nanny. I was just passing through and I caught sight of you and I thought I'd better clarify what happened last week. You must spend a lot of time here" Kate looked over to where Nicky climbed.

"Pretty much every day, Nicky loves it here so its part of his daily routine"

"I can imagine he gets…restless otherwise"

"Like you wouldn't believe. He's a big boy so you can't exactly restrain him, if he wants to be somewhere, then he'll be there"

" You say you look after him?" Kate looked at her.

"I do. His father works and his mother isn't…around so I sit with him"

"Don't you ever get bored? I mean, doing the same thing day in and day out, it must get soul-destroying"

"Not if you don't let it be. Nicky is challenging but he's worth the effort"

"His father must really appreciate having you around then" Kate looked at her then. It had been the way she'd said it and she frowned.

"Yeah, I…suppose he is" she turned and looked back at Nicky in time to see him lose his step and fall off the frame. A wail went up and immediately Kate went to him.

"Hey Nicky" she crouched down beside him.

"Ouch! Hurts…owwww!" he protested loudly, tears streaking down his cheeks. His hands covered his knee and he rolled onto his back almost dramatically.

"You hurt your knee Nicky? Can I see?" but his loud yells of protest overwhelmed everything.

"Nicky…let me see okay?" she unhooked the backpack from one shoulder and dropped it down between them. She unzipped it and took out his red bottle and handed it to him. The distraction worked and the tears began to dry up. He removed his hand and Kate saw the bloody graze.

"Oh Nicky, ouch…" she crooned and delved into the backpack again to take out some tissues and a wipe. He was too distracted by his drink to take any notice of the way she gently wiped the wound clean and placed a sticking plaster over it. He'd drag it off at the first opportunity but it wasn't to say that he didn't like the attention in the first place.

"There, you're all fixed again" she told him as she replaced all the items except the juice bottle back into the bag. She watched him inspect it.

"Let's get you on your feet" she held out a hand and waited. After a moment he took it and she helped him upright. Gingerly he put his foot down onto the ground and then his face creased up and fresh tears bloomed.

"Owwwww!" he protested and Kate looked at him, wondering what the problem could be now

"What's wrong Nicky?" He lifted his right ankle and held it there for a moment before trying to put it down again.

"I think he must've twisted his ankle" the blonde woman interrupted and Kate flinched, in all her haste to get to Nicky, she'd forgotten all about her. She crouched down and gingerly pulled his sock down around his ankle. It looked a little red and swollen and she groaned quietly.

"Damn. I'll have to take him to the emergency room. He won't like it" she straightened up again.

"I can get you there if you want? My car isn't far away" Kate looked at her and the woman then looked embarrassed.

"Listen to me, you don't even know who I am. Elizabeth Wallace" she held out a hand. Kate regarded her for a moment.

"I'm Kate Jones. You know what, your offer is very kind but I think I have to call his dad. Thanks anyway"

"But I'm just a moment away, surely it'd be quicker than dragging his father away from work?"

"Trust me, his father is the type who'd expect to be dragged away. I'll call him. Again, thank you"

"All right" Elizabeth sighed "but at least let me help you get Nicky to a seat"

"No disrespect Elizabeth, but Nicky is autistic, he doesn't welcome much contact, he's in pain and I have no idea how he'll react…"

"I'm sorry, I should've realised that. Why don't you give me your phone and I'll call his father?" Kate stared at her. The woman was only trying to help and in the meantime Nicky's crying was getting louder and louder. She pulled out the phone and handed it to her.

"His name is Robert Goren, it's already programmed in"

**_tbc..._**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews to those who are staying with this. Now the fun begins. Another character from the L&O Universe makes a brief appearance. Mackenzie Park is a made up place. If there are errors in procedures etc, then they are mine. If you read this and say 'but that wouldn't happen...' just suspend your belief and read the chapter...it's all for the storyline, all for effect, all to see Bobby being put through the emotional wringer. You know the rest :) Please read and all thoughts are appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Seven:**

"Goren…you got a minute?" Bobby lifted his head and his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Olivia Benson standing beside his desk. In her hand was a buff coloured manila folder and she looked a little…well he'd have to say that she looked a little concerned. Something shivered down his spine at her expression.

"Uh… sure. What's up?" He glanced across his desk at Alex who regarded them both with open curiosity.

"We've been running an undercover observation at MacKenzie Park. We've had several reports of suspicious activity there…" She watched Goren straighten up in his seat, suddenly very, very alert.

"My kid plays there; it's not far from where we live"

"I know…and don't worry, Nicky hasn't been targeted…but we've noticed that when he visits, he has someone with him who is keeping an eye on him" Bobby nodded.

"That's Kate Jones. She's a classroom assistant at his school and is taking care of him through the day when I'm here"

"We know that now…"

"What do you mean _now_?" he demanded. Olivia glanced briefly at Alex before dropping the folder onto his blotter.

"A lot of pictures got taken, and of course other people get in these pictures, usually innocent bystanders and such like. It was one of our new guys in SVU who saw this, said he knew you from Narcotics, he recognised Nicky at first. You need to take a look" She watched Bobby open the folder. His son jumped out at him immediately. Though the pictures were in black and white, he remembered the fact that on that particular day, he had been wearing a bright blue t-shirt and matching shorts. It had been before his hair cut too and his hair was thick and unruly. Kate was nearby and as always she was watching him, staying far enough away from him to give him a little independence but close enough to go to him instantly if he needed her. He was about to ask Olivia why she wanted him to see the pictures when he saw her.

Alex saw how he went very still. He didn't exactly freeze but just the change in his demeanour was enough. She watched him lean forwards and then rest his head on one hand. She saw how he rubbed the skin above his left eyebrow with one long index finger as he flicked through the rest of the pictures. She came over to see what had caught his attention so completely. Then her eyes widened.

"For real?" she looked at Olivia in shock. There was no mistake; it was Nicole Wallace, sitting on a park bench in a white sundress, wearing a wide brimmed sun hat, dark glasses covering her eyes. If she had dressed to disguise herself from recognition, then she had failed.

"I know you guys are still looking for her, after she disappeared with that kid…" Alex straightened up.

"I'll inform the Captain" she told her partner and headed towards his office. In the meantime Bobby lifted his head and looked at Olivia.

"We were just doing our job Bobby, we had to check Kate out, and for all we knew she could've been an accomplice…"

"To _what_?" he exploded and the ever present noise of the bullpen seemed to lower. He then took a deep breath.

"She wasn't," he told her calmly, "She didn't know her…at least I think they didn't know each other. You should've come to me earlier…" some of those photographs had shown both of them talking. Nausea began to churn in the pit of his stomach; could he have been that open, that _stupid?_ Could Kate have been that devious? Did Nicole want revenge _that _badly?

* * *

Nicky allowed Kate to help him to a park bench and she helped him to sit down. 

"Leg hurts…want dad…want Bobby," he protested.

"Sweetheart, Elizabeth is calling dad now" she assured him and a dark frown crossed his face.

"Don't want Liz'Beth, want dad!" he protested. Kate could barely contain a sigh.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get through to his father" she apologised. Kate frowned and as she reached for the phone, it seemed to slip through Elizabeth's fingers and clatter onto the ground.

"Oh, I'm such a butter fingers, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed in horror. Kate took a deep breath.

"Don't worry about it… their apartment isn't far, I'm sure we can hobble over there together" she retrieved her phone. It was switched off. She switched it on and looked at Elizabeth as it turned on.

"It's still working" At that moment the phone shrilled to life, startling all three of them. She looked down and saw Bobby's name on the ID. She went to press the answer button.

"Don't answer that" Kate lifted her head and looked at Elizabeth. She frowned.

"What?"

"You heard me. Disconnect it. Now" she instructed.

"What the hell?" she yelped as Elizabeth then grabbed the phone and threw it into the bushes behind the bench.

"You're going to do exactly as I tell you" her voice was like ice.

"And if I don't?" she demanded, moving closer to Nicky.

"Then I have no qualms in putting a bullet between your eyes" Kate's breath caught in her throat when Elizabeth surreptitiously aimed the small pistol at her.

* * *

Bobby disconnected and frowned. 

"Kate isn't answering her phone," he muttered as Deakins and Eames joined him at his desk.

"What's going on?" Deakins demanded. Bobby looked at them both.

"Nicole Wallace has resurfaced" he replied and pushed the folder towards them.

Olivia saw the naked pain in his eyes and went towards him.

"Bobby…is there anything I can do?" she asked him quietly. He looked at her and his expression was bleak. He just shook his head. She took a hasty step backwards as he brushed past her and headed out the bullpen.

Alex turned in time to see him leave. His head was down.

"Should we be worried?" Deakins asked her and Alex looked at him.

"With Wallace on the scene and possibly stalking his son…Goren is involved with Kate beyond a professional level Captain…with respect, I think we should be very worried" She remembered the message that Wallace had left on his phone the last time they'd tangled. She'd accused him of taking something else away from her. Was she intending to repay him by taking Nicky away from him?

"Go find him and talk to him" Deakins instructed her.

She found him beside the elevator bank, leaning against the opposite wall, his cell phone in his hand.

"Bobby?" his head shot up and he looked at her.

"What's going on?" she watched him straighten up.

"I don't know, but I can't get Kate on her phone, it's just ringing and…hello?" His spine went straight.

"Who's this?…hey it doesn't matter who I am…tell me your name…because I'm a _cop_ that's why…where did you get this phone…okay…thank you..." She watched as he disconnected.

"A passer by heard her phone ring, went to check it out and found her phone in the bushes in Mackenzie Park, he's going to wait and hold onto it for the cops" his expression turned anguished. Alex's phone pealed into life and he watched her as she answered it and listened intently. He listened to her explain the situation of Kate's lost phone. She looked up at him as she clicked it shut.

"A uniform is on his way to pick it up, a canvas is being set up…" Alex began and she saw him nod, looking distracted as a million and one thoughts crashed through his brain.

"Maybe Nicky had a tantrum and threw the phone in there and she couldn't find it?" she gently suggested, but Bobby was already shaking his head.

"Kate doesn't let him near it, she always keeps it on her…" he sighed and pulled his fingers through his hair, his movements jagged and restless.

"Bobby…"

"She has them both…Nicole…she's got both of them" his voice was barely above a whisper.

**_tbc..._**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews. All are appreciated. Any and all errors as always are mine, all thoughts appreciated. **

**Now it begins...

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Eight:**

He sat rigidly in the passenger seat as Alex manoeuvred the SUV through afternoon traffic. They were on their way to his apartment building. He'd agreed with Alex to go there, just in case but he knew in his gut that she wouldn't be there, that Nicky wouldn't be there. Nevertheless his heart jumped in his chest when he saw her car parked in its now usual place.

"There's her car…"Alex commented.

"She and Nicky walk to the park" he replied as Alex swung the SUV in to park in front of it.

They emerged onto the street, ever aware of the police cars pulling up all around. Bobby waited with barely concealed impatience as Deakins hurried over to join them. All three of them wore Kevlar vests, all were armed and not one of them knew what to expect.

* * *

The apartment was empty. Bobby stood in the kitchen. He closed his eyes and imagined the room busy; he remembered Nicky setting the table and the look of pride on his face, he remembered Kate talking to them both and smiling like a proud mother. He sighed raggedly and opened his eyes. It had been like a weird marriage of sorts. He wiped his hand over his eyes. He refused to entertain the possibility that somehow Kate was twisted up in Nicole's scheming. He wouldn't believe that she would be that cruel or that heartless. Even her mother had told him that she cared for them both. Could she really have fooled him that much? He felt something die inside of him. If she had then why had she? He shook his head. He was being paranoid and suspicious, but those photographs Benson had supplied them had shown her talking to her, smiling with her as though they were friends of a kind. Had she been working against him from the beginning? The possibility was just too horrendous to contemplate.

* * *

"You're making a big mistake," Kate told her. Elizabeth didn't respond but Kate could feel the barrel of the gun pressed against her side. 

"Nicky's father is a cop. Once he realises that I'm not answering my cell, the entire NYPD will be out looking for us"

"Bobby has no idea I'm back in the city my darling, I didn't call him so don't overestimate your importance to him" Elizabeth told her.

"You know him?"

"You could say we have a history of sorts together," she confirmed. Kate held onto Nicky as he limped along the sidewalk. She could feel the sweat trickle down her back.

"He calls to check in once in a while, to make sure that Nicky's okay, he'll know something is wrong if I don't answer" They came to a big black SUV. Kate watched Elizabeth click off the alarm and then push the keys into Kate's hand.

"Why don't you unlock the car and I'll keep an eye on Nicky?" she suggested. Kate stared at her.

"He won't let you touch him" she ground out. Elizabeth shrugged.

"So I won't touch him. I won't have to" Kate's breath caught as Elizabeth surreptitiously turned the gun towards him instead.

"I need to know one thing," Kate asked as she unlocked the doors as requested. Even if she could get away from her, Nicky couldn't. She wondered whether she'd been planning this or she'd taken advantage of the situation. She looked at her as she straightened up.

"Why?" she asked. Elizabeth smiled, but Kate now noticed that it didn't even reach her eyes.

"You'll have to ask Bobby that. Get in" she replied.

* * *

Bobby watched as Alex closed her cell phone. She turned and looked at him. He was desperate for answers; she could see it in his eyes. He wanted her to tell him that they had been found safe. 

"An initial canvas of the park came back with witnesses saying Nicky met with some kind of accident…" she winced inwardly as she saw him blanch. She moved closer to him and touched his arm.

"He fell off the climbing frame and was limping…" she reassured him. It did little to ease the obvious tension radiating from him. Alex took another deep breath.

"Several witnesses said that they saw Kate and Nicky leaving in the company of a blonde woman, maybe five feet six inches, thin, brown eyes…sound familiar?" Bobby just nodded.

"Has anyone been in touch with Janette? Or her husband for that fact?" he asked suddenly. Alex frowned.

"Do you think they had something to do with this?"

"Remember how Janette was really pushing for visitation, she even threatened to go for custody. Nicky didn't react well to her when they met again in the park a little while ago so I asked her to back off for a little while…but…but she's desperate…"

"She also abandoned him when he was five years old…."

"She also came back for him…I'm in the way…maybe Nicole got in touch with her, maybe she's using her to get Nicky back"

"Why? Wallace has her own agenda, she isn't for hire Bobby and how would she even know about Janette?" Alex defended.

"Nicole excels at research, she always does her homework so…thoroughly. She obtained my Social Security number, she will have researched my son the moment she found out about his existence…his birth certificate, the custody arrangements, anything that's public record she will have accessed it" Bobby retaliated, his voice rising.

"I still don't buy Janette being involved"

"Nicole is a patient girl, she would have bided her time. She would've made sure that she had every piece of information she needed before approaching Janette and you know how persuasive she can be…"

"So you think Janette and Wallace colluded together to get Nicky? It's madness Bobby, it would achieve exactly nothing!"

"It would mean her getting her revenge. She lost Gwen, she... _warned_ me with that phone message. It was only a matter of time before she turned her attention to my son knowing the reaction that she would get from me" Alex sighed.

"But with all the money Janette has access to, why resort to this? There's just something…off about it all" Bobby took another deep breath.

"When you're desperate, _that ..._desperate you can't think straight. I can't help thinking, what if Nicole… had help?" He watched her, and waited for her to join the dots. Alex's eyes widened in horror as she did.

"You think _Kate_ is involved in this? Bobby you are out of your mind, there's no way she's involved, she loves Nicky"

"You saw the photographs"

"I _saw_ the pictures of Wallace watching them both, they seemed unaware of her"

"But she was also pictured talking to her…"

"I can't believe you're thinking like this Bobby, Wallace could've been trying to gain her trust because she has access to _Nicky_!" Alex argued. Bobby paused. Of course she could've been. He lowered his head.

"I don't know what to think anymore…Nicole has my son and I don't know what to believe," he admitted. Alex stood in front of him.

"Trust your gut Bobby, it's never failed you before. Trust that"

**_tbc..._**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Again, thank you for the reviews. Bobby is starting to lose it.. All thoughts as always, appreciated, and like i also always say with each chapter, all errors while non intentional, are mine. Please read and rate.

* * *

****Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Kate could hear Nicky muttering to himself in the backseat of the car. She looked at Elizabeth. Now that she got a good look at her, she saw the blackness of her soul. The emptiness behind her eyes scared her.

"Keep your eyes on the road Kate" Elizabeth warned her in a low voice.

"Once Bobby realises what's going on, he's going to come after you" her eyes dropped at the gun that was pointed surreptitiously at her.

"Oh I'm hoping that he does,"

"What are you going to do with us?" she asked.

"I haven't decided yet…. turn here…"

"Where are we going?"

"You ask a lot of questions don't you?"

"I'll ask more unless you start answering me" she retorted with bravado that she certainly didn't feel.

"I want you to tell me something Kate" Elizabeth requested. Kate could feel her eyes almost boring into her. It was all that she could do not to look at her. She had to keep her eyes on the road, her ears open to Nicky and her wits about her so that if they could escape then she would have some idea where to go. As it was, she didn't know where she was, except that by judging the size of the houses they were passing, they were in an affluent part of the city.

"It depends on what it is" she replied, still taking in her surroundings. Her heart was bouncing around in her chest, her palms damp with sweat.

"I would love to know how you got beneath our favourite detective's notoriously hard shell" Kate glanced at her.

" And I would love to tell you but I won't"

"I suppose we women have to have our secrets. Here. Pull in here…the driveway," she suddenly instructed and Kate saw heavy wrought iron gates. As requested, she manoeuvred the large vehicle inside and drove carefully towards a house that put her own parents home to shame.

"You live here?" the question slipped out of her.

"I ask the questions," Elizabeth replied in a tight voice "you can stop here" As Kate switched off the engine, Elizabeth reached across and pulled the key out of the ignition.

The sudden silence was almost deafening. No one spoke and all Kate could hear was the pounding of her heartbeat in her ears, even Nicky had gone quiet.

"Get out of the car" Elizabeth then instructed. Kate looked at her.

"Not without Nicky. He stays with me" she glanced along the backseat where Nicky sat. He was rigid and wide-eyed. She tried to smile, hoping that maybe he would look at her and be able to read her expression of reassurance. She didn't see Elizabeth until the last possible moment and she cried out as pain exploded in her head. Stunned, she turned and looked at Elizabeth, her eyes wide but before she could attempt to fight back, Elizabeth hit her again and it went dark.

* * *

Peter Whittingham scrambled to his feet when the door to his office burst open, slamming up against the wall. His eyes went wide when he saw the tall man who came through it like a freight train.

"Tell me where they are!" Goren yelled as he advanced towards his desk.

"Who are you talking about?" he backed up as the detective rounded the desk and advanced towards him.

"You know who I mean! My _son_…Kate Jones…where are they?" he grabbed him by the front of his shirt and hauled him towards him. Weakly he turned his head to see a hoard of police officers as well as staff members crowd through the doorway.

"He's lost his mind…what…what is he talking about?" he yelped as Goren abruptly released him and pushed him roughly back into his chair. He took several steps backwards, raking his hand through his hair

"Detective Goren's son and his babysitter have been taken…you need to answer his question" Whittingham focused on the second, female voice.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Detective Goren's partner, Detective Alex Eames" she supplied, flashing her badge. She watched as he sat up in his chair, lining up his tie and straightening his jacket as he did.

"Someone's taken Nicky?" he whispered and Goren spun around at the tone of shock in his voice.

"Oh come on, like you didn't _know!_ I don't believe that for a second!" he snarled and Whittingham cringed back in his seat at the sight of the tall man advancing towards him again.

"I swear I don't know what you're talking about…what's happened?"

"A woman has been photographed in a park near to Nicky and his babysitter…a woman who is wanted by the NYPD for multiple counts of murder and who also holds a grudge against Detective Goren" Eames explained. Behind her, Bobby opened his folder and extracted a photograph.

"Do you know a woman by the name of Nicole Wallace?" he demanded. Whittingham regarded him and then frowned. He shook his head.

"N...no, but I know an Elizabeth Wallace…" he answered nervously. He watched them both exchange a long look before Goren skirted around his partner and placed a black and white photograph on his blotter in front of him.

"Is this her?" he asked in a calmer, more professional tone. Automatically Whittingham looked down as the detective lay another photograph down beside it. He nodded.

"Yes…yes that's Elizabeth"

"How do you know her Mr Whittingham?" Eames requested. He looked at her again.

"She's my children's nanny" he replied. He witnessed another look between the two detectives.

"Oh God…" Goren moaned and Whittingham watched as he wheeled around and then sat down heavily on the seat opposite his desk and lean forwards, resting his head in his hands

"Oh God" he moaned again.

* * *

Janette heard the front door open and came out of the living room.

"Elizabeth? Where have you been? I thought…." Anything else she was about to say, died in her throat when she saw her nanny there, but it was who accompanied her that shocked her.

"Nicky…" she breathed. Nicky was hunched in on himself and rocking from side to side, a backpack clutched in his hands. She stared stupidly at him for a moment and then turned her head.

"How… where's his babysitter? Does…" words failed her again and she looked enquiringly at Elizabeth again. She smiled brightly at her.

"I've brought your son back to you" she announced and Janette stared at her in shock.

"But…"

"I've had to listen to you complain and whine about how his father was keeping you away from him, so I decided to solve your problem for you. The least you could do is say thank you," she snapped.

"It wasn't malicious Elizabeth, Bobby requested I take a step back for a while and I agreed. I can't believe that he changed his mind" she watched as Elizabeth smiled and a cold feeling of real fear germinated inside of her.

"He didn't change his mind did he? And you haven't answered my question about where his babysitter is. Nicky doesn't go anywhere without her" She went to the front door and yelped when Elizabeth roughly grabbed her arm.

"He doesn't need a babysitter Janette, he needs his mother" Janette looked down and saw the gun pointed at her side and she gasped, wide eyed.

"What have you done?" she whispered in fright.

**_tbc..._**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Thanks for the continuing reviews...greatly appreciated as always. Bobby's now going through it, so any factual work type errors are my own, as always i'm all about the story. Other errors, grammar etc, are my own...thoughts welcomed. There is a name error. In an earlier chapter, i referred to a little girl, Janette's daughter as being called 'Lucy', when in an earlier chapter again i'd named her 'Lily', for this purpose, i've gone back to 'Lily'...that'll teach me not to read back! Oops!

* * *

****Chapter Thirty:**

Kate opened her eyes. For a moment everything was blurry and she then winced at the incredible pain in her head. She had slipped out of the driver's seat into foot well. Slowly she climbed into driver's seat, the pain in her head making her slow and clumsy.

"Nicky?" she mumbled, looking to the back seat but it was empty. She wondered how Elizabeth had gotten Nicky out of the car without her. She leaned her head against the seat and briefly closed her eyes. All she could think about was Nicky. She felt a lump form in her throat and tears threaten. He would be so scared. She sucked in a shaky breath and winced at the pain in her head. Slowly she sat up and nausea rolled. She opened her eyes and saw the blood on the headrest. She lifted a shaking hand and touched her head and saw blood on her fingertips. She had to get out of here, had to get to Nicky or failing that, to get help of some kind. She scrabbled for the door handle but it refused to budge. Anger flared when she realised that Elizabeth had locked her in. She turned her head and looked at the windows. They were all rolled up and locked tight. She slowly climbed into the back seat and spent a few moments looking for something, anything she could use to break a window. There was nothing; the interior of the SUV was immaculate. She looked down at her feet. She wore flat sandals; hardly useful in circumstances like this but she had to try. Elizabeth Wallace had a gun, there was no way of knowing what she intended to do. She didn't even know where she was. She carefully lay on her back and winced again at the pain in her head. She drew her knees up to her chest and with as much strength as she could muster she kicked out.

* * *

Bobby watched Peter Whittingham replace the telephone receiver and look at Bobby.

"There's no response," he told him.

"Is that normal at this time of day? What about her cell phone?" he demanded. He stood impatiently as he withdrew a cell phone from his jacket pocket and hit speed dial. After a short while he frowned and clicked off.

"It went to voice mail. It means she's at home"

"You've just said that she's not answering…" Bobby interrupted.

"Something's wrong…"

"Then we need to go to your home, now" It was then that his phone began to ring.

Irritated, he yanked it out of his jacket pocket and stared at the caller ID. It wasn't a number he recognised and he turned to look at his partner. He flipped his phone open.

"Goren"

"You haven't changed your number" Hearing her voice made his stomach dip and his skin crawl. Of course she would call him, there was nothing she loved more than to goad him.

"You must be feeling pretty pleased with yourself right now" he answered, keeping his tone subdued, as white-hot rage seethed inside of him.

"Is that the best you can do Bobby? No screaming and shouting and making threats?" He sighed raggedly and with his other hand pulled his fingers through his hair.

"Is that what you'd like me to do Nicole? Because if it is…then you don't know me as well as you like to think you do," he answered in a short, tense tone.

"Ah Bobby" she chided him and his hand dropped and Alex watched it form a fist.

"Aren't you going to ask how your son is doing?" Bobby closed his eyes and swallowed. He could hear him in the background, close enough to know that he was asking about Kate and he was getting more uptight by the second. His gut twisted.

"Would you…tell me if I did?"

"Probably not. Are your clever technicians tracing your cell phone Bobby? You know where I am, come and get me" and just like that she disconnected. He did likewise and again Alex watched him struggle to keep a tight grip on his emotions.

Kate had no idea of how long she'd been lying there and kicking at the window. All that she knew was that her feet and her ankles were killing her and the window hadn't budged. Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. It was no good…it was going to be dark soon and if Elizabeth was to be believed, then Bobby would have no idea of where they were. She had to have faith in him. He was super-smart, he'd figure it out and find them and get Nicky back. A sob escaped from her and she covered her mouth with one hand. She hoped he'd figure it out soon. She kicked out one more time.

"We'll get them back Bobby" Alex assured her partner as they flew through the streets of the city, a stream of police cars behind, all with lights flashing and sirens screaming. Peter Whittingham sat in the back seat and said nothing, which was just as well because if her partner's expression was to be believed, he seriously wanted to hit someone. Bobby didn't look as though he'd heard her as he stared out of the window. She doubted he was really seeing anything.

* * *

The glass shattered. Kate continued to kick at it and then sat up. She cleared the rest of it away from the frame and felt the cooler breeze rush in. The door still wouldn't open and she was forced to shimmy her way through the hole. She fell to the ground in a clumsy, untidy heap. She felt pain flare in her shoulder and her leg and the edges of her vision darkened with pain. She lifted her head and looked behind her. Lights were beginning to be switched on in the house. Again she paused. Did she try and get into the house or did she go for help? She looked back to the gates and she got to her feet. She swayed, her trembling legs struggling to contain her weight and she began to walk. As her stride became stronger, she picked up her pace. She could swear that she could hear sirens.

Bobby was absolutely on the edge now. His whole demeanour was tense as he leaned forwards and looked out the windshield. Dusky shadows blurred everything outside.

"Here…you need to turn in here now" Whittingham instructed and Alex began to turn the steering wheel….

"Alex! Be careful!" Bobby yelled all of a sudden and automatically she slammed on the brakes. Her headlights picked out someone who froze just inches away from the front of the vehicle. Bobby was already unbuckling his seatbelt and scrambling out. It was then Alex recognised who it was. It was Kate.

"Kate…oh Jesus…" she felt a pair of arms go around her shoulders and her legs sagged. Those same arms scooped her up. She rested her head against one broad shoulder.

"We need help here!" Bobby yelled. Kate could feel the blackness creeping up on her again.

"Kate…where's Nicky?" she heard him demand.

"House. He's in the house…with Elizabeth…" she murmured. She opened her eyes and tried to focus on the face. It sounded like Bobby.

"Bobby?"

"It's okay…it's going to be okay," he whispered and his hold tightened on her.

"She's…be careful, she's got a gun," she told him, her voice becoming panicked.

* * *

Nicky hadn't budged from where he stood and he wouldn't move. Janette recognised the look on his face. He was angry, his routine was out of sync and apart from being confused, he was cross. She recognised the look from his childhood and she always knew that trouble was brewing. She looked back at Elizabeth.

"Mommy…" a voice enquired and Janette stiffened. She turned her head and looked at her youngest child who came to stand beside her. She drew her closer and slipped a protective arm across her shoulders. Automatically Lily snuggled in. Janette looked back at Elizabeth. She still held the gun in her hand but had lowered it by her side. Maybe there was a scrap of humanity left inside of her after all.

"Who's that mommy?" Lily enquired, staring curiously at Nicky who was stared right back.

"Lily, this is Nicky" the little girl regarded him some more.

"Hello Nicky" she greeted. Nicky continued to stare at her, seemingly entranced and that alone struck Janette as unusual.

"Hello…" he answered. Janette was confounded, Nicky seemed to relax slightly; he'd stopped rocking and muttering.

"Lily, why don't you show our guest your bedroom?" she suggested and hoped that Nicky didn't panic.

"I don't think that's a good idea" Elizabeth interrupted. Janette looked at her. The sound of sirens could be heard and Janette turned her head when strobing lights filled the hallway. Nicky also turned and his eyes widened and became animated at the same time. Janette saw how his wrists twisted and twirled all of a sudden. He knew that his dad had to be nearby. She had to get him somewhere safe, or at least safer. She looked back at Elizabeth.

"Then take him into the kitchen, see if there's something that he'd like to drink…" she replied, without taking her eyes off the other woman. At that time, a cell phone began to ring and while Elizabeth was briefly distracted by it, Janette nodded at her daughter and she darted forwards and took Nicky's hand. He didn't withdraw and as they walked away towards the kitchen, she noticed that he was limping.

* * *

Bobby's heart pounded in his chest. Kate had been drifting in and out of consciousness and she'd been covered in blood, it had matted in her hair and covered half her face and neck. As he had lifted her up he'd also seen it covering her feet and her hands. Where had she been? He handed her gently over to two police officers and got back into Eames's SUV. She floored the accelerator with a screech of tyres as they headed towards the house.

He saw the SUV parked a short distance away from the house and noticed the broken glass on the ground. Kate had been in there? Eames had barely applied the brakes and he was climbing out of the car and heading towards the vehicle, his eyes automatically searching out his surroundings for any sign of movement. Every light was on in the house. He checked his weapon before replacing it in its holster. He looked at his partner who was doing the same and out of the corner of his eye he saw Peter Whittingham also get out.

"You need to keep out of the way until we know what's going on" Bobby instructed him. Around him other police vehicles were stopping and cops were disembarking. The atmosphere was understandably tense.

Bobby shone his torch inside the abandoned SUV. He saw the blood on the foot well of the driver's seat as well as on the headrest. It made him frown. His examination was quick and perfunctory. As he completed it, he took his phone out of his pocket and made a call.

**_tbc..._**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Again, many thanks for the reviews. So, will 'She Who Must Not Be Named' get her comeuppance? Read on to find out. Any errors are mine as usual. Thoughts and reviews are welcomed.

* * *

****Chapter Thirty-One:**

Elizabeth allowed Janette to put some juice into Nicky's bottle. He held himself gingerly away from her. He was still tense, the animation he'd exhibited on seeing the police lights had vanished the moment they'd entered the kitchen. Elizabeth was stationed beside the door, the gun still in her hand. Out of the corner of her eye, Janette saw Lily edge closer to Nicky. Nicky drank his juice, his gaze flitting around the room. He gave off an aura of being completely oblivious to the tension in the room, but she had to wonder what was going through his head right now.

"Have you any idea of how difficult it was to get that... _brat_ out of the car?" Elizabeth demanded. Janette looked at her.

"He's autistic, you're a stranger, he doesn't react well to strangers" Elizabeth's eyes narrowed.

"How would you know that? You haven't been in his life since he was five years old, you threw him away like a piece of trash" she accused.

"You don't know anything about my life back then" Janette defended. She froze when Elizabeth raised the gun and aimed it at her. Automatically she pressed Lily against her, her heart beginning to thump in her chest.

"I know that you dumped him in foster care and had absolutely no contact with him until just recently. I wonder why that was, wasn't Bobby doing a good enough job? Or was it your guilty conscience finally pricking you?" she sneered. Beside her, Janette heard her daughter whimper. She held onto her tighter and then glanced at Nicky, who was now staring up at the ceiling. He then looked down and then around.

"Leg sore. Ouch. Where Kate?" he muttered.

"You don't need Kate anymore Nicky, you're here with your mommy now" Elizabeth ground out, not looking at him.

"Kate asleep. Sore head. Ouch" he answered almost immediately and Janette felt her stomach clench. What did he mean? The shrill peal of a cell phone interrupted any further thoughts. She watched Elizabeth carefully as she opened the phone clutched in her other hand. She watched as she lifted it to her ear.

* * *

"You found me" There was no resignation in her tone, no disappointment.

"You told me to come and get you and here I am. As you knew I would be" Bobby answered, standing in front of the house. He took in its size.

"Yes I did Bobby, you're exactly right, as always," she taunted. The barb stung and he glanced down at his feet for second as he mentally regrouped.

"You realise that you have no way out don't you?" he began.

"I don't want to think about that right now. How's Kate doing? Is she badly hurt, dead maybe?" He gripped his phone tighter. She was doing this deliberately, once upon a time she could needle him into brief shows of temper, something that had shocked him and he swore that he'd never allow her or anyone else to do that to him again. She wanted him to lose control again by using his Achilles' heel, Nicky and Kate.

"Not dead. She's hurt but not dead"

"Because if she was, well you'd be through that front door like a freight train wouldn't you?" her tone became gleeful and Bobby felt his anger bank.

"You're exactly right Nicole, as always" he turned her words against her. A brief silence elapsed.

"Maybe I should've hit her harder," she told him, her voice becoming brittle. Bobby heaved in a deep breath.

"I need to know my son is okay Nicole," he demanded.

"You're in no position to make demands"

"Okay, so what are we doing here? Swapping insults to see which one of us gets the upper hand? If that's the case then I'm coming in and we can do it face to face, a bit like the old days huh?" his patience was wearing thin. He was vaguely aware of a commotion going on behind him. He began to walk towards the house.

"You do that Bobby then you've just killed your son," she threatened and he stopped in his tracks.

"How does it feel Bobby? To have absolutely no control over the situation? I told you that you had taken something infinitely precious to me the last time we saw each other. How does it feel now that the shoe is on the other foot? I can imagine it's really hurting right now" her words were brutal and each one pierced him.

"The difference is, I'm not a cold blooded, soulless murderer," he reminded her quietly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see various police officers taking their positions around the front of the house, no doubt there would be more around the back. She didn't answer that and slowly he began to walk again.

"Come on Nicole, don't you miss it? The face-to-face confrontations? I thought you liked seeing the pain that you inflict on your victims"

"You were never a victim Bobby" she half laughed.

"Wasn't I? As you like to remind me, my mother is in a mental institution and probably will never come out. My father was a…what did you call him? A bon vivant? Not much of a father figure and _definitely_ not a good influence in my life. And my son is so locked in his own little world that he just sees me as a means to an end, rather than his father" He slowly walked to the side of the house, pausing each time he came to a window and making sure she wasn't in sight. Quietly he extracted his weapon, testing its familiar weight in his hand. Stealthily he rounded a corner. In front of him and coming towards him were at least three uniformed police officers, weapons in front of them. They approached the back door with equal slowness and care. They halted when Bobby raised a hand.

"Ah, those infamous Goren genes struck again didn't they? They gave you a defective son…and Kate has an autistic brother too, double the hereditary fun…imagine the joys that you'll have making a baby of your own"

"Just imagine" he responded. He paused and peeked in the corner of what he realised was the kitchen window. He saw Janette first of all. With her was a little girl of maybe four years of age and she stood beside Nicky. He could almost see the tension vibrating off him. Nicole stood opposite them, a gun in one hand, and a cell phone in the other. He ducked down and signalled for the cops to do likewise.

"You know what…I'm getting tired of this verbal sparring. I'm coming in. If you're going to shoot anyone, then you're going to have to damn well shoot me" he made his way to the kitchen door and straightened up. He reached for the handle and twisted it. It swung open and he took a step inside as he closed his phone.

* * *

Nicole swung the gun towards him and automatically he raised his own. He glanced at Janette who was staring between them with wide eyes. 

"It's me you want Nicole, let everyone else go" he took another step into the kitchen and angled himself towards Janette and the children. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the cops just by the door but still out of sight.

"No" she ground out, keeping the weapon trained on him. He sighed, frowning deeply.

"This can only end…badly…" he began and she shook her head.

" I'm going to walk out of here and you're going to let me" she told him.

"You took my _son_, you _hurt_ Kate, so you have to know that I can't let you walk out of here. It's over now," he took a couple more side steps until Janette was by his shoulder. He noticed that she held onto her daughter's hand that in turn was holding onto Nicky.

"I warned you Goren…" And it felt like slow motion when he saw her swing the gun towards his son. He reacted and yelled for Janette to get down. He moved further across, getting closer to Nicky as Nicole fired.

Bobby went down.

He remembered the deafening sound of gunfire as he hit the kitchen floor. He heard screaming and he tried to turn his head to see where it was coming from. Pain exploded in his chest and he couldn't draw in a breath. Blackness edged his vision.

* * *

He opened his eyes to see a pair of honey brown ones staring into his. He blinked as she yanked at the straps of his Kevlar vest where the slug was embedded. 

"Thank God, you're okay" she muttered, urgently patting down his shirtfront, looking no doubt for any blood or holes.

"I might have cracked a rib…" he still struggled to breathe.

"Rather a cracked rib than a coroner's van Goren" she retorted.

"Nicky…where's my son?" Suddenly panicked, he turned his head.

"He's over there and he's fine…pissed off but fine" he caught sight of Nicky sitting on the kitchen floor. The little girl he'd seen earlier had her arms around him. For the second time in less than a minute, he blinked. Nicky seemed to be okay with it. With his chest aching sharply with each breath, he crawled over to him.

"Hey son" he greeted huskily as he sat down beside him .Nicky looked at him and then leaned against him. He was content to just sit there and stroke his hair slowly and carefully and enjoy the contact and wonder if his heartbeat would ever go back to a normal rhythm.

"Bobby?" he turned his head slightly and looked into Janette's concerned brown eyes.

"Are you okay?" he just stared at her and then nodded quickly. A couple of uniforms came over and helped him to his feet. Nicky copied his father, as did the little girl beside him. Bobby smothered a groan as the pain in his chest sharply reminded him that he'd just been shot at. Alex stood beside him.

"What happened? Where's Nicole?" he asked his partner.

"She's over there…" Alex replied, indicating with her head. She watched as her partner went over to where she lay and look at her. This time with a sheet over her, there was no question about her survival. He saw how blood soaked through the sheet. Once she had opened fire then the cops by the kitchen door had taken over and opened fire in return. She hadn't stood a chance and perhaps that was how she'd seen it. He stood and stared at her for a moment. Real regret shafted through him at her death. She hadn't deserved this. No matter how much he hated her,how much she had tormented him, she hadn't deserved this demise. Once upon a time he had believed that there had been real potential there, before it had been warped and destroyed. She had wanted him to see that but had been too distorted, too damaged by the abuse she'd suffered; the abuse she had always refused to confirm had happened to her. He swallowed and turned. The kitchen was full of cops and he saw his Captain come through the kitchen door, followed swiftly by Peter Whittingham. He went to stand beside Eames and his son and watched him embrace his wife and then his daughter.

"Mom?" a wobbly voice interrupted and both Alex and Bobby turned. Two boys stood in the doorway to the kitchen. They were both white faced, their dark coloured eyes the only colour. Their resemblance to Nicky was startling.

"Peter, Jason…are you both okay?" Another police officer guided them through the chaos and Bobby watched both parents embrace them. He looked back at Nicky and saw that the little girl had her arms around his waist and was hugging him. The more amazing thing was that again Nicky was okay with it.

"Hey Nicky" he murmured in a low voice. Nicky lifted his head and he looked at him but he didn't move. Bobby reached out and took his hand and just looked at him.

"You okay son?" he asked, his voice husky. The little girl regarded him.

"You're Nicky's daddy aren't you?" Bobby looked at her. She was a miniature image of her mother.

"I am. My name's Bobby. What's your name?" he asked.

"I'm Lily Whittingham and I'm four" she replied shyly. Bobby regarded her with serious eyes.

"Well thank you Lily Whittingham, for taking care of my son" he held out his other hand and watched the little girl take it. His own engulfed it but he shook it with all the seriousness afforded a dignitary. He watched the little girl smile back at him, but he saw the shadows now hiding in what he guessed was usually a sunny open demeanour.

"You're welcome" she responded quietly and Bobby allowed himself a faint smile. What she had just witnessed he wouldn't want to wish on anyone.

**_tbc..._**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Thanks for the great reviews. This next chapter deals with the aftermath and Bobby's thoughts. All errors, they are my own and not intentional. Thoughts and reviews appreciated.

* * *

****Chapter Thirty-Two:**

Cops were everywhere, the lights of their vehicles strobing the night air. They all emerged from the house but Bobby kept a gentle arm around his son's shoulders, supported his weight and ignored the nagging pain in his chest. He would be bruised and still aching in the morning but right at this moment, he didn't care.

Paramedics had arrived and there were at least three buses waiting for them. Nicky needed treatment for his ankle and Janette and her family had to be suffering from shock. That needed to be taken care of. He glanced across to them. They were all congregated together in a little huddle, a tight family unit and for a moment he squashed down the feeling of envy that rose within him.

Nicky seemed interested in a ride to hospital in the back of an ambulance but he wasn't interested in allowing a paramedic to take a closer look at him. He disagreed with any idea of being examined and got restless when he tried to take a better look at his ankle. No matter how often his father cajoled or persuaded, he wasn't in a mood to be receptive.

He was in the same mindset during another examination in the emergency room and became noisy when Bobby, despite his own discomfort, had to hold down his arms during a routine check. He didn't want to and before this had happened, Nicky probably would've let the doctor's do their work without an argument but that had been before today. God only knew what he'd witnessed. To begin with he had probably witnessed Kate being hurt and then he'd been handled and pushed around without consent. He had every right to be this way.

He was happier on the way to Radiology. A wheelchair had been provided and he seemed to be agreeable to the idea of being pushed around in it. The X ray was another matter entirely. Nicky just didn't want to co-operate and Bobby felt even more helpless because he couldn't physically be with him. Bobby didn't even have his backpack to distract him. It had been taken from him sometime before he'd gotten there and would be back in the house somewhere. At least he hoped that was the case.

He watched as Nicky tried to get off the gurney again and went towards him to help him back on and try to calm him. Neither was working particularly successfully.

"C'mon Nicky…let the doctor take a photograph of your foot and then we'll get some apple juice" he cajoled. He went back to stand beside the radiologist.

"In chair" Bobby exchanged a brief, almost wry look with the radiologist.

"Okay buddy, in the wheelchair. Now will you keep still?"

"Okay" Bobby looked at the radiologist

"That deal is good for maybe the next ten seconds" he warned him. The radiologist didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

"There you are. I have something for you" Alex greeted them. She watched Nicky's eyes light up when he spied his precious backpack.

"Mine" he exclaimed and with a smile Alex placed it on his lap.

"You're a life saver Eames" Bobby breathed in relief and saw her wry smile in return.

"Thank you Eames" Nicky chorused, already unzipping it and peering inside. Alex looked at her partner and the smile faded. She fell into step beside him as they continued their trip along the busy corridor.

"I promised him apple juice…" Bobby muttered, keeping his eyes open for a vending machine.

"His bottle is in there, I checked" Alex told him and he just nodded.

"Kate is here by the way, she's on the fifth floor if you want to go to see her" Now that got his attention and he paused to look at her.

"And you know that how exactly?"

"I paid a quick visit. She's asleep or sedated or something" Bobby paused.

"How does she look?" he asked eventually, his tone husky.

"Like she got tangled up with Nicole Wallace. She has several stitches in her head, has bruises and other cuts and grazes and her feet are bandaged but she'll be fine"

"Physically" Bobby muttered.

"Hey. It could've been worse, _much_ worse" He knew that.

"If you want to see her, I could watch Nicky for you" she offered. He looked at her again.

"I'm sure Nicky could benefit from seeing her himself…but…thanks" Alex shrugged.

"We can all go up together" she compromised. Whatever Bobby might say or do, today he had come perilously close to losing his sanity. She wasn't about to let him out of her sight just yet. Bobby sighed raggedly.

"Need apple juice first" he muttered and together they continued their journey.

* * *

Bobby sat in the seat beside her bed and just watched her. Kate was sleeping. Her head was bandaged and according to his partner, so were her feet. He huffed out a quiet but rough sigh and swiped at his face with both hands. All of this was his fault. He should've told her about Nicole Wallace. Or at least he should've made her aware of his past history with her. He leaned forwards and rested his elbows on his knees and pulled long fingers through already untidy hair. He was tired and he was worried and that wasn't the best combination. He lifted his head and looked at her again.

Alex looked up and saw Bobby emerge from Kate's room. Nicky looked up also but his interest was fleeting and he patted the book she had been reading to him. Alex handed him the book and stood up and went towards him.

"How…"

"She was sleeping," he told her. He was distracted and she could see his tiredness.

"Bobby…you're exhausted and did you get that rib x-rayed?" she touched his arm. A sudden slap made her start. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Nicky had thrown his book onto the floor and there was a dark frown on his face. If the situation hadn't been so desperate, she would've laughed. Bobby shook his head and deliberately ignored her look.

"I can't leave Nicky," he offered as an explanation. Alex sighed impatiently.

"I can sit with Nicky. If you've cracked a rib, you _need_ to get it checked out" She saw how he looked at Nicky.

"Hey. I hope that you trust me? He knows me; he's comfortable with me. I can read to him, I can keep him supplied with juice. Get yourself checked out, we can't have you suffering too" It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that it was too late, because he was already suffering, just not for the reason she thought. He sighed and winced at the same time.

"Okay, okay" he muttered. He watched his partner take control of the wheelchair. Nicky didn't seem to mind.

* * *

He refused her offer of company and helped Nicky inside the apartment. He had no idea of the time, except that it was late. Nicky's ankle was just sprained; the swelling would go down in a day or so. Now he had to deal with a grumpy kid who was up well past his bedtime and no doubt was in pain. He would give him another dose of pain medication before putting him to bed. He had a bruised rib from the bullet impact and it hurt each time he took a deep breath and Kate would probably freak out when she saw the size and colour of the bruise slowly spreading across his ribcage.

He sat with Nicky as he drifted off to sleep. He watched his eyes slide closed and couldn't bring himself to leave him. A lump formed in his throat when he thought about what Nicole could've achieved and he hated himself for being so unprepared, for being vulnerable. He hated most of all that Kate had gotten tangled up with it.

Bobby slept fitfully but he kept his and Nicky's bedroom door open. Just before dawn his eyes popped open when he felt the mattress give. He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder to see his son getting into bed behind him. He lay his head down and closed his eyes when he felt him snuggle up against his back.

Nicky sat with barely concealed impatience at his father checked his ankle. The bruising was livid in colour but the swelling had begun to go down. He remembered the terror that he'd felt when Eames had told him that his son had been injured. The urge to batten down the hatches and stay hidden rose with threatening power inside of him. He would like nothing more than to do that but Nicky had achieved such milestones over the past couple of months, he would be an idiot to put a stop to that. Since Kate had come into their lives, he had blossomed and made Bobby realise that maybe he really didn't have to do this alone. He refastened the bandage and helped Nicky to his feet. He was tolerating being touched and held for longer periods of time and he allowed Bobby to walk with him to the kitchen.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Bobby couldn't take his eyes off him and wondered at how he was coping. He was a little more subdued today and he wondered how much of the previous day he was remembering.

"How about we go to see Kate after breakfast?" he suggested and watched something flicker in Nicky's eyes.

"Yes. See Kate. Kate hurt head"

"Did you see that?" Bobby kept his voice low and watched his son carefully. His eyes flickered to his face and away again. After a moment he nodded and Bobby swallowed.

"Can you…can you tell me what happened?" There was a long silence.

"Liz'Beth hit Kate…hurt Kate's head. Kate go…to sleep" It was possibly the longest sentence he'd heard his son come out with and Bobby digested it.

"Kate's okay now, she's in the hospital but she's okay. You're both safe" he assured him. Nicky nodded.

"Safe" he mumbled.

* * *

Her head ached, the stitches irritated and she wanted to be out of here. She was tired and more than just a little bit pissed off. The events of the previous evening were a little on the hazy side. She remembered seeing Bobby, of all but collapsing into his arms and then after that it all got a little cloudy. She assumed that she was brought to this hospital but she hadn't seen Bobby or Nicky and she had no idea of how they were. What had happened?

Pain medication took the edge off a little and she allowed herself to doze but not to fall asleep completely. She wondered about Bobby, worried about Nicky and she hoped that they were both okay.

The knock on her door was gentle and after a second it opened. She watched as Bobby popped his head around.

"You up for a couple of visitors?" he enquired. Despite everything, she smiled.

"Sure" she watched him turn his head and look at someone and as he came in, Kate's heart lifted when she saw Nicky limping in behind his father.

"Oh God Nicky, you're okay" she breathed and felt tears crowd her eyes. She watched them both come to her bedside. Nicky was holding his dad's hand and Bobby held the backpack with his other hand. Kate took a deep breath, itching to slip her arms around Nicky's shoulders and hug him close. She watched him sit down on the chair by her bed. He lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes scanning her face, taking in the bandage around her head, her hands. A frown wrinkled his brow and he leaned forwards.

"Kate hurt…Kate ouch," he crooned and with long fingers, he gently touched the bandage.

"Sore" he murmured, more to himself.

"But I'm okay now Nicky, Kate is okay" his gaze flicked to her eyes and held for a moment and Kate held her breath. Then he nodded.

"Okay" a brief smile came and went and his gaze was gone. Kate turned her head and looked at Bobby, who sat on the side of the bed and observed them.

"What happened?" she asked. Bobby glanced at his son. He cleared his throat quietly.

"The…the situation has been dealt with…Nicole won't bother you…us…again"

"Nicole?"

"Elizabeth's… real name. I'll explain everything to you later" he lowered his voice and she saw him glance towards Nicky.

**_tbc..._**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter. This one has been a little while in coming, so apologies for the silence. Bobby and Kate try to deal with the fall out of Nicole Wallace. All errors are my own. Thoughts appreciated, reviews welcomed.

* * *

****Thirty-Three:**

"What are you doing here?" Alex enquired, as she watched Bobby walk into the Bullpen, accompanied by his son. Bobby sighed raggedly and put his folder on his desk.

"I can't sit still. Kate is in hospital, her parents are keeping a close eye on her and Nicky is restless. I thought a trip into the office might iron the wrinkles out," he offered by explanation. Alex glanced at Nicky. He had sat himself down on his father's seat and was beginning to spin it around. Both of them watched him for a second or two.

"How's Kate doing?" Bobby looked at her.

"She's being discharged tomorrow. The bandages are coming off soon, she's covered in bruises but she'll be…okay…" he answered quietly.

"Have you told her what happened?" the dark look he sent her was his reply and she sighed quietly.

"You have to tell her Bobby" She saw the quick glance he sent his son.

"I will…just not right…now" he hedged and Alex also looked at Nicky.

"How has he been?" she asked in a lower, more confidential voice.

"He's been clingy…he follows me…everywhere and there've been some nightmares" he admitted.

"Under the circumstances, can you blame him?" she watched him execute a perfect spin and to look at him, the way he was stimulated by the spinning, the way his hands and fingers worked and the vacant smile of pleasure on his face, it was hard to see but she didn't doubt her partner. They weren't entirely sure how aware he truly was and autistic or not, anyone would be traumatised by what Nicky had gone through.

She watched Bobby drag a vacant chair across towards her. He edged it close to her.

"What's been happening?" he asked, still keeping his voice low. She looked at him.

"About the case?" at his brief nod she sighed and pulled a folder from the side of her desk. He watched her flip it open and look at it.

"Nicole acted alone Bobby," she told him eventually. She then looked at him again.

"I spoke to Janette and her husband. They swore they had no idea of what she was up to. Janette told us that if she'd had any idea whatsoever then she would've stopped her" There was a dark expression in her eyes. Nobody could've stopped Nicole once she had her mind set to something. She had been single minded to the point of ruthlessness. In another world it could've worked to her advantage. Bobby took a deep breath and just nodded.

"I'm…I'm glad you talked to them Alex…"

" Not a problem" she replied quietly. She glanced across at Nicky who was still spinning on the chair and didn't look as though he was getting dizzy.

"How…how were they?" he asked and she looked at him again.

"Still shaken, but they'll be okay…I advised her to get some counselling for her children" It still sent shivers down her spine at what the youngest child would've witnessed, and of how it could affect her if left alone. Bobby just nodded again.

"I'll call her, go and see them…soon…" he began and he saw the surprise in her face.

"I know, I know…but I've been thinking…and I saw how the little girl…Lily… seemed to…bond with Nicky, it's almost all that I've been able to think about, seeing them connect like that after a short space of time…" he stumbled over his words.

"He bonded with Kate quickly" He sat back in his seat and folded his arms, ignoring the ache in his chest.

"It'd be nice for him to know…to get to know his…siblings…" he continued, turning his attention towards his son. Alex saw the abject sadness in his eyes. It still hurt him, she could see that as clear as day.

"On his terms Bobby…you're still his dad, and a damned good one at that" she reminded him and the answering smile while quick, didn't quite reach his eyes.

* * *

Kate stood by the window in her hospital room and looked out. The world still moved on. The sun still shone, people were still being born and were still dying. She glanced down at her hands. She had cut them when she'd broken the window of the SUV and the bandages where white against lightly tanned skin. She wore flat-soled sandals on her feet. It was too hot for shoes or socks and her mother had found them at the back of her closet and they were comfortable. She had told them to go home today. Initially they had refused but she'd felt a little ill at ease at their attention, they'd come into the city the moment they had heard what had happened to her and her mom especially had tried to persuade her to spend some time back at home. They meant well but Kate knew that her mom would drive her crazy with all of her fussing. She wanted to get back to her own apartment, close the door and…hide. She wanted to be by herself and figure out why this had happened to her. The last thing she needed was to be molly coddled.

"Hey. You're out of bed…" she had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she hadn't heard anyone enter her room and she stiffened slightly when she heard Bobby's slightly husky voice. Carefully she turned around and looked at him. He stood in the doorway and the expression on his face was one of indecision. It was then that she noticed Nicky wasn't with him.

"He's with Alex…in the waiting room" It had taken a little bit of persuasion on Bobby's behalf to get him to stay there but he wanted badly to talk to Kate and explain. Talking about Nicole sat like a lead ball in the pit of his stomach.

"You're making the room look untidy" she told him and for a second he stared at her in bafflement until he realised what she meant and he came further inside, carefully closing the door behind him.

She walked slowly back to her bed and sat on the side. She watched as he approached her and sat down beside her.

"We need to…talk" he began. She looked into his dark brown eyes.

"About…Nicole…Elizabeth…" he saw how her lips tightened at the mention of that name. She looked away.

"She said you had history of a kind," she murmured.

"And she was right…we did. Just not…not the kind you're thinking of" he answered quietly. Her head snapped around to look at him again.

"Her name was Nicole Wallace, she was Australian and we…Eames and I…we've… have had dealings with her in the past…in a professional manner."

She listened as he talked to her about the woman who had been the bane of his life. Highly intelligent and remorseless, she had been intent on bettering Bobby because of the way that he had seen her. He had seen through her charm and her machinations and recognised the true soul beneath. It had frustrated and enraged her that he would not succumb to her allure and had set out on a course to bring him down and when that had ultimately failed, they'd begun a game of cat and mouse that had lasted throughout the years. She had alternatively fascinated and repelled him.

He waited for her to say something. She had listened to him without saying a word or asking a question.

"So you're saying that she planned this? To…hurt me and take Nicky?"

"From what Eames has told me, Nicole acted alone. Janette had no idea what she was planning but from what we…understand, and from what we…know about her, she planned it from the moment that she knew I had a son. I think she was biding her time, waiting for an opportunity to get back at me. She researched everything that she could about Nicky; she would've researched you too. I think the actual…taking… of you both was unexpected when it happened…she took advantage of the situation, but what she didn't take into account was your…devotion to Nicky and your tenacity in protecting him"

"Fat lot of good that did, she hit me remember, she knocked me out" she retorted. Bobby listened to the anger tingeing her voice and he reached out and gently took her hand, holding it between his own.

"But you tried to help, you…tried to get help…. You didn't show fear"

"I was terrified…she looked as though she would shoot us both and not give it another thought" he tightened his hold on her hand.

"But she didn't…she _didn't_. It wasn't your fault" he reassured her. He could feel her trembling.

"You said…she wouldn't be a problem anymore" she looked at him again " has she been arrested?" The ensuing silence was horrible.

"No…no she wasn't arrested. She…umm…she tried to shoot me" he winced when he heard her gasp.

"What?"

"I got…hit…but I was wearing a Kevlar…a bullet-proof vest…"

"Where? Where did she shoot you?" She looked into his eyes and saw the indecision there.

"You weren't planning on telling me, were you?" she accused.

"It happened, there's nothing you can do about it, it was just…better" he didn't flinch away when she reached for the t-shirt that he wore and yanked it up. He looked down when he saw the reddish purple bruise that blemished the skin. He knew that it was about where his heart was and that if he hadn't been wearing his vest then he'd be dead. The same thought had obviously occurred to her too. She let go of the t-shirt and bent her head in defeat.

"Kate?" she didn't speak.

"This doesn't happen…often…." He began. After a moment she lifted her head and looked at him, and he saw with a start that she was crying.

"It doesn't…Kate…" he began to explain, trying his best to ignore the cold feeling gathering in the pit of his stomach.

"Bobby…I can't…" she wiped her eyes but more tears leaked out. She shook her head.

"I can't deal with this right now…please leave…" his eyes widened with shock.

"What? You can't be serious…Kate…" he implored. She got to her feet.

"It's too much…please, just leave me alone" she requested. For a moment he just stared at her in disbelief. Then he sighed and got to his feet. He opened his mouth to say something, anything to her but instead he just shook his head and left.

**_tbc..._**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews for C33. Thanks to a contrary laptop, updates have been slow but i hope (and have fingers crossed) it won't be too much of an issue for much longer. This chapter mainly concentrates on Kate trying to cope. The last paragraph may make you sit up a bit and wonder why, but really, if this were to happen, i think it would be feasible for him to do what he does. All errors are, as always my own. Apologies for any Britishisms or grammatical errors that may sneak in unannounced. Can't help bein' British ;)

* * *

Thirty-Four:**

The ensuing silence was horrible. Kate remained where she was sitting and tried to breathe. Her throat felt closed up and her head began to ache again. She scrubbed at her eyes and got to her feet. Bobby had told her that the woman was dead. Nicole, Elizabeth or whatever the hell her name was. She couldn't hate a dead woman but she felt as though she wanted to rage at someone, anyone. Part of her had hoped that she would get her moment in court, that she would face her and tell her that she had failed in her mission, she hadn't killed her, or damaged her spirit but she really felt that the latter part wasn't true. She felt damaged, physically maybe but emotionally for sure.

Alex was surprised to see Bobby emerge from Kate's room so soon. She felt her stomach plunge to her boots when she saw the expression on his face, recognised the set of his shoulders. She watched him approach her, his pace slow and almost measured.

"Hey. How did it go?" Bobby paused in front of her and for a moment she thought that he wouldn't answer her.

"Not…not good. You know, I don't want to talk about it…right now" he replied quietly. Alex sighed quietly. Okay, so it hadn't gone well. A psychopath whose only interest was to get one over her partner had beaten the woman into unconsciousness. She still remembered the utter shock that had coursed through her system when she'd almost ran her over. She also remembered the amount of blood on her face and her hands and feet. Privately Alex had wondered when it would begin to affect her and it would seem that that time was now.

"See Kate" Nicky piped up and Bobby looked at him. He would want to see Kate and he doubted that she would be open to another visit. He sighed quietly.

"Kate's sleeping now Nicky" he explained and saw the dark frown that clouded his expression. He didn't believe him and why should he?

"She wasn't asleep was she?" Alex asked him in a low voice. Bobby glanced over his shoulder at Nicky who was staring out of the window. He looked back at his partner and quickly shook his head

"She…I guess she needs some…space…"

"I can understand that. Just don't let the space get too big or too…permanent" she told him. He looked at her.

"I'll give her all the time that she needs," he informed her and Alex quietly sighed and started up the SUV engine. She turned on the radio and kept the volume low. No one spoke as she pulled away.

* * *

Sleep evaded Kate again. Whatever slumber she had managed had been troubled, drenched with such horrific nightmares that had been blood soaked and terrifying. Tonight had been no exception.

She crawled out of bed, shivering after another nightmare had succeeded in shaking her out of a restless slumber. Her head pounded and panic still possessed her. She had dreamed of… pain and darkness and of unquestioning evil. She had dreamed of bullets, of pools of blood and Bobby staring at her through blind eyes, some of that gore pooling around him. It left her nauseous, trembling and scared out of her mind. She stumbled into the kitchen and went about the process of making some tea. The routine, as mundane as it was, helped to calm her and by the time the tea was made, she felt a little better.

She carried the fragile looking china teacup into the living room and went to sit on her sofa. She carefully shuffled back until she was comfortable and tucked her feet beneath her body. She looked down at her cup; it was old-fashioned looking thing, white with pale pink roses. It had been a gift from Bobby. He had seen her teabags in the cupboard where she kept her coffee and she'd confessed her liking for drinking tea. The following day when she'd arrived to take care of Nicky, he had gifted her the cup and saucer. It was a delicate china teacup with a matching saucer that she cherished and loved because he had surprised her with it. She felt a familiar burning at the back of her throat and she lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip of the hot liquid. She leaned against the back of her sofa and closed her eyes for a second. She'd been out of hospital for close to ten days now and the stitches in her head had been taken out. It felt good to be able to stick her head beneath the showerhead again and actually wash her hair. Her hands and feet were healing and she could wear shoes again though it was still so hot outside, the air was still thick and heavy. She wished for a thunderstorm, anything to clear the oppression. Maybe it would help clear her head too.

As she took another sip of her tea, she turned her head and saw her cell phone on the end table by her sofa, almost lost amidst a pile of discarded books. Her thoughts drifted to Bobby. She missed him so much. She had lost count of how many times she'd picked up her phone to call him or to send him a text, only to hang up again. It was after two in the morning, more than likely he'd be asleep. She reached across and picked it up and looked at it. Or would he be awake? Maybe he'd been called out. She stared at it and sighed. She went to put it back on the table, as she had done countless times before. Maybe he was asleep and wouldn't appreciate an out of the blue telephone call but fear was still frozen in the centre of her and she craved the sound of his voice. Before she could change her mind, she hit the speed dial and brought the phone to her ear.

It was answered almost straight away and her heart thumped hard in her chest when she heard his husky voice.

"Goren" He didn't sound sleepy, in fact he sounded quite alert. Her throat went dry and any words that she wanted to say refused to come out, they felt stuck in her chest.

"Kate?" his tone lightened slightly with curiosity and she sighed raggedly.

"Yeah…" her voice was crackly from lack of use and her hand tightened reflexively on her phone. Another pause.

"Are you okay?"

"Would you be surprised if I said that I wasn't?" she admitted in a quiet voice. She leaned her head against the back of her sofa.

"Do you need me?" Sudden tears crowded the backs of her eyes. Did she need him? How could she count the ways? She took a deep, deep breath.

"Just…talk to me Bobby… I need to hear your voice," she murmured in a husky, unsteady voice.

"I can be there in half an hour…" he began.

"No…no…it's late…Nicky will be sleeping…stay there, I'll be okay," she told him. She heard him sigh.

"Tell me how you're feeling…" he began.

"Right now or in general?"

"Whichever is easiest…I'll listen" he replied. She sighed again and scrubbed at her eyes.

"I…Bobby…maybe this isn't such a good idea…I should go, it's late…." Confusion slammed through her brain and she felt close to tears again.

"No…don't go, I wasn't sleeping…please" he interrupted urgently. There was a short period of silence. She could hear him breathing, ever so quietly across the telephone line.

"I miss…" she missed him. She shook her head.

"Everything is screwed up inside of my head. She wanted to kill you, she tried to kill me…what did she do to Nicky?"

"Nothing…she didn't hurt him. I wore a bulletproof vest and she didn't kill you. She hurt you…you have every right to feel…the way that you feel but she won't hurt you again," he reminded her.

"Then why can't I get her out of my head?" she admitted on a whisper, feeling the emotions threaten to overwhelm her.

"It'll take time Kate, you can't expect to come to…terms or get over this instantly" there was a pause.

"I hate feeling like this… I don't…_like_ how she made me feel…I can't get past it," she confessed in a tight voice.

"She can't hurt you anymore" he told her in a low voice.

"She can and she does. Every time that I close my eyes" And with that, she hung up

He closed his phone and sighed quietly. He leaned back against the headboard of his bed and stared ahead. He had been wide-awake too. He was used to very little sleep and less so in the last couple of weeks. He had hoped that Kate would get back in touch. He had worried about her, had wanted to visit her to see how she was but he had made a promise to give her space, hoping that she would contact him in her own time and without any pressure and she had. She had sounded so scared, he had felt the fear vibrating through her and again he cursed Nicole Wallace.

Unbeknownst to anyone he had gone to see her at the morgue. He had needed to know that she was dead. Of course he'd seen her lying on the floor with two bullet holes in her chest but he had physically _needed_ to see her on that table once and for all before he could truly believe that she was actually and finally dead. As she had opened fire on him, the two police officers behind him had returned fire and she'd been struck twice. According to the M.E's report, she'd died instantly.

He had been the only one at the crematorium. No one had claimed her body so he paid for her to be cremated. He hadn't told anyone that he'd done this, no one would see or understand his reasoning after the mayhem she'd created in his life. He didn't to an extent but it was something that he felt that he had to do. Alex had offered again to sit with his son while he went to the crematorium; he had cited personal business but didn't elaborate. For all he knew, his partner thought he'd gone to visit his mother and that was fine by him. He had walked away from the building and hoped that it would be a closed chapter of his life.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews. My laptop problems are re-occurring so i'm getting this chapter up while i still can. All errors are my own as always. This is Bobby and Janette, Lily and Nicky. Please read and review, all are gratefully accepted. Goes away and bashes laptop

* * *

**

**Thirty-Five:**

The phone call wasn't entirely unexpected. Lily wanted to see Nicky again and Janette had called to request that it happen if Nicky was agreeable to it. When he had mentioned Lily's name to him, he'd seen the interest spark in his eyes and that had made him take notice. He wondered at how a little girl of no more than four years old could make the kind of connection with him that he had wanted. It was curious but Nicky was open to the idea of seeing Lily again, which was another revelation in itself.

The apartment was enormous; three times the size of his own place. He had visited places like this in the line of work but never in these circumstances.

He glanced at his son who held his backpack close to his chest and stared about his surroundings with wide brown eyes. Bobby had sat with him earlier in the day and explained that he would be seeing Lily and in turn would be seeing his mother again. He had paused and waited for the fuss to begin but so far, he hadn't said a word except to agree to see Lily. Now they were in the elevator, gliding to the top floor.

As the door slipped open, Bobby lifted his head and saw Janette already waiting there, holding onto Lily's hand. Both of them smiled as they exited and walked towards them.

"You made it" Janette smiled into Bobby's eyes and then looked towards Nicky who was staring up at the high ornate ceiling in what looked like amazement.

"Yeah" Bobby replied and resisted the urge to grab his son and do an about turn.

* * *

The place was huge and offered panoramic views of the city. Bobby stood beside the window and stared out across the vista, hazy from the seemingly never-ending heat. He looked up at the blue sky. They needed some rain. He turned his head when he heard footsteps on the hardwood floor and saw Janette approaching him. 

"Lily is showing Nicky her bedroom" she informed him and he could just nod. Nicky had gone with Lily so willingly that Bobby had felt a moment of panic.

"You can go check on him if you want" Janette added as if sensing his worry. An embarrassed smile flitted across his face.

"Come on" she urged.

"How are you doing?" Bobby asked as they headed towards Lily's bedroom. Janette looked at him.

"I think we're doing okay…Lily has had some nightmares but we were told to expect them, but she's been in a good mood since she found out you were visiting. Nicky has been all that she's talked about" she admitted.

"Do they know who he is…the other kids?" Janette nodded.

"Eliz…Nicole…kind of let the cat out of the bag. We were going to tell them…just when we were ready" Bobby just nodded. They paused outside of a white painted door. Bobby saw the little girl's name painted on the wood in ornate gold painted script. He could hear her constant chattering but couldn't hear his son's response. He looked at Janette.

It was a typical little girl's bedroom and as the only daughter, she had been indulged in. Bobby paused when he saw Nicky lying on the bed, flat on his back and he was staring up at the canopy, his wrists twitching and twirling. Lily lay beside him, also staring up and she was chattering to him. Nicky seemed to be fine with this closeness though he doubted he was listening to a word she said. He bit back against the urge to smile.

"Are we comfortable?" Janette enquired in a teasing voice that made Bobby as well as Lily look at her. Lily sat up and smiled at her mother.

"Nicky likes my bed," she told them both. Bobby carefully ventured into the pink and white room

"So I can see" he walked around to his son's side and saw how his wrists paused in their movement and he snuck a sideways glance at his dad.

"Bed pretty" he informed him. Bobby had to admit that he had a point there, it was a very pretty little girl's bed and the sight of his tall son lying amidst the pink and the frills and other such accoutrements was a sight to behold. He glanced at Lily, who was watching her brother with a smile on her face.

"I hope this is okay Lily." He mentioned and watched as she nodded. He looked back at Nicky to see his wrists doing their familiar twirling. He hadn't seen such serenity in his son in…ever.

* * *

"How's Nicky's babysitter?" Janette enquired as they walked towards her state of the art kitchen. 

"Kate…ummm..." he just shook his head.

"Is she okay?"

"She was hurt…Nicole hurt her, she's having…trouble coping with it," he admitted.

"I'm sorry…I feel so responsible" her voice tailed off. Instead she opened a cupboard and took out a couple of cups.

"It wasn't your fault…"Bobby began. Janette looked at him from over her shoulder.

"Isn't it? I hired that woman to be my children's nanny. She listened to me complain about you not allowing me access to Nicky. She took him and hurt your babysitter because of me"

"Listen…she already knew about Nicky, she bided her time and waited for the perfect opportunity. She planned it…she was…very…clever" And because of her cunning, the person he cared about the most after his son, was in pain and suffering.

"You should be going back to work very soon, right?" Janette commented. Bobby nodded, suddenly very tired.

"And you'll need someone to watch Nicky until he goes back to school" He looked at her.

"It's way too soon for that…"

"But he's comfortable here…"

"No, he's comfortable with _Lily_. It's been eight years Janette, he's bigger, more volatile…there have been far too many changes to his routine as it is"

"You really think that it's such a bad idea?"

"Last month I was asking you to back off…"

"But you're here…"

"Because you said Lily wanted to see Nicky and he likes her" he took another deep breath.

"I don't want to argue with you…again over this. I'll organise something with Nicky's care, we can work out some kind of…access that's acceptable to Nicky and take it from there" he softened his voice. There was a short but heavy silence.

""Well…I suppose that could work…at least you're considering access now" she eventually muttered.

"What happened…it made me realise that…maybe Nicky could benefit from spending time with his…brothers…and his sister" he admitted uncomfortably.

"I'm not the bad guy here Bobby…I know it was wrong to do what I did…but I really want to make it up to Nicky…and I want to help you" she poured coffee into the cups and carried them towards him. He accepted the cup she handed to him.

"And I appreciate it" he took a sip.

"Don't you want a little bit of your life back Bobby?" she asked him quietly. His look was suspicious.

"To have some time to yourself? Go on a date, sleep in, go to the movies or what about some time just for you?"

"Nicky _is_ my life" he reminded her stiffly.

"And maybe that's the problem. You deserve more" Bobby just shrugged.

"He's my son too Bobby, whatever you think of me or what I did" she continued. He sighed heavily.

"Let me think about it"

* * *

The coffee shop was busy. Jane Green's eyes searched the myriad of faces, looking for one in particular. She found her at a small table at the back of the shop, nursing a single cup of something. She kept her head down and showed absolutely no interest in what was going on around her. 

"Kate?" her head shot up and Jane's eyes widened in surprise. She hardly recognised the woman who sat in front of her. She was a pale shadow, almost a wraith. Slowly Jane sank down into the chair opposite her

"Kate?" she whispered in shock. Briefly their eyes held, before Kate looked away, nervously tucking a lock of untidy blonde hair behind an ear.

"What's happened?" Jane asked.

"Uh…just…something" she replied in a quiet voice.

"Such as?" Again Kate looked at her. Jane saw how her eyes then darted around the interior. She shrugged quickly, almost restlessly.

"Something" she hedged.

"Kate…whatever has happened…and it obviously has…maybe I can help?" She then watched as Kate pulled a long white envelope out of her bag and then slipped it across the table towards her. Jane picked it up and looked at it in puzzlement.

"What's this?" She raised her eyes and looked at her. Kate's hands were clenched into tight fists on the table in front of her.

"I have to get away. I don't think I'll be back in time for the start of the new school year so that's my letter of resignation" This time Jane's mouth dropped open in utter shock.

**_tbc...when my laptop allows..._**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: This is the final chapter. After this there will be an epilogue. Thank you to those who have read and left reviews, i've loved reading them all. Errors as always are my own. Please read and rate as always. Thanks :)****Chapter Thirty-Six:**

* * *

Bobby had hoped that Kate would be back in touch but so far he hadn't heard a thing. His calls either went to an answering machine or to voicemail. He left messages for her to call him, gentle, coaxing messages. He told her that he missed the sound of her voice and he even played the Nicky card. None of it worked and the silence was horrendous. He told her that she could call him 'anytime' and left his cell on just in case.

He watched his son become fractious and rebellious. Starved of Kate's constant attention, he asked for her constantly and Bobby was starting to run out of excuses. Part of him wanted to go to her and physically demand why there was this enforced silence between them. Was it his fault? Logically he knew that it wasn't. Janette had blamed herself and he'd been quick to reassure her, maybe now was the time to apply that piece of thinking to himself but that was the thing with habit, it was a hard thing to break. He wasn't responsible for one woman's psychopathic mind but all the same, residual guilt clung like a burr to his skin.

* * *

The first day of a new school year dawned and Bobby faced it with a little trepidation. He knew how much she loved her job at the school; she wouldn't abandon her kids. She'd be there for sure. She couldn't avoid him forever.

Jane Green saw how the tall detective looked around the interior of the classroom and she saw the bewilderment and yes, a small flicker of pain. It was mirrored in his son, whose eyes did a similar sweep. It was beginning to make sense to her now. She had wondered whether a relationship of sorts had been developing between Kate and Detective Goren, now it would seem as though her hunch had been close to the mark after all. It also alarmed her slightly that she may have lost a capable and committed assistant over a possibly failed romance. She took a deep breath and walked towards him.

"Detective Goren?" Bobby turned on hearing his name and regarded Jane Green. She touched his elbow and drew him slightly to one side.

"You're looking for Miss Jones" It wasn't a question and she saw the look of surprise cross his face. He nodded and Jane took another deep breath.

"Miss Jones…Kate…tended her resignation just over a week ago. She didn't say why but she left me no alternative but to accept it" She watched the colour wash out of the detective's face as he absorbed this little slice of information.

"Did…did she say…where she was going?" Jane slowly shook her head. Bobby swallowed.

"Something has obviously traumatised her but she won't talk about it" she added and watched his expression change to one of discomfort.

"You know what happened don't you?" Again it really wasn't a question and Bobby nodded.

"Something happened between you and Kate?" he frowned briefly.

"She…she was taking care of Nicky for me during the summer. Something…happened during that time. Not…not between us…but something happened…I…" he looked at his son and exhaled loudly.

"I…I need to take care of this…"

Alex noticed her partner's distraction immediately.

"Kate wasn't there, was she?" Bobby didn't answer immediately. He went through the process of fastening his seatbelt instead.

"She resigned," he informed her in a clipped voice.

"She did? Why?"

"Because of what Nicole did to her. Damn it. Why didn't I see this coming? I thought she needed a little time…but she's traumatised…having nightmares…probably not…sleeping!"

"Then go and see her…have it out with her" Bobby looked at her.

"She hasn't been answering her phone or her cell"

"She also could be taking a vacation somewhere…"

"Then why didn't she tell me? This is my fault, all of it…" he frowned deeply and leaned back in his seat.

"Damn it Goren, we're not going through that again. It's not your fault…none of it. The only person responsible for this is dead and buried…don't make me tell you again," she snapped. Then she took a deep, calming breath.

"We can call by at her apartment…see if she's there…"

"And if she's not?" Alex sighed raggedly and shook her head.

"You'll figure something out, you always do" she reminded him dryly. She started up the engine.

"I told you not to let that space you were giving her get too big or too permanent" she muttered.

* * *

The temperature was still unbearably high. Kate looked up at the cloudless sky. According to the forecasts, there was a storm on the way, with high winds and torrential rain. It was kind of ironic, that a storm would herald the end of a record-breaking summer. She sighed quietly. Rain was desperately needed, to clear the thickness of the air; to replenish the parched earth and maybe at the same time it would cleanse her soul.

* * *

Alex snuck a look at her partner from across her desk. He was reading a case file, catching up on what he had missed during his time off with Nicky. To the untrained eye, he looked focused and professional but she knew him and she could see that he was struggling. She knew that he'd hoped she would be at the school and when she hadn't been, it had thrown him. She sighed quietly and continued to observe him. She hadn't been at her apartment either and he'd become slightly more unglued at that. Now he was sitting across from her and he was distracted and that wasn't good.

* * *

She felt safe here, she always had done. She walked across the patio and onto the lawn. Ahead of her was the swing set Nicky had only recently delighted in. She smiled absently when she remembered seeing him hanging by the backs of his knees and he'd seemed to be blissfully content. It hadn't been long after that that _she_ had struck. Her smile abruptly vanished at that memory. Her nightmares were fading now, they weren't so vivid or so frightening and she wondered whether that was down to her proximity to the city; the further away she was, the less intrusive the nightmares became. She turned her head as she heard the sound of a car engine. She listened as it cut out and she headed towards the house as she heard doors slamming.

She saw the tall silhouette in the doorway and her heart momentarily stalled in her chest when she recognised who it could only be. She started slightly when she heard him knock on the door. With a slightly trembling hand, she unlocked it and pulled it open.

The breath rushed out of her lungs when she looked at him. Then she realised that he wasn't alone and she smiled when she saw Nicky standing beside him.

"Kate!" Nicky exclaimed joyfully before anyone else could speak and he threw himself into her arms. She grabbed onto his waist and held onto him as he squeezed her tightly before stepping back. Slightly stunned, she looked at Bobby who was watching his son, similarly surprised by his reaction on seeing Kate again.

"Uh…may we come in?" he asked in his usual quiet tone. Kate stood back and opened the door wider

"Of course you can" she replied just as softly.

It was easy to get right back in the routine of taking care of Nicky's needs as he explored the large family kitchen and then disappeared out into the yard. Bobby followed him to the patio and then turned his head when he felt her hand on his arm.

"Don't worry, he's okay" she assured him. She saw some of the tension ease out of him. For a moment or two they watched him on the climbing frame.

"How has he been?" she asked him.

"He's missed you a lot" Bobby answered and she looked at him to see his eyes on her.

"I've missed him too. He went back to school today right?" Bobby nodded.

"That's why I'm here…I talked to Jane…she told me that you'd…that you'd resigned" he watched as she looked away and he could see her withdraw into herself.

"I didn't think it was a good idea to be there…" she admitted.

"Because of your connection to me?" She flicked another look at him.

"Not entirely. In the city…everything got too much. I needed to get away" He shifted restlessly.

"I've been trying to get in touch with you" she folded her arms and turned to look at Nicky.

" I…know…" He moved to stand closer to her, more in front of her so that he could see her face and more to the point that she would look at him. He wanted her to look at him. He reached out and gently touched her shoulder.

"Can we talk?" It had the desired effect. Her eyes went to his and held. They looked at each other for a minute or two. He could see her become uneasy and knew that if given the choice that she would rather not but he had to gently push her otherwise it would just stay there like an uninvited guest. He had to get her to open up. He lifted his hand and gently touched her face.

"Please?" he repeated softly.

They walked out on the patio and for a moment they stood side by side and watched Nicky explore the yard. Kate saw how utterly at home he was. He seemed to truly enjoy being here and having the space to lope around and explore. She sighed quietly and felt something begin to loosen inside of her. She glanced sideways at Bobby and saw how he watched his son. There was a far away, wistful expression on his face and she wondered if he was thinking the same thing. She reached across and took his hand. He looked at her then and smiled at her. In the distance they both heard the rumble of thunder.

* * *

**What does the future hold in store for them?...the epilogue will hopefully explain it all...coming soon...**


	37. Epilogue

**A/N: This is it, the end. And i had to write an epilogue. Call me sappy, but in my heart of hearts i would love to see Bobby happy. He has suffered so much, gone through so much that it only seems right that he has a happy ending. So here it is. If you're not a fan of sappy happy endings, feel free to ignore. Thanks again to all of you who've stuck with this fic and left reviews. They were really appreciated. All errors, grammar and otherwise are my own. Thanks.**

* * *

**Epilogue: A little while into the future...**

_Fifty._

Bobby stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and he sighed raggedly. Today was his fiftieth birthday. Where had the time gone and more to the point where had his life gone? He straightened up and saw the same hair, though now more silvered, the same brown eyes and the same everything else. As always, he needed to shave and he contemplated it for a moment and then discarded the idea. Hell it was his birthday and he didn't have to shave if he didn't want to.

The house was empty though, as he entered the family kitchen, the smell of coffee still hung invitingly in the air. He frowned slightly, had he slept longer than he'd intended to? A creature of habit, he was still waking up just after sunrise but it had felt good to be able to close his eyes and drift off again.

He stepped out onto the patio and paused when he saw the people congregated there. He glanced back into the kitchen and wondered whether he could make a quick escape.

"Here's the birthday boy" he heard Eleanor announce and he briefly froze. Damn it, he was busted. He turned and smiled as Eleanor and Philip Jones approached him. He also recognised Janette and Peter and their kids too. Where was Kate and Nicky?

He still couldn't get used to being the centre of attention but he accepted their birthday congratulations shyly and humbly. Kate's parents had accepted them both so completely and without question that they saw him more like a son than anything else. He looked up then and the small crowd seemed to part and there they were. This time his smile felt more natural as he walked towards them. Nicky stood beside Kate and while he was actually standing still, his movements were compulsive, his eyes bright, almost sparkling and they held his own for a moment or two as he approached them before bouncing away again.

"Happy birthday dad" he wished and leaned in for a quick hug, which Bobby happily reciprocated.

"Thank you Nicky" he replied and pressed a kiss against the side of his head, he was almost as tall as he was so kisses on the top of his head were a thing of the past now. He turned his head as Lily approached and he watched as she gently took held his wrist and lead him away towards the climbing frame. The girl was certainly a marvel, they shared a connection that still continued to bewilder, baffle and astound him sometimes.

"He's okay Bobby" he turned his head again at Kate's voice and then looked down slightly. Eighteen-month-old Isabella Francesca Goren, known to the family as 'Izzy' slept peacefully, her head resting heavily on her mother's shoulder. Kate glanced down at her and then smiled softly.

"She tried her best to stay awake for you but she was fighting a losing battle" she commented and saw the smile come and go on his face.

"It doesn't matter, we can spend some time together later" he replied softly, still watching her sleep. He moved a little closer to them both.

"She must weigh a ton…let me…" and he scooped her gently out of her arms and into his own. Izzy's eyes slipped open briefly but as Bobby settled her and her head rested on his broader shoulder, they drifted closed again. He lifted his other hand and gently cupped the back of her head, smoothing dark curls.

"Go grab a cup of coffee or something, while the going's good. We're fine" he urged her and watched her as she crossed over the patio towards her mother, who held a freshly brewed pot of coffee in her hand.

He thought of himself as a lucky man now. He considered Kate and Izzy to be his blessings and he was thankful for them every single day. Everything had changed so completely that now he could barely remember the days when it had been Nicky and himself against the world.

Nicky was eighteen and as tall as his father now. He was still locked in his more dominant behaviours, he still loved his books, carried around a backpack that contained his red juice bottle as well as those books, but his biggest interest at the moment was music. He loved to listen to music now, rather than watch a DVD. He tolerated being hugged more, being touched and his growing confidence and independence was beginning to emerge and Bobby noticed that he smiled a lot more too. He was rebuilding his relationship with his mother, to the point that now he wasn't averse to spending time alone with her and her family, and he spent the odd weekend with them when he was agreeable to it. He adored Lily to the point of worship. The slight change in custody arrangements was beneficial to them all.

Janette and Peter also paid half of his school fees now, an insistence that neither would budge from and if he were to be honest then he was grateful for that. They continued to seem genuine in their willingness to help, physically, emotionally as well as financially. It was heart warming to realise that he had an honest to God support network in place and it felt good.

His mother had got to meet Kate and once she'd put her through the expected third degree and Kate had come out of it relatively unscathed, she had announced that she liked her and had declared her to be a 'good girl' for her son. It didn't matter that her pronouncement had been on a good day.

The loss of his mom had been hell; there had been no other way to describe it. He'd been utterly helpless in witnessing her steady deterioration and it had broken his heart. She had left the world fighting and left him devastated. It had been tough for a while as he had battled with something so singularly shattering that it had remained locked deep inside of him and he hadn't been able to talk about it, or to begin to reason with it. For a while it had taken him almost everything he had just to figure out where to start.

He knew that he had tested Kate to almost breaking point because of it, but she had hung in there and been there waiting when he had finally been ready and able to talk about it. She hadn't pushed him by demanding answers; she had just been there. A look, a simple touch or a gesture had been all that she had offered until he'd been ready, and when the storm had arrived and exploded, she had weathered the rage and the buffeting and listened to him. Whatever crap he had thrown her way, she had dealt with it.

Bobby looked at Kate now and he felt the swelling of emotion inside of him. They weren't married or even engaged. Even when they'd found out that Izzy was on the way, he had proposed to her but she had told him that they didn't need to be married to raise a child together. Maybe it was the lapsed altar boy in him, but that hadn't sat comfortably with him. He'd let the matter go and she seemed to be content with their relationship. He had worried all the way through her pregnancy and wondered whether this child would be like Nicky or not, given their genetic history, or whether Nicky himself would accept a sibling that would be living with them day and night but Kate had told him that she would love any child of his whatever the circumstances and since Nicky was full of surprises these days, a baby brother or sister could be the making of him.

She seemed to have such conviction in her belief that he would sometimes watch her and wonder why that was, and he envied that of her. She'd had counselling after he and Nicky had gone to see her and maybe it was that experience that had given her this outlook. She had suggested that he should attend counselling after her mother's death but he hadn't followed up on it, preferring to deal with it in his own way and in his own time.

Eleanor took Izzy and carried her into the house for a nap. There were gifts and cards on the picnic table on the patio but Bobby had opted to open them later. Kate stood by the swing set and watched Nicky and Lily.

"Hey" she turned her head at his voice and he smiled into her eyes.

"Enjoying yourself?" she enquired.

"It's been…"

"An experience…I know, but you don't turn fifty every day, so I hope you can forgive us for wanting to mark the occasion?" there was a teasing glint in her eyes that made him smile again.

"I'll forgive you under one condition" a small frown wrinkled her brow.

"Only one?" he raised a finger

"Only one" he confirmed and she saw a devilish expression appear on his face and she wondered whether she was going to like this 'one condition'

"Okay, I'll bite…what is it?" He leaned closer to her, so that his mouth was close to her ear.

"That you marry me" He saw how her head jerked back and she stared at him with wide blue eyes.

"Bobby…you know I don't…"

"What? You don't want to marry me?" Her mouth opened and closed.

"It's not that…I love you…but…."

"But?" he tilted his head to one side and waited.

"I thought…that we…"

"Didn't need to be married to have a child together? It's not about that Kate. We are raising two great kids together…it's never been about that even though I can be…old fashioned…but I've respected your decision. It's not about that…" he shook his head. It was her turn to be puzzled. He slipped both of his arms around her waist and drew her up against him.

"You've brought a…a light into my life I never thought would exist for me. I want us to be married because I love you" There, he had said it. He'd always kind of skirted around the 'L' word but she had always known how he had felt about her, at least he hoped that she had.

"What?" her voice came out between a whisper and a squeak.

"Do you want me to get on my knees and beg? Because…because I will" and her mouth fell open as he did exactly that.

"Please Kate…marry me" he asked her and she saw the utter sincerity in his eyes, the absolute determination. At the same time she realised that all conversation had dried up and they were the centre of everyone's attention. Kate's throat dried up and she looked down into his serious dark brown eyes. She took a deep breath and felt her heart crashing against her ribcage. He was serious, absolutely dead on serious.

A million questions crowded her brain, could she be a detective's wife and deal with everything that came with it? Could she love him so unequivocally, so completely that she could accept his proposal without a second thought or a moment's hesitation? Her eyes searched his. She reached out and touched his cheek. Then she smiled as realisation dawned. Hadn't she already been doing that over the last few years?

"Okay" she whispered.

**FIN. **

* * *


End file.
